Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

screaming, crying, perfect storm

-taylors Pov-

After looking at one another for a while we go into the office and close the door. I'm really hurt by the things that was said yesterday, but I see on his face that he is hurt too. "why didn't you call me? I had a right to know joe" I snap at him.

He sighs and sit down on the couch "Taylor, don't act like you don't know. You're never here anymore and the children need parenting even when you're absent. I know this is hurting your feelings but it's the truth. You're not parenting aurora and Elliana, so I have to try to do it on my own. I've tried to talk to you and say you need to trade off with me, so the other girls get their mom as well, but you're refusing. There is only so much I can do if you're not listening" he yells at me.

Just because I'm spending a lot of time in the hospital doesn't mean I'm absent from their lives. I talk with them on the phone and through texts, I know it's not the same but hearing him say I'm absent hurts. "you're not a single parent joe. I'm here, I'm right here. But I'm helping our daugther that needs her mom right now. You don't see half the things that go on in the hospital. It's not that I am stubborn, I need to be there" I argue. There is so much of it that he doesn't see.

"Taylor I don't see it because you are always there, and someone has to be at home to take care of our other two kids. You're deflecting the problem here Taylor. I'm more than capable of being in the hospital with Mackenzie, you're acting like you're the only one that can do it" he says and look defeated. If this is really how he feels I'm angry that he doesn't talk to me about it. I don't feel like I'm deflecting but clearly, he does and that bugs me.

"You don't get it joe. Of course you are capable, but she asks for her mommy and I'm not going to tell her no. She needs me. I know that the other two need me too, but you're here at home with them when I can't be" I say and I'm fighting back the tears. If he had seen the panic attacks kenzie has at night where she is sobbing, drenched in sweat and crying out for me maybe he would see what I see. "you're being unfair. You don't even give her the option of having me there. But regardless, she is a child, and we are the parents. We have three kids that need us both that's why we need to trade off. It needs to be fair on all of them" he argues.

"Our daugther feels so alone that she was debating between hurting herself and getting drunk. Don't you see that we are the reason behind that? She is so affected by all of this that she feels like she is alone with her feelings, that's why I didn't punish her more because I'm capable of taking responsibility when I'm in the wrong. Us fighting and focusing on aurora and kenzie is hurting her and that's both of our fault, but you would rather yell at her than listen" he screams at me and now he is on the verge of tears too.

"Joe you're taking the responsibility for her actions away from her. She could have come to you, she could have come to me, but she chose to sneak away from her security and get drunk at some party!" I yell at him. Maybe that's the reason but she could have come to either one of us. Calling me is always an option. "Taylor you're not listening. She feels like she couldn't come to either one of us, and that's a problem. We are the problem here, not her"

We are looking straight into each other's eyes and it's hard because the ocean blue eyes I've always loved getting lost in is sending daggers back at me. "you're the one that needs to take responsibility for your actions. You're choosing to not be at home with your other children, and this is the consequences of that. They stop talking to you, and when you're absent it turns their world upside down so much that they stop talking to me too"

Before I can say anything, he continues yelling at me "and for the record, it's not just them you're neglecting. You're neglecting your marriage too. We are supposed to be a team, we are supposed to be in this together but you're walking off alone when I'm right here and need you" he says and now he is crying which he hardly does. "I need my wife, but you're not here! Not to mention that you're neglecting yourself too. You've lost weight, you don't sleep, and you are not taking care of yourself"