Dalton

Chapter 92- If I Knew Sooner

I woke up this morning more confused than ever. The thing with Mom saying that Davis once wanted joint custody of me and actually wanting to be a part of my life has me.... I don't know. Confused, for sure but I'm feeling other emotions also. And Mom saying that she said no to Davis' request, makes me angry. She could've saved me years of torment, embarrassment, humiliation.

Mom always told me the story that Davis never showed up at the hospital when I was first born. I never saw Davis until I was about 6 or 7, and I thought that was fine because, you know, I had Nate. But apart of me did wonder if Davis ever wanted custody or at least see me. When Kain and me were on the same team when we were small, I noticed Davis never payed me any attention, not even a glance.

At that point, that's when I realized that Davis couldn't careless about me. That I was nothing to him. So I hated him for that. How could he Father a child then throw them away as if he were nothing. At first it was hard for me to make myself hate him then at some point it started to get easier and easier.

But now with the new information from Mom, I feel.... Conflicted, I guess. I don't understand how she could've held that kind of thing from me.

I walk in the kitchen, Mom's at the table reading the newspaper. I saunter toward her and stand behind the chair on the other side of the table. Mom looks up and smiles a weak smile at me. "Morning, Son." I smile a tight smile back and nod my head once. "I left you alone all day yesterday so you could cool down and gather your thoughts. Are we ready to have a civil talk now?" Mom folds up the newspaper and sets it in front of her, on the table.

"Yeah." I say, pull back the chair and have a seat.

Mom takes a quick sip of her steam hot coffee then she puts the mug back on the table and lets out a sigh. "I... owe you an apology, Scott. I know, I shouldn't have lied to you about Davis." She says in a soft tender tone.

"No, you shouldn't have. It wasn't right." I say but it comes out as a whisper.

"I understand that you're mad, and I promise from here on out, I will always be truthful to you." Mom says honestly. I can hear it in her voice that she means it.

I bite the inside of my cheek. "Well, thank you. I appreciate it but I don't think you do understand how upset I am. You know, all these years I was positively sure that I should hate him. I had every right to because he didn't want me, I thought he didn't want me. I... guess, I'm mad at you for making me question everything I thought I knew about him but now... I'm not sure I should hate him anymore.

Mom doesn't answer back for a few seconds. "Do you want to."

I stare down at the table and think. I really have no reason to hate him now. He tried to step up and take responsibility but Mom turned him down. I still can't help but think that he is the way he is because he feels guilty for not trying harder with me. "You loved him once, at one point. Was there ever something good there, in him, I mean. Was he ever a good decent person?" I look up at Mom.

Mom sucks on her teeth, stares at something over my left shoulder, like in a daze then she slowly nods. "Yeah, once upon a time. But,... Son... he hasn't been like that in a very long time," Mom looks down at the newspaper for a few seconds then she clears her throat, sits up in her chair, looking back at me. "Scott, I need to tell you something."

Hearing that, my heart drops. Every time she says that, my palm instantly get sweaty, my heart beats faster and I become a nervous wreck.

I lean on the table, looking at her intrigued. "Okay, what is it?" I say and gulp.

"When you were away in Rochester last month... Nate proposed to me and I said no." Mom says hastily, like she couldn't wait to get that off her chest.

Jeez, what is it with Mom and saying no, turning down both Davis and Nate. She did make a promise to me that she would be completely honest with me, this is one of those times. Why is it, the more I want us to be a family, something has to get in the way or either Mom or Nate doesn't comply. How could she say no, I know for a fact she loves him, just as much as he loves her. All she had to do was say yes, and we all could've lived happily ever after. Just when my anger toward Mom was dissipating, it ignites again.

Nate must've been so crushed, he's absolutely head over heels for my Mom, he practically worships the ground she walks on. I've never seen someone so in love with another person than Nate is with Mom. Now that Mom said no to his proposal, he must be heartbroken.

"I... I- I- I have to go see him." I stutter then get to my feet. Mom doesn't try to stop me on my way back to my bedroom.

I walk in my room, grab my keys, wallet and phone from my nightstand then I get my winter coat from my closet and I leave.

I knock on Nate's front door and wait. He opens the door, gives me a tight smile then moves to the side so I can enter his apartment. Neither of us saying a word until we're inside the apartment.

"What's up? I, uh, I wasn't expecting you..." Nate stops and lets out a breathy chuckle, shoving his hands in his jeans pocket. "Well, when do I ever expect you to stop in?"

I walk in the living room and sit down on the couch. I rub my hands together and think of a way to bring up the topic. It might be a touchy subject right now. Or, maybe, I should just jump right in and tell him that Mom told me about the proposal. Nate sits to my right, in the recliner. "M- Mom told me about the proposal. How are you? Are you okay?"

Nate waves a dismissing hand and pulls his brows together. "Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It happened a while ago. You know, it was tough in the beginning when she first turned me down but..." Nate pauses and sighs. "It's getting better."

I still can't believe Mom turned down Nate's proposal, I don't understand why. And I keep forgetting that it did in fact happen a while ago, I keep thinking that it's a recent thing.

"Jeez, I- I'm sorry, Nate. If I knew sooner I would've been there for you." I don't mean to but there's a edge in my voice, anger. Again, I'm angry that they hid this from me and I'm mad because I wasn't here for Nate. I know sometimes he puts a lot of pressure on himself.

He shakes his head. "No, it's fine. It's my fault, I came right out of the blue and proposed."

"Nate..." I trail off.

He's right, it came out of nowhere. It's like all of a sudden he got the urge to ask my Mom to marry him, I'm sure it caught her off guard but that's no reason for her to turn him down. She could've said, 'Let me think about it' instead of straight up 'No'.

"So, what'd you do with the ring?" I ask tentatively. I wouldn't want to keep reliving the disappointing night either but he's good at hiding it.

Nate takes out a set of car keys and tosses it on the coffee table between us. "Pawned it. Now, I'm driving an '04 Range Rover, just until my car comes in."

I duck my head, trying to get a read of Nate's expression but I can't, he's unreadable right now. "Are you sure you're okay?" I ask just to be sure. I'm not sure he would tell me even if he wasn't okay, and I'm not sure I would know what to do if he wasn't.

He nods his head and looks at me. "Scott, I'm fine." He says that he's fine, but his eyes tell me a different story. I want to question him and ask him if the reason he's leaving Dalton is because of Mom turning him down but I don't want to push it further, and I pretty much know the answer to that question.

Because I feel bad for Nate about Mom rejecting his proposal, I spend the day hanging out with him. It's sad really, it takes me finding out that Nate got rejected for me to spend time with him. We don't do much, we just lay around his place and watch movies. We order a pizza, Nate has a few beers and I stick with soda. I just want him to know that even though things didn't work out in his favour, between him and Mom, he'll still have me.

He'll always have me by his side.