Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

the day after

** sunday march 1st, 2036** 

-joes Pov-  

I go into Ellies room with Advil and water, but she isn't in her bed, and I hear gagging coming from the bathroom. After putting down the Advil and water I go into the bathroom and see her hunched over the toilet puking her guts out, so I take a hair tie and tie up her hair. 

Hangovers are not fun, especially your first one. But that comes with drinking alcohol and clearly, she is experiencing the consequences of her actions right now. After finishing that round of vomit, she leans against the bathroom wall. "My whole-body aches" she groans. 

"that's what happens when you drink too much alcohol, especially when you shouldn't be drinking alcohol at all" I tell her and help her to her feet and rinsing her mouth before leading her to bed. I make her take the Advil before I know we need to have a conversation. 

"What were you thinking Elliana. This is not like you; this was reckless, and I want to know what on earth made you decide to ditch your security and go to a party. Something bad could have happened" I ask her, I'm trying not to yell but it's hard. "you said something yesterday about not wanting to be you for a while, does this mean you're suicidal again?" I hesitantly add. 

She bites her lip "i'm not suicidal... I just... couldn't deal with being me dad" she says, and tears roll down her face and I'm trying to understand but it's hard. "You need to be more specific Ellie, I don't understand" 

Clearly something is bothering her if she goes to this extent to not feel her feelings. "There is a lot going on and I just... it's too much... I wanted.... I wanted to not be me for a little while. I am lonely, I feel so alone." she says and start to sob. I want to feel bad for her, but she went out and did something that could have caused serious harm to her and her body. 

"Why didn't you come to me. And why on earth did you think going to a party and getting drunk would help" I ask her. "Because I don't feel like I can come to any of you these days. I'm all alone dad. It might not have been the best idea to go and drink, but I didn't know what to do" she says and try to dry her tears, but they just keep coming. 

I wish she would have come to me instead of going out and doing something like this. She put herself in serious danger and I can't believe she did this. "of course you can always come to me" I tell her. 

"no, I can't. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything is turned upside down and I'm alone dad. Everyone is occupied and forgetting about me. I know drinking was a bad idea, but it took my mind away from the dark thoughts that wanted me to hurt myself. I needed to do something and I'm sorry that I went drinking" have I been ignoring her? I don't think I have. Sure there is a lot going on but I'm always there for all of them and I thought she knew that. No matter what is going on around us, if she needs me, I'm there right away. The fact that she had to resort to this, so she didn't hurt herself is concerning, and I'm really sad Taylor isn't here because clearly, we have been distant if this is how she feels. 

"Elliana listen to me. I know that things are different now, everyone has things going on. But this wasn't okay and isn't a smart choice. It's also concerning that you wanted to hurt yourself again after all this time, and just so we are clear, drinking alcohol in the manner you were is also considered as hurting yourself. With the amount of alcohol, you drank you could get seriously hurt, not to mention that boy who tried to take advantage of you" 

Who even knows what to do in this situation? Is there even a rulebook? If there is a rulebook, I would like to buy that because we have never been in this situation before. Part of me feel like I should discipline her, that would probably be something the rulebook said, but if she did this because she wanted to hurt herself, I am worried that it won't be the right choice.