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Thor Odinson: Loser like me

⚠ Warning: Depression and sadness.

A/N: This character comes from the Marvel movie: Endgame.

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Imagine that after Thanos killed half the population things have been a mess. Mainly because Thor has been blaming himself for your death. It definitely took its toll on him. Alone and depressed, Thor spends his days in a dirty hole, hoping one day you would return to him.

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<<<(Thors P.O.V.)>>>

5 years since Thanos pruned half the population.

I thought I had him, I thought I had Thanos, that we were going to win. It was foolish of me to think that. I hate to admit it, but I failed. I failed to save us, I failed to save the man I love.

5 years since I've seen my love.

After the war I started to isolate myself. Hid most of the day in a small room, playing video games all day. Not caring about myself, I began to drink and to eat. I watched my body change. My belly and my hair just kept growing. I lived in my own filth. But I couldn't care less about it all.

'I lost everything. My mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my land, my people, my eye, my abs...'

I looked down at my fat body in sadness.

'Most importantly I lost the love of my life.'

The day Y/n turned to dust, I still remember like it was yesterday. I could hardly believe it. I remember grabbing him tightly with both hands. The helpless feeling was a nightmare. There was nothing I could do while he faded away in my arms.

I could still see myself screaming his name, telling him he that he should stay with me, that I need him. He just smiled at me and put his hand on my cheek. While whispering sweetly that he loves me, before he turned to ashes.

I wished I would fade too, but it never came. Why did I have to survive?

Without Y/n nothing had purpose anymore. For all I know I could die tomorrow and I wouldn't be suprised or sad about it.

I changed into something I never wanted to be. A ghost of the great mighty god I used to be. I used to be strong and fearless, now all I can do is cry. And even that doesn't work anymore. I feel like crying all the time, but no more tears come out of my eyes.

I took another sip from my beer, while staring emotionless ahead of me. Do you know the feeling of numbness? The feeling that there are no more tears left to cry. I felt completely dry and empty. I tried to fill the emptiness with beer and food, but nothing can fill the hole he left behind.

Instead of crying I put my hand on the small wooden box besides me. I quietly patted it with a big sigh. After he turned to dust I collected as much of him as I could, in a desperate attempt to keep him with me.

I miss him...

I was forced out of my thoughts as suddenly someone entered the room without knocking, someone who I haven't seen in quite some time. "Bruce my old friend!" I hugged him, while faking my happiness.

"How are you?" He asked me. I gave him another fake smile. "Good, very good." I did a small spin in my dirty room full with food remains.

Bruce just shook his head. I don't think he believed me, but he didn't say anything about it either. "We need your help."

Why would anyone need help from me? No one needs the help of a loser like me.

"Why?"

"We can fix everything." Bruce told me. I laughed. He must be joking. There is nothing to fix. People died, that's it.

"I mean it Thor, there may be a way to bring everyone back." I just shook my head, not believing a word he was saying. I just sat back into my chair and put another Cheeto in my mouth.

"I know you think I'm down here, swelling alone in self pity, waiting to be rescued. That I need some sort of saving. Well you are wrong. I'm fine, we're fine." This was a total lie and deep down I knew that too. But I thought if I just keep saying I'm fine all the time, maybe I start believing it myself.

"Thor..." Bruce started.

But I cut him off again. "So whatever you are offering we are not interested, don't care, couldn't care any less."

"We can bring Y/n back."

This made me freeze. I haven't heard that name in so long. It was kinda like a forbidden word in new Asgard. Hearing the name just hurts too much.

Within seconds I jumped of my chair and pushed Bruce back. "Don't you say that word in my home, or else..." It was hardly threatening, seeing as I was just another lonely fat guy.

"Or else..." I muttered, not knowing any good threat.

Bruce put his arm around my shoulders. "I know it hurts mate."

This caused the anger to rise in my chest. He knows nothing of my pain. It is my fault Y/n is dead. It is my fault everyone is dead. If only I would have gone for the head. I could feel a tear roll down my cheek. A tear I thought I didn't have anymore.

I took another deep breath. "He's gone. There is nothing I can do about that." It was the hard, but sad truth.

"I don't know who this Y/n is. But there is a way to bring him back, to bring everyone back. So get off your fat ass and stop being selfish for a second. You are not the only one who lost people." The rabbit hissed at me. I pulled an offended face.

Remind me to skin the rabbit later.

Bruce looked shocked at him. "Rocket?! You can't say stuff like that." The rabbit just shrugged. "What happened to the old Thor? Are you the God of Thunder or the God of Snacks?"

I could reply without even thinking about it. 'That Thor died when Y/n turned to dust.' I thought. But I wasn't going to let them know that. Even though I was left heart broken, I still had a little pride left in me.

So I grinded my teeth. "I'm the God of Thunder."

"Good, then come with us. We'll fix all of this." I slowly nodded at his words. I would like to believe that there was a way to reverse everything. I really want my sweet h/c haired man back.

"Let's do this." I tried to sound brave, but I was terrified. I miss the old me, the old me would not hesitate to jump at danger.

"Ready to go?" The rabbit asked, pulling me out my thoughts.

I grabbed the wooden box from the table. I wasn't going anywhere without my love. I planted a small kiss on it, while making a promise to myself and to him.

"I'm coming for you love. This time I will not fail."

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Word count: 1238  ✦  22.03.2023