From Then Till Now: A Jamaican Love Story Book 4

Chapter 35

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Jubba's POV

I exhale the breath I was holding after Leah left, I was afraid that I was going to hurt her. My mind and body are at war, I know I'm going to snap. The memories are taking over and the need to kill is suffocating me.

Alex is here, thank God, he won't let me do anything stupid. I need more time with Leah, if I kill, Alex is going to kill me.

Focus on Leah, focus on Lee, focus on Leah.

Flashback 12 years ago

"Daddy yuh av mi a kill fi repay d debt and yuh still a tief d money and sniff out the bomboclaat coke!" I shout at my father as he sits in the living room at the base.

"Jubba go suck yuh bloodclaat madda and no question mi, a years mi a run dis, mi know wah mi a do.

Yuh just tun sixteen and a gwaan like yuh a man, betta yuh relax yuh self before mi kill yuh!" He raises his voice at me and I feel anger surge through me.

"Daddy yuh tek mi fi fool enuh, but try know seh mi nah do no more killing fi yuh! Yuh a waste bomboclaat don and smaddy soon kill yuh bloodclaat.

Yuh av a peace treaty wid d man dem and yuh a violate fi few thousands a dollar and a sniff a coke! Yuh nah move like no don yuh a move like a pussyclaat stocky!" I shout at him.

He stands up quickly, "who yuh a chat to bwoi? Try know yuh bloodclaat place enuh because a me run dis and if mi seh yuh av a job yuh av a job. Yuh cyaan fucking go round dat!

All of a sudden yuh av heart, yuh mussi a spend too much time round yuh whoring madda bout she tun Christian," He laughs loudly, and I feel the darkness pulling me in.

I run up to him, grab the gun from his waist and press Suzie to his neck, I put my mouth to his ear and whisper.

"As of todeh, no mek mi hear yuh mention mi madda name again. Mi is d only bloodclaat wah no fraid fi kill yuh. If yuh fuck wid mi, mi ago drag Suzie from one side a yuh jaw to d next before mi cut out yuh bloodclaat tongue.

Then mi ago mek she settle inna yuh belly until d life lef yuh baddi," I tell him coldly and for the first time I think he believes me.

I lightly drag Suzie across his neck and smile when I see the blood flowing. I push him away from me and walk out of the house, I need some weed and some pussy.

Mi shoulda kill him bloodclaat, idiot waste man!

Present-day

"Jordon," Alex's calm voice pulls me from the memory, I hate when my mind goes there.

"It's safe to come out," he says but I shake my head. If I move out of this corner, I'm going to kill somebody and I'm not ready to die, I need more time with Leah.

I need my gun, I need Suzie, I can pick somebody from the list, I don't think Alex will kill me if I did that. I shouldn't have left my gun in the safe, I feel naked without it but I was afraid that I would end up killing Leah.

I start walking to go get it, but Dane blocks me and shakes his head. I feel caged in, I need to satisfy this fucking urge that is burning in the pit of my stomach.

"Come sit," Alex says, and I sigh and walk to sit on the sofa opposite him.

"You are not your past Jubba, look at all the good you've done in the last few years," he says, and I try to think about those years.

"I'm drowning, I won't win, I can't go back there Alex, I don't want to hurt her," I know my thoughts aren't coherent, but Alex will understand.

"You will win, you have already won. I am here and I promised you years ago that you won't ever have to go back. Our difference in skin colour doesn't mean that you aren't my family, don't listen to what people have to say. You know me, I know you and we both know the relationship that we have. I will never leave you to fight this on your own so it's time you come out of the corner.