Harry Styles Oneshots // english

Search For Loneliness

I think i was screaming. However my ears were shut and blocked out any noise so i really couldn't tell but... it felt like i was.

My hands clenched around my knees in weak fists though my fingers were so numb they couldn't properly grasp or hold on. Air filled my lungs as desperate breaths were taken in, yet the described relief didn't come and panic started to slowly raise when it dawned on me that though i was provided oxygen, i couldn't take it. Almost as if my own body was trying to suffocate me by boycotting anything that could have helped.
It hurt. Everything just hurt.
My lips were apart and my mouth wide open while my eyes were pressed shut and my body rocked back and forth in the cross-legged position that i sat in on top of my cold bed. No movement slowed the rapidly falling tears from spilling onto my cheecks, dotting them with wet stains and leaving a sticky feeling on my skin. More and more fell until i couldn't see what was before me anyone similar to how it feels when you're under water and try to recognize something in the bleary world you're stuck in.
My insides were burning and shrunk under the stinging pain washing over me.

That's what it's like to have your heart broken. There's hardly anything romantic or tragically beautiful about it, there's just pain and woeful suffering with no prospect of ever experiencing a good day again.

I swallowed hard and scooted back on my bed, under the covers and into a fetus position, wrapping both arms around my head so i could block out the world. Maybe that would turn back time. Maybe that would bring him back to me.

Harry had my heart. He was all i wantws. With him i felt complete. I was utterly smitten, crazy about and insane for Harry, only Harry. At least until now, because right now i was falling apart and all because he'd taken my heart and tore it into pieces.

.....

Harry and i were supposed to fall for each other.

There had been a time once when i had been certain of that. Maybe not instantly, but wuth time and patience.

He'd had something magical to him, an enchanting quality that drew me in and had pulled me under his spell only moments after our first encounter. Something in the way Harry moved had my eyes glued to every shift of his body, to every muscle i'd noticed under his perfectly tattooed skin. Harry's eyes held such a depth of clear green it took my breath awat and when he spoke his pink lips moved slowly but determined, every word wisely thought through.
He was intelligent, kind and made me laugh with ease. Damn it, i'd thought with a smile, his breathtakingly handsome looks were clearly only a bonus.
I'd been infatuated with him form the moment he'd given me his attention and it'd seemed as if he'd felt the same with me.
Harry's eyes had widened with wonder and a smile had danced on his soft lips, which practically begged me to kiss them, and to my surprise Harry had even reached out to touch my hand with a gentle squeeze.
There was no need to say it aloud, we just felt it. What we'd have, it'd be something real.

And for a while it had truly looked like we'd make it.

.....

"This isn't what i want anymore."

Harry didn't look at me when he spoke and kept his haze fixated on his interlocked hands untol the last word had fallen from his lips. Only then did he dare look into my eyes.
I wore a frown and felt cold. My mind was racing and heart beating because surely, i had heard wrong or misunderstood.
He didn't want what anymore?

"What?" i croaked.

Harry's eyes hardened and he leaned in momentarily as if to make sure i'd get his next words right.

"I'm not happy, y/n. With... well, with us. This reletionship."

Those words sufficed to make my stomach drop and have my emotions be flooded by guilt.
Harry was unhappy. My love, my heart... He was happy.
Tears shot to my eyes and drowned my view on his sitting form before me. When had i started failing him? My throat dried and i shook my head to clear my thoughs. This felt devastating.
Making Harry happy... it'd been a;; i wanted. All i had tried so hard to do every day. When he was ill, i stayed by his side untill he felt better. If he was sad, i held him an dtalked to him until he could smile again.
He'd told me i made him feel safe and that i was someone he knew he could trust in ways he hadn't where i'd caught him standing in the doorway with a big smile gracing his face.
When had that stopped? And why hadn't i noticed?