twisted // tyler seguin

thirty

Gabby and Michael left me to work the rest of my shift in silence. They did it out of pity for me, but in the end I didn't mind it. Since Julia came to pick me up, I told her what happened.

"So you're just not gonna go back? I mean, you are aware of the fact that you still have clothes and stuff at his house, right?" She eyed me as she made her way down the road. It was uncanny how much she sounded like Tyler.

I shrugged in response. "I'll just stop by to pick up more stuff. 'S not a big deal."

Julia rolled her eyes. "So you're just gonna stroll into his crib, and get a couple of clothes, and hop out? You know that sounds weird."

I didn't respond. What was the need to? Julia yapping at me was the last thing I felt like hearing, and I sure as hell didn't feel like entertaining it.

"Ignoring me is cool too." Julia came to a red light and checked her phone. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but I just don't get why you're so intent on not going back. He apologized. All you guys have to do is talk about it. I'm not understanding the problem."

I whipped my head towards Julia. Was this even my sister I was talking to? "Julia. He cheated on me. With Jessica. Are you not understanding what the problem is?"

She rubbed her face as she began to pull off. "I understand that it's Jessica, and the rarity of that happening Sav. I'm saying, that he's obviously sad and he misses you. Why can't you-"

"He cheated on me Julia!" I cried out. A cynical laugh came out of my mouth. "Are you serious? Are we really having this discussion right now? You're my sister, I would think you out of all people would understand this."

Julia gave me a solemn look before sighing. "And I would think you out of all people would know that's not the real reason why you're mad at Tyler. You're not mad at him. You're mad at yourself."

"What are you talking ab-"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You try to avoid it everyday of your life. You're still ashamed about Ryan aren't you?" Julia shook her head.

Ryan's name was the last name I wanted to hear right now. It felt like an insult to even have Julia utter that name in a situation like this. "What the hell does Ryan have to do with any of this?"

"You were so stuck on not repeating the past, but look at where that got you. There's so much anger and regret stored inside of you that you don't know who to gear it towards. So you dump it off on Tyler and Jessica. It happened in high school, Sav. You just turned 22. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to grow up."

Julia's words hit me hard. Another wave of tears threatened to wash over me, but my anger made them recede. "Grow up? Julia, I am grown. You have no clue what you're talking about. Ryan has absolutely nothing to do with Tyler, and the fact that you even decided to make that comparison makes no sense on an astronomical level." My blood pressure was beginning to rise due to all of the idiocy around me. First Tyler, now my sister? What the hell was this? A Series of Unfortunate Events?

"Well, they obviously have some type of comparison, considering the fact that they both had sex in the same manner with Jessica. You are so hell bent on hating her, just because she stole your shitty boyfriend that you always ended up finding a way to love. I just- I can't believe you're still thinking about that." Julia sighed.

"Maybe when you get your virginity taken by someone that you loved, then later go on to realize that they never loved you and they loved you best friend- maybe then you can tell me what to do." The words started flowing out of my mouth faster than I wanted them to. "You, Mom and Dad used water my issues down until I shut up about them. You guys gave me the shittiest advice. I did what I thought was right for me. But that was always an issue, wasn't it Julia? So when something bad happened to me, you all pitied me and pulled the 'I told you so' bullshit. No. No one ever told me anything. You can't tell me shit unless you been through what I been through."

Julia gave me a monotonic stare. "You're fucked up Sav. You need to talk to Jessica because quite frankly, you really have lost your mind. It's obvious that your past is coming back to haunt you, and you need to tie or sever these bonds that are holding you back like that. Your pushing the wrong people away, especially Tyler. If you lose him because of some- kiddie like insecurity that you have, it's going to be your fault. No one is going to baby you, so like I said, you need to grow up."

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. I hate myself. To be told off like I did and to be disowned and kicked around like I was in such a short amount of time made me angry, to say the least. Too many emotions were running high throughout my body. I felt as though I was ready to burst out of this limiting vessel.

Julia wasn't lying. Ryan did occasionally slip through my mind. He was the first and last person I ever had sex with. I was head over heels for him- who wouldn't be? He had a beautiful pair of green eyes, and a perfect smile. He meant the world to me. Ryan treated me how any girl would want to be treated. But it wasn't towards the end of senior year that things began to change. I knew he was cheating on me. He didn't come over like he used to every weekend, he never came to pick me up and drive me to random locations, but most of all, he never looked at me like he used to. Ryan used to look at me with this grin that was so mysterious and beautiful, I would fall in love all over again.

To give someone your virginity, and to have things fall apart the way Ryan and I did was traumatizing. I truly loved him. I loved Ryan with every living cell inside of me, and for him to just lose interest so quickly like he did- it ruined me. That's when I realized I wasn't shit. I learned that I wasn't shit if someone could break me down like that. And that thought permeated throughout my brain. My parents would make me feel worse, by saying things like "Next time don't look for your worth in a boy" and "I knew he was trouble in the first place". I wasn't trying to hear that. I wanted to hear someone degrade Ryan. But it never came.

When I got to Julia's apartment, her chiding came to no end. She was angry with me, I could tell.

"You should call or text Tyler for Jessica's number. You need to talk to her, and I'm not kidding." Her voice was demanding and full of passive aggression.

I looked at her furrowing my eyebrows. "Julia, it's seriously not that big of a deal. I don't need her number, she's not the one I have the problem with."

"Yes it is!" Julia threw her hands in the air. "It is Savannah, and you know it is. You should've seen how tense you got when I mentioned Ryan. You need to settle some things with her because you're still gripping onto it and gearing it towards the wrong person." She sighed sitting down. "We literally just had this talk in the car. Just goes to show how much you really listen."

I rolled my eyes. None of this was necessary. None of it. I could handle this on my fucking own, so why was Julia making me do things her way?

I searched through my phone, and took Tyler off of block list. Calling him would probably be more effective than texting him, so I put the phone to my ear as I pressed call. A long sigh exited my mouth as my heart rate increased.

"Hey." Tyler's voice was deeper over the phone than it was in person, and I certainly wasn't complaining. "Something wrong?"

"Do you have Jessica's number?" The question came out a bit colder than I wanted it to.

"Uh, yeah why?"

A quick wave of annoyance shot through my body. "Uh, because I need it?"

Tyler sighed and let a pause occur. "I'll text it to you." Another pause. "That's it?"

"Yep."

Shuffling occurred over the other end as Tyler sighed again. "Okay, see ya."

I hung up, leaving his farewell with no response. It was one lest chest pain I had to deal with.

My phone went off as Tyler's name popped up over my screen. Jessica's number was sent to my phone, but it sent under the name of Jess. Nice.

The same chest pain that I tried to avoid became apparent, this time for reasons unknown. Tyler's voice lingered in my head for a while before I finally decided to call Jessica.