Just Us - Wanda Maximoff x Fem!reader

Realisations

(Wanda PoV)

I look at my phone screen at the last message Y/n sent this morning, curled up on the bed as my own mind attacks itself as I think over the past 24 hours. I could hardly sleep last night, the bed felt so empty and I didn't have her warmth to keep me warm. It was cold, more so than normal. 

My eyes aimlessly wander around the bedroom, it's very plain and minimalist which is a little odd as a lot of the house is decorated. I also can't see any pictures of Sarah or Evie like I had expected to, especially in Y/n's bedroom. Then it hits me.

I sit up in bed and take a proper look around, I'm not in Y/n's room. I'm in a guest bedroom. That night me and the  boys stayed last week, me and her slept in this room. Why would we sleep in the guest bedroom? The answer lingers in the back of my mind but the dark thoughts of my wandering mind snuff it out quickly.

She has had so much going on this past month and a half, from her panic attacks to Vision and Steph, then how the news of her being a widow came out. My heart drops at a thought that has been lingering in the back of my mind since I found out about Sarah.

Is she ready for a committed relationship? 

A committed relationship where there are two teenage boys involved? 

She's told me she loves me and them, but what about what I did yesterday. What if what I did causes her to tip over the edge and she pulls away. What if she comes back today to break up with me? It wasn't just a petty fight. I said things that I can't possibly take back even if I tried my hardest too. I hurt her so deeply she wouldn't even let me hold her when we got home. 

I don't know what changed. She was so snuggly when we were in the aquarium after we talked, we were both ready to finally be completely open with one another. Me more than I ever have in my entire life. I want to be able to give her what she wants, I want to be the person she sees me as and not who I've always known myself to be.

I can't lose her. 

But, if she needs space and time to be able to sort her mental health out. Do something for her own sake, instead of putting everyone else first. If she needs help finding the light at the end of what I can only imagine is a very dark tunnel. If she needs my help everyday, but cannot allow herself to be helped. If she wants me to take a step back, stop being so overbearing and clingy. 

Then I will give her all the space and time she needs. I will show her how badly she can treat herself by showing her that she deserves to be number 1 for once. I will carry the flashlight and help guide her through it. I will be there to support her even when she pushes me away. Then I can take a step back, allow her to get back on her feet. I can slow down, enjoy the moments I have with her and take great care of what life has given me. 

My two beautiful boys.

And her. 

But I broke her and I don't know if she will want me anymore. God my mind was all over the place yesterday, well the whole week. Why couldn't I have just talked to her, broken my resolve of having to push my feelings away. She wants to know what I'm feeling, she wants to help me fight through whatever I go through. Yet I just can't seem to let her break down the walls that I have spent so long building, no one but Pietro knew how and he is laying in a hospital bed with tubes and wires everywhere. 

She called me Wanda yesterday. It broke me, but it broke me more knowing that I was the cause of my own hurt. 

Pietro would have called me out on my shit my by, telling me everything I needed to hear and not what I wanted to be told. He never minced his words telling me straight to my face with no fear of hurting me, because in the end he was always right. I unlock my phone, taking one last look at mine and Y/n's last message where we said 'I love you'. I go into my contacts and call the only person I know that can help.