[GL] I tamed the female lead

Chapter 33

I knew that this night was going to be long. I had a feeling since the beginning and that destroyed my mood because it was the first time that I was at a ball with Orange. I just wanted to have fun with my friend and dance all night long but that was too much to ask. Despite my hunch I did my best to put that aside and to enjoy my friend's company but soon after we saw Saber, Orange disappeared and the evening started turning weird. First of all Astéria showed up later than anyone and came up to us as soon as she walked in. While she was walking I saw that she was wearing a blue dress and something about it made me frown. I didn't know what exactly but something was weird. Did astéria ever wear blue in the manhwa? I wasn't sure about that but after all she did whatever she wanted and I wasn't going to judge her style. I literally didn't care what she wore.

Alastair soon came next. He wasn't wearing pink as predicted and I was satisfied at the idea of us two looking so distant. Others noticed our outfits too and I could see them whispering. This was nice. It didn't feel as if I was behaving differently than usual with him but at the same time, seeing people whisper about us felt as if we really broke things off. Just like when celebrities weren't together anymore and people talked about it. I knew that Alastair wanted to talk about this too and I prepared for it mentally. Therefore I just followed him to a corner of the room and waited for him to say what he wanted. He didn't wait a second and turned to me pretending that everything was okay. He had to continue smiling because otherwise people would talk even more. I didn't like the fact that he was pretending. Why did he care so much about what others thought? I really wanted to shake him but I had to be patient. Everything was already over anyway.

"Why did your father send such a letter to the emperor?"

I tilted my head:

"Which letter? The one talking about our broken engagement?

-Poehina!"

Alastar looked around us panicked:

"Don't talk so loud. People are going to hear you.

-And why would that be bad? They will hear about it sooner or later.

-At my brother's birthday?

-Brother that you never cared about?"

Alastair froze. How dare he talk so dearly about a person that he ignored all his life. Alastair was the perfect crown prince and everything was revolving around him. He had no idea what kind of life his brother must have led. How could he talk about love?

"How dare you?"

I signed:

"You know what? Let's announce this next week. I admit that announcing it at Sverre's birthday wouldn't be fair to him. So because of him and only because of him, I will wait a few days. But then we'll be officially over."

I was ready to leave but Alastair grabbed my wrist. I immediately glared at him:

"Don't you dare touch me."

Alastair immediately let go and step back:

"I am sorry. But you should reconsider.

-I shouldn't do anything. I do whatever I want and I want to break this off.

-But we have been engaged for years! How could you just break things off so suddenly? What happened?

-I told you from the beginning that I wasn't going to marry you. But lately I just realized that I had no reason to wait around for things to work out. I could fight for my own happiness. And you are not in it.

-It was never about happiness, Poehina! You are a princess and I am the crown prince. We should get married."

I frowned. I didn't like Alastair. I didn't like him at all but at that moment I felt sorry for him. I could feel how suffocated he felt and I could see that the only thing he was living for was his role. It wasn't an excuse and I didn't forgive him anything but it was still sad. I couldn't help it and hugged him. Alastair immediately froze his hands not daring to touch me:

"You should live for yourself, Alastair."

I let him go but continued staring straight into his eyes:

"I know what it's like hiding behind a role. It's not a way to live. What do you want from this life? Do you really want to be engaged to someone who dislikes you? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone the adults chose for you? Do you really want so little control? Are you okay with all this? Are you sure you want to be crown prince?"

Alastair couldn't say anything. He never asked himself what he wanted to do. He looked straight into my eyes, his lips moving up and down without any sound and I just smiled. I smiled with all the warmth I was capable of. I didn't know Alastair well but now I saw him for what he really was: a lost child. He looked so small and terrified that I felt my heart ache. I hated everything that he told me but I realized that he acted this way because I was doing something he didn't understand. I was free. He on the other hand had been stuck going to never ending classes every day and having to be the perfect prince day and night. I didn't realize the amount of pressure he had on his shoulders and with that I made my peace with our past. I wasn't going to stay engaged to him. I wasn't going to marry him. But that didn't mean I had to hate him. I had no negative or positive feelings for Alastair whatsoever and I wished him all the best. Sincerely.

Not having anything more to say, I just went back to my friends. Our talk went way better than I thought and I started to relax thinking that this night wasn't going to be that bad. But I wasn't at the end of my surprises because as soon as I came back, Astéria asked me to dance. I was not expecting her to do so but thought it was funny. As soon as I broke off my engagement with the male lead, the female lead asked me to the dancefloor. It just felt like a sign and my gut was telling me to say yes so I accepted. Moreover it just sounded like the perfect continuation to my new life. I broke off my engagement, I came with matching outfits with my best friend and now I was going to dance with another woman in front of homophobic people. I just couldn't wait to see the confused glances and accepted the hand with a smile.

People froze seeing us walk to the center of the dance floor. As expected people started whispering with huge frowns behind their fans. I just smiled at them with all my teeth and continued following Astéria. There was something euphoric being escorted by the all powerful female lead. I strengthened my hold around her arm and when Astéria turned to me with questioning eyes I just smiled again. I was fine. I felt safe. It was funny, really. I felt safe next to the most dangerous person present. I by far preferred Astéria to every other person judging us and that was hilarious.

Saber was the only one who seemed excited at our sight. Orange wasn't here so I was happy to see another friend supporting us. It wasn't even anything serious. It was just two people dancing like everyone else would at a ball. Saber seemed ecstatic and she jumped all over the place waving to us all smiles. I waved back to her and the next second Astéria gently grabbed my hand before placing it on her shoulder. She was still smiling and her every movement was slow and gentle as if wanting to make sure that I was okay. Being in a really good mood (maybe the alcohol was helping) I just laughed. Taking this as encouragement, Astéria grabbed my other hand and slowly lifted it to the level of my shoulder. Astéria's shoulder was way higher than mine and she had to bend a bit closer to encircle my hip with her arm. Her face was now very close to mine and for some reason it didn't bother me at all. I thought I would crumble in front of such charisma but I had no problem looking her in the eyes.

Astéria was the one leading. I didn't really mind but I wasn't used to it. I thought it would be funny leading the female lead and I was used to it because I was always the one leading with Orange. Deep down I preferred following but it was nice leading too and I got used to it. I was scared that I would destroy Astéria's feet but she was amazon at dodging. She was so good that I started laughing. Every time my foot would land on hers, Astéria would pivot and lift me at the same time to make me fly for a few seconds. I didn't know that someone could be better than Orange at dancing and I just completely let go, knowing that Astéria was perfectly apt for guiding this dance.