Is Love Enough?

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Trigger Warning: Panic attack, mentions and discussion of abuse.

December 3rd 2021

Me: This is the address for where I am staying. I would like to see you.

I stare at the message like I have the last few days, tapping my finger on the edge of my phone, my eyes skimming the few messages below. My heart jumps a beat when I see the most recent message and my body naturally walks me to the front door. My movements hardly register with me as I stand on the front porch looking up to watch the car drive down the long dirt driveway, my foot tapping nervously against the wood.

I look back down at my phone, catching the last message I had open.

...: I am just pulling into the driveway, you better be here ...

I see a few messages come through, but quickly lock my phone and put it back into my pocket, my eyes darting back up to the car which has come to a stop. I take a few deep breaths, clenching and unclenching my hands as my nerves start to grow.

I feel my chest tighten as the driver side door opens, my eyes trained as the person gets out of the car. I feel like I am waiting for some impending doom, my heart beating in its cage trying to get out as it thumps against my chest. My palms sweat and my mouth goes dry when they make eye contact with me.

They just stand there, leaning against the door of their car for a few seconds, their eyes meeting mine as they look me up and down. I don't know if they are trying to make sure I am actually here, waiting for me to run or if they are simply questioning the clothes I am wearing since I am wearing some worn out work pants and an old retro tactical shirt jacket. It is practical for farm work and keeps me warm.

I jump a little when I hear their car door slam shut, bringing me back from my thoughts, and my eyes dart back to them as they approach me. I don't move, choosing to let them walk to me, I don't know how this is going to go and I want to stay on the higher ground here just in case I have to ... run?

No, I am not running.

I swallow the lump in my throat as they make their way up the few steps to meet me on the porch. I give them a sheepish smile, their head cocking to the side and a brow raising up at me. There is a moment of silence and I can't tell if it's awkward or if I am just feeling like it's awkward because I haven't seen them since thanksgiving: a week ago.

They take a step closer to me and I am almost tempted to step back but bite the inside of my cheek and stand my ground. What I don't expect is for them to practically throw themselves at me as I feel their arms wrap around my torso. My arms instinctively wrap around their body and I lift them off the ground, spinning in the spot and laughing when I hear them squeal.

I only spin us for a few seconds before placing them back on the floor and brushing my hair out of my face as they do the same for themselves. I smile when I hear them chuckling as they smooth out their clothes, and I am sure my smile grows as they look up at me with a matching smile. I am quickly to pull them into a proper hug bending down to match their height as they stand on their tiptoes.

"Happy Birthday Natasha." I whisper in her ear and I feel her arms squeeze me tightly, not letting me go.

"Don't ever run out on me again without telling me where you are going first. You scared me shitless, and I don't like being scared shitless. You went off the radar for nearly 24 hours and then a simple I'm safe text. I would kill you if I wasn't so happy to see you right now."

"Yeah I know I scared you all and I am sorry for that, but I also didn't know what else to do, I couldn't stay there any longer."

"Hey none of that right now. Maybe later, but right now can you please explain this." Natasha finally lets go of me as she turns to face the farm, her arms flailing all over the place.

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