Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

a new ward

-joes pov-

On the drive home I feel horrible. Hearing Ellie scream at the top of her lungs like that is something I will never forget. Our little girl is hurting so bad that she decided that starving herself was the right thing to cope with it. We have seen that she is pushing around her dinner and going upstairs after she ate something, but we figured that it was just pre-teen stuff, but we were wrong in that. I wish that we would have noticed before it got to this point. I blame myself for that, I should have seen the signs. I remember when Taylor was struggling and I first saw it and commented on it, I remember the signs she was showing. But Ellie has been a master at hiding it and that in itself is scary.

I get home and Andrea comes to give me a hug and talk with me "how is she?" she asks quietly so the other kids don't hear. "She is admitted and it's not good. She is not cooperating so it's hard to watch and I can't imagine what it's like for her to be forced that way. I'm just going to pack a bag for her and Taylor and take it to them and then I come home" I tell her.

"If Taylor and Ellie need you there you can stay later. I don't have any other plans; I can put the kids to bed, and you can come back when Ellie goes to bed" she tells me, and I thank her. I couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law.

Quickly I pack a bag and head back to the hospital.

-Taylors Pov-

"Elliana, we are finished now but can we tape the tube to your face, and not have you pull it out? It's better for you than having it pulled in and out all the time" the doctor asks Ellie and after a bit she nods and let them tape it to her face and tuck it behind her ear.

She is still crying hard so I sit down on the bed and cradle her thin and fragile body in my arms as the doctors leave us again but there is a nurse in here that's sitting her for an hour to make sure she doesn't purge what they put in her stomach.

"Mom why are you letting them do this to me" she cries, and I kiss the top of her head "sweetie I want you to take this in. We are doing this because we want you to live a long life, and since you refuse to take in something yourself, we need to let the doctors force it. We can't sit and watch you continue to go around without food. It's okay to need help Ellie, it's okay that your head is screaming at you and not being able to do it yourself, but that's why we are here, to help you when you can't help yourself"

She holds onto me for a but before lying back down exhausted from all the fighting. "i'm so fat mom, I can't do this. Even the girls at school tell me how fat I am. You don't get what it's like to be a girl these days"

"When I was younger Ellie, I struggled with eating too. And I didn't realize that I needed help and tried to fight anyone that said I was sick. I didn't want to listen to anyone either, but now I know that they were right. There are so many beauty standards that the media throws at women and girls that it's no wonder a lot of young people struggle with their body image and what they think they're supposed to look like. But I promise you that no matter how many calories you cut down your eating disorder will never be satisfied, it will always tell you that there is some standard of beauty you're not meeting, but it's all lies" I tell her and kiss her forehead.

i have never told her before that I had an eating disorder because I didn't want to inflict any of those thoughts on her. It's a part of my past that I'm not proud of and is still hard to talk about without triggering myself.

"You, you had an eating disorder" she says with a sore voice from all the crying, and I nod "yes I did, for many years and it only got worse before i accepted help" I tell her honestly. "How did you realize you needed help"

I smile gently "your dad. He saw through my façade that no one else cracked through. There was a lot going on in my life around that time and in the midst of that your dad made me realize that what I was doing was dangerous and I would never feel satisfied. I thought that I needed to control my calories to feel beautiful, but it was all a lie because that doesn't make you feel beautiful"