twisted // tyler seguin

seventy seven

Three fucking weeks had flown, and the day was fucking here. 

Julia Lynn Whitfield was getting married. 

I was stuck in the bedroom of the hotel we were staying at near where her marriage would occur. My hair was thickly placed into loose finger waves that cascaded down to my waist, which made me realize how long its been since I've placed a pair of scissors to my hair. The bridesmaid dress I was shoved into squeezed at every inch of my body, with white mermaid lace crisscrossing across my torso and sleeves, which reached my wrists. The champagne colored dress revealed quite of bit of cleavage as well. 

Prior to this magnificent day showered in matrimony, nothing had changed. Except for one thing; Steve and I hooked up. After coming home from a day out in the softball field, Steve lazily pinned me up against the wall of his apartment. His eyes were red and low, as he struggled to keep them balanced. "Let me fuck you Savannah, just for tonight." 

Minutes later he was ramming into me, and I was whining in pleasure. He did not let up on me, and showed no affection; calling me a "fucking slut" and a "wet whore". The vulgarity made me last for half the time I would have with anyone else. After a few minutes of adjusting to Steve, I had a quick guilty thought of Tyler- what was he doing now? 

Shame followed me after we both finished that night. I managed to keep it under wraps, due to the fact that I did not want to bring Steve into a conflict he had no business being in; also because of the fact that what occurred was mostly my fault.

He denied any options of doing it again, angrily claiming that I was lucky I did not gain feelings for him. 

As for Tyler? I have not heard from him nor did I put in any effort to. The Dallas Stars were a conference title short of making it to the Stanley Cup. When I saw the report, my heart eerily sank. I could imagine him slamming his bag onto the floor, and sarcastically answering me when I asked him how he was feeling. Theoretically, of course, if I was still living there.

Granted, it was weak of me. To run out of a man's life, cutting off all contact to pieces and more- it was unforgivable. There were times where I wanted to run back to his large house and feel the familiar warmth of being in his arms- but I was too much of a coward. Steve was growing tired of me as well. I could feel it in his aura; his eyes gave me a look of disappointment that told me that I treaded waters too deep to swim out of. Maybe he was right.

And so three weeks flew by. And I was stuck in a bedroom with the same women who were in Tyler's house the day of Julia's bachelorette party. 

Despite the smell of flat irons and burning hair, the elephant in the room seemed to have taken residence within my head. Tyler apparently still vouched to come, and said he would help Julia and her groom out if any was needed. Obviously uneasy, I did nothing but smile at the news when she relayed it to me.

"You don't have to grimace like that, you know." Julia said as she applied her plum lipstick. She was sporting a smoky makeup look, one that looked like it would be presented on a runway. Her face was chiseled with contour, and she looked beautiful. 

"I didn't mean to grimace Jul." I mumbled. My eyes shifted around, and I felt the anxiety kicking in. "It's just going to be weird to be in a room with him, you know?" 

She slammed her lipstick down and pursed her lips before abruptly turning towards me. A fellow bridesmaid was adjusting her veil as Julia pierced me with her infamous stare. "Savannah, I'm going to ask you one thing, and one thing only today." Her hands took a folded form and her eyes shifted downward before taking a hard blink and returning them back to me. "I am getting married. Please, please, please do not even think about ruining this day for me. I understand that you have not seen Tyler, and you have not spoken to him and it will be awkward. Do not take this day out of every other day you had to cause a large commotion. I am begging you."

The room went quiet except sounds of flat irons and the placement of makeup brushes. A heavy feeling in my chest left me humbled. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"I'm not saying you can't speak to him," Julia began adjusting the long veil as her bridesmaid tightened it. "I just don't need you making it completely fucking obvious that something wrong is going on. As a matter of fact, I do want you to speak to him. In a-"

"Jul, you know I can't do that." I quickly responded. "I can't even begin-"

"In a civil way, you can. You can apologize, and he can apologize- whatever needs to be done to put this to rest." Her eyes remained locked on mine. "Please. For me."

I had nothing else to say for the rest of the morning. Julia was right. It took far too long for me to realize the depth of my shitty actions. Not only was I throwing myself into a jeopardized lifestyle, but I was also doing the same to those closest to me. Tyler has probably managed to drown himself in an unimaginable amount of guilt, rooted in believing that he was not able to take care of me as well as he wanted to. If so, that's far from the truth. It was me who was not able to take care of myself, and I blamed that on others. I was weak; and instead of realizing that truth, I placed it onto others.

The back of my eyes started to burn, as I realized how much easier my life could have been if I hadn't fucking drunk that alcohol that night. If only I had told him I ran out of medicine, if only I had told him how insecure I was feeling- how different would things be now?

I pushed these thoughts to the back of my head as we began to make our journey to the venue. As we drove under the sweltering spring sun, I couldn't help but track back to how undoubtedly boring my life was a year ago- and how one little mistake twisted my life into ways I would never imagine.