Marvel Women Imagines

not alone | vent + hurt/comfort (n.r.)

Recently your life had been moving smoothly, in a positive and upwards direction. You and Natasha have been officially dating for over a year, without anything seemingly going wrong. Moving into the compound with Natasha was a breeze. You fit in and quickly made friends with the other avengers. Tony helped by throwing you a welcome party so you could meet everyone in one night.

Everything was going right so why did you feel like something was dreadfully wrong. It wasn't noticeable at first. Only every couple days did you find yourself with a heaviness that you just weren't able to shake. It was like you were trying to find something that was wrong with your life, like nothing could ever just be okay for once.

You noticed your sleeping patterns changing slowly. Not being able to sleep until you were exhausted paired with waking up feeling out of breath as if you had just run a marathon, had become your daily routine. You hadn't felt this way to this extent in a while, but you pushed everything away hoping that the dread and heaviness would magically disappear if you didn't think about it. But your mind never takes a break, thoughts are constantly flowing through your mind seemingly every second of every day.

It wasn't noticeable to anyone else. You didn't want anyone else to notice that something wasn't right with you. You didn't want to add to anyone else's worries, they already had to worry about the entire world as part of their job. To them your mental health and worries would seem so small in comparison. That's what you thought anyway. You felt like you didn't deserve them to worry about you, especially not Natasha. She already had enough to deal with, so you pretended to be okay around her. You fooled everyone with your fake smiles and your positive, and bubbly personality.

'Is everything okay with Y/N?' Wanda's question would've seemed randomly asked if it was the first time someone had asked Natasha. However, it wasn't and Natasha was sure it wouldn't be the last.

'What happened this time?' Natasha sighed. She hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary but she had been away on missions and hadn't spent a lot of time with you.

After listening to Wanda detail your argument with Steve that, in everyone's opinion, you had overreacted. Natasha took the next month off just so she could watch you and make sure everything was okay. She didn't tell you though, not wanting to alarm you and just wanting to check in on your normal day to day.

That's when Natasha noticed something wasn't right. She couldn't pin point what exactly was wrong with you, but Natasha knew it was something. It concerned her to see how late you stayed up with how early you woke up everyday. You hardly socialised with the team, and if you did it your newfound irritability always managed to ruin the good times spent with your friends. You would always end up back in your room, laying on the bed, overthinking and analysing every little thing that you or another avenger said, the way they said it and their body language.

You had become physically and mentally fatigued. There was never a break from your thoughts or the weight that sat in your chest. The weight that had become heavier and heavier over time. You always thought that if the weight became too much you would be able to reach out. Though now reaching out seems like the most embarrassing thing you could do. The dread of telling someone what goes through your mind outweighed wanting to get rid of the heaviness that you felt on a daily basis.

Today the heaviness had taken over your entire body. The thought of facing anything you had planned caused you to become paralysed from dread. The constant worrying about anything not going as planned exhausted you. There was no hope in finding any energy or motivation to leave your bed that day.

Natasha had come looking for you since you had a date planned. Her heart broke when your eyes met her gaze. Natasha had never seen you this way, you had always been able to manage it before getting to this point. However, it just wasn't controllable this time.

'Are you okay detka?' Natasha had sat on the bed next to you, reaching out to gently brush the hair out of your face. You thought about lying to Natasha, not wanting her to worry. But you had no fight left. You truly wanted help and the opportunity to reach out was right in front of you.

'No,' Your voice was barely a whisper but it was enough for Natasha to catch it. You looked away from Natasha as you felt tears starting to rise.

You felt Natasha's soft hand gently and slowly lift your head so you were meeting her gaze once again, 'tell me what's going on,'

You told Natasha everything. How you felt like your insides were constantly shaking. How you felt like you couldn't breath due to how constricting the heaviness felt. How you couldn't get through a single task or activity without worrying something bad was going to happen. Everything.

To your surprise Natasha was more than understanding, 'I may not fully understand everything you are feeling and going through but I'm here for you. Through all the good and the bad,' is how Natasha responded while pulling you into her embrace. No matter what you always felt safe in Natasha's arms, 'Tell me how you normally get through these days,'

Natasha's actions and intentions were genuine, especially when they came to you. She genuinely wanted to help you get better and despite it all she was patient. Plenty of ruined date nights and Natasha pulling out of missions last minute. But to Natasha it was all worth it, you were worth it and you deserved to feel happy and try to be free from these constraints your mind gave you.

'Here you go detka, nice and warm just how you like it,' Natasha handed you a heat pack, the one you called your emotional support heat pack. The warmth and weight when placed on your chest helped subside any constriction you felt within.

Natasha had run you a warm bath, helping you wash your hair and giving your head a little massage at the same time. She'd dressed you in your favourite fluffy pyjamas and the heaviness in your body was starting to lift.

Climbing into bed Natasha gently pulled your bed into hers. With Natasha's support you felt less alone. While these feelings aren't controllable you felt like one day you would be able to manage all of this. You smiled as you felt Natasha place soft kisses all over your face. It had been a while since a genuine smile fell from your lips. 

'I'm not completely okay. I don't think I will be for a while, but one day I will be. I'm hopeful for that much at least,'

'I'll be here to support you and help you through as long as it lasts. I know this isn't going to be easy for you, I just want you to know that you aren't alone,'