Marvel Women Imagines

enough for me | hurt/comfort (n.r.)

Summary: Nat helps you through a depressive episode
Warnings: Depiction of depression, self deprecating thoughts, implied disordered eating
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When you were picked to join the avengers it felt like a dream. You never thought you'd be the one picked to fight along side some of the world's greatest heroes. For a moment you finally felt good enough.

You quickly became friends with Natasha, having similar backgrounds it made it easy to connect with her. Adjusting to life in the compound was easier with Natasha by your side. The first few days she stopped by your room to make sure you were okay before heading to her own room.

However, you didn't realise how soon the bliss of it all would wear away as quickly as it did. And it was going to be a long way for you to fall.

It started with the training sessions. Steve was helping you train and he seemed to pick at every little thing you did wrong. Whether it was your form, the moves you chose to do in combat, he even went as far as picking on your strength as if he isn't a super soldier. You were doing the best you could.

You started dreading training sessions knowing every time you were going to be picked apart. You started to make more and more small mistakes from how anxious you got. And with your luck you managed to break your record number of mistakes when Tony was overlooking the session. He wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions.

'Are you sure she has the same training as Natasha? She's nowhere near the same level. No idea what Fury saw in her,' Tony said to Steve right in front of you as if you weren't there before he walked away shaking his head.

That was the point that pushed you over the edge and all those thoughts you tried so hard to keep at the back of your head came flooding right to the front. You weren't good enough. You just weren't enough.

You weren't enough for your parents. You weren't enough in the Red Room. And now you weren't enough to be an avenger.

If you weren't in your room you were in the gym training. When your body ached it took you away from the games your mind was playing. The harder you trained in that moment the voice in your head telling you that you weren't enough was lessened.

Alone in your room was the hardest. The ache in your chest was so heavy some nights you felt like there was this force holding you to your bed. Forcing you to listen to what your mind was telling you. Slowly breaking you down enough that you will listen.

It got harder to escape the thoughts that consumed you. The battle in your mind took more of you everyday. You were standing in the kitchen trying to gather something to eat. But the thought of cooking breakfast seemed pointless so you left and went to train.

Little did you know Natasha was watching you from the hallway. She had noticed how withdrawn you were becoming, the two of you barely talked let alone spend time together.

'What's going on Y/N/N?' Natasha confronted you as you were coming back from the gym.

'I'm fine Natty,' You faked the cheeriness in your voice and put on the biggest smile you could muster. To you it seemed like the red head believed your lie but Natasha was even more worried then before.

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You and all the other avengers were sat around the table as Tony was briefing the next mission. Your hopes were high for being chosen to accompany the team on this mission since you were here in the briefing. However, when Tony said everyone's names but yours, your mood dropped.

All you could think about were the times they mentioned you weren't good enough for missions or for the team. Your mind became fuzzy and the rest of the meeting was a blur as you tried to fight all the thoughts that were racing through your mind.

As soon as the meeting ended you were out of your seat and headed straight for your room. The tears fell before you were even able to close your door. You went into your bathroom, turning on the shower and stepping inside. The tears mixed as the water ran over you, trying to wash away these feelings.

Silent sobs wrecked your body. The weight of your mind, body and now the water was enough for your body to give out completely. Falling to the floor of the shower you held your head in your hands and let yourself feel every emotion you had harboured.

You were engulfed in so much mental pain you never heard Natasha enter your room. She watched you in the meeting and noticed everything. That was the only problem being so close to the spy. The weight of the water disappeared, you knew Natasha was here but you couldn't bring yourself to look at her. You hadn't anyone seeing you so vulnerable. You felt weak.

'Oh Y/N/N,' Her voice was your favourite and always managed to comfort you.

You felt arms around you helping you stand and moved you from the shower. Natasha handled you carefully as if she would break you more than what you already were. She gently changed your clothes as you looked on with an emotionless stare.

'What's going on with you, detka?,' Natasha grabbed your face gently wiping away the tears that were falling, 'and please don't lie to me. You can tell me anything, it's just us,' Natasha leant her forehead on yours. You slowly let the comfort of her closeness stop the tears from falling.

'I'm not enough Nat, I never have been,' your voice was barely above a whisper but she heard everything, 'everyone's always been so hard on me but I understand now,' you took a moment to gather your thoughts and collect your emotions before starting again, 'I'm not good enough to be on this team, Tony and Steve both think it and now I do to. It makes sense, I've never been enough for anyone that's why everyone has always given me up,'

You held onto Natasha as you couldn't control the sobs that violently took over your body again.

'Shh, it's okay. Let it all out,' Natasha held you tightly, as if she'd lose you if she were to let go.

'I'm not even enough for myself anymore,' You pulled away slightly to look at Natasha, 'If I can't be enough for myself who or what will I ever be enough for?'

'You'll always be enough for me,' it pained Natasha to see you so broken down and deep in your mind, 'I'll talk to Tony and Steve. We'll take this one day at a time, okay detka?' Natasha wrapped her arms around you holding you tight before laying you down and crawling in right behind you.

'You're going to be okay. I'll be your support system,' Natasha wrapped her arm around your waist holding your hand as you started to drift off, you were physically and mentally worn out.

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'Y/N/N pick a hand,' Natasha held two movies behind her back.

'Hmm, left,'

'Good choice!' Natasha put the movie on then joined you on the couch pulling you into her lap.

Natasha had stayed true to her word. She was there every step of the way. She held you when you couldn't hold yourself. She was there to put you back together until you had the strength to pick yourself back up. Natasha had been amazing.

You'd both gotten even closer than before, you both admitted there was something between you two. You both agreed to take things further once you were ready, until then Natasha was your support system. For once you could properly see a way out and you knew you were going to be okay.

'You'll always be enough for me, detka,'