Marvel Women Imagines

everything you couldn't give | angst (k.b.)

Summary: You didn't realise how much Kate meant to you until it was too late
Warnings: angst with heartbreak, no happy ending
______________________
'You can't keep shutting me out,' Kate threw her hands up, frustrated to be having this conversation with you yet again, 'We're meant to be partners, we're supposed to be able to communicate about things like this,' You looked up at Kate, the first time since she stormed into your room. You noticed her eyes, rimmed red and full of tears, along with the stains that ran down her cheeks. You couldn't keep looking at her, knowing what you had done, that all you could do was continue to hurt her.

'Kate I'm not shutting you out,' You sighed, sounding more like you were trying to convince yourself than you were Kate.

'Bullshit,' You weren't surprised. Kate could read you like a book and that was the worst part. You hated opening yourself up and letting others in. Your entire life you had been told that emotions were a weakness, that love was a weakness. Being in love with Kate you were already showing a weakness in your eyes. One you had to correct.

It was true, you had been continuing to shut Kate out. In the start Kate thought you were opening up to her, that she was learning things about you that you hadn't told anyone else. But she soon started to realise that you had mastered the art of seeming like you were being vulnerable without actually telling her anything personal. This wasn't the first time Kate had confronted you about it. Each time you promised her that you would try harder, that your relationship was important enough for you to learn how to break down your walls.

You had been trying, but getting rid of that voice out of your head was the hard part. You never told Kate about your past or the thoughts and voices that haunt you. Everyone had their problems, it was apart of being a superhero, an avenger, that's what you told yourself. You didn't want to seem weak, like you couldn't handle anything. So to protect yourself and those around you, you began the isolating process of only relying on yourself. At the end of the day all you had was yourself anyway, it didn't make a difference. Until it did.

'I can't do this anymore,' Kate was lost. She thought she had made progress with you, but in the process she was lying to herself to make herself believe you were trying. To the point she was seeing things in you that weren't there. Kate was hurting herself by being in love with you. You couldn't even allow yourself to cry in front of her, especially as you were about to lose her, your face was emotionless.

Kate stared at you, tears freely falling, she shook her head. She couldn't believe she had let herself be put in this situation. She regretted ever trusting you and your words. Believing that you never cared for her the way she cared for you. That you didn't love her the same way she loved you. Kate had always loved more but it had never hurt this much, you not loving her back in the way she needed you to was slowly pulling her apart. Almost losing herself to try and keep you around. The anger was slowly rising inside Kate, more angry at herself than at you, 'You're pathetic, a coward. You can't even look at me, did you even love me?'

'Kate-'

'No I don't want to hear the answer. We're over. I can't believe I'm saying that. I put all my trust, all of my heart into this relationship and you're just going to let it go,' The realisation flooded Kate's face as she watched the way you looked back towards the ground, not moving to say anything. Not even trying to deny what she was saying, 'Fuck you,' Only when Kate was gone did you let yourself break. Falling to the ground, knees to your chest.
————————————————-
It wasn't a surprise that Kate avoided you like the plague. To make things easier on her you decided to take a break, it didn't help much. You stayed in your room, wallowing in your own self pity. Your head continuing to remind you how weak you were, that you weren't deserving of anyone's attention or time. The thoughts moved on to remind you every time you broke Kate's heart. All of the times she was miserable in your presence and all of the times you hurt her. You thought you were undeserving of love for a while after.

Though one day you decided to fight back, you realised that you missed Kate. You missed the way she could talk for hours on every topic she could think of. You missed how she would always show you her new trick arrows and explain to you how they worked and what they did. The way her nose would crinkle every time she smiled. And that infectious laugh of hers that could never fail to make you smile.

Little did you know, your choice to fight was one you made too late. There was a party at the compound that you and the rest were all invited to. You had missed the last few parties but decided to make an appearance to this one, with the thought you could try and win Kate's heart again.

As you arrive you missed the way the team greeted you with sad smiles. Your mind was elsewhere, trying to remain positive and calm, focused on the one reason you were here. And that's when you saw them. Kate was on the dance floor, dancing with someone else. Grabbing a drink, you sat down, slyly watching them from afar. You saw the way her nose crinkled as she smiled. The way her eyes were only focused on the person in front of her, the person holding her while they danced.

You watched, Kate's head thrown back, all you could hear was the infectious laugh slowly drowning out any other sound. Your heart ached watching what could've been you and Kate if you had allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Beating yourself up at how much of a fool you were to let her walk out of your room that day, how you didn't fight for her. Everything you should've done seemed so easy now you knew you could never have her again.

It was bittersweet. Thinking how that could've been you, but it wasn't and that was something you had to live with. You had to find a way to continue, knowing you lost your chance at true love and happiness. Though you were glad. Glad Kate had found someone who could give her everything you couldn't give.