twisted // tyler seguin

sixty three

Out of the few people I have met through Tyler, Jesse had to be the best. It wasn't because of his slight physical resemblance to Tyler, but because of his genuine personality. He was very open and candid about a lot of things, and what really got me was that he didn't mind talking to me- someone he barely knew.

On Monday, I came downstairs for the first time that day around 3pm. Jesse was sitting on the couch watching some reality television show, drinking a beer. He turned towards me and flashed me a cute smile that made my heart lighten. "Hey Savannah."

"Hey," I said quietly. I went to the fridge and forced myself to eat a donut that Tyler left for me. "How are you?"

"I'm good. A bit hungry too, I was going to order a pizza. Do you want something?" Jesse turned around from the couch and looked at me.

The donut suddenly tasted like lead when he mentioned the word pizza. A nice slice of spinach and ricotta could do the job. "Yeah, I'll take something."

"Well that's good," he got up and took one last swig of his beer and tossed it in the trash. "Tyler told me you've barely been eating."

Of course he did. I nodded, picking away at the sour cream donut. "I just haven't been having an appetite. Everything just sounds nasty to eat. Except for pizza."

Jesse laughed. "He's really worried about you, you know."

I went quiet, not really sure how to answer his statement. The donut was starting to make my stomach churn with uneasiness, so I chucked it in the trash. Sour cream donuts were usually one of my top three donuts, but now? They seemed repulsive.

I swapped the donut with a bottle of water and instantly felt better. There's no such thing as going wrong with water. The smooth feeling of the liquid running down my throat instantly made me feel a bit better.

Jesse ordered two small pizzas; one for him and one for me. We ate together on the couch, and for once, I didn't feel the need to throw the entire pizza down my throat.

"You feel okay?" Jesse asked after swallowing his food. I nodded, shutting the box after my second slice. An awkward silence occurred, leaving me to daze off about nothing in particular. "Can I ask you something, Savannah?" Jesse asked.

My attention was reawakened. "Yeah, what's wrong?"

He was hesitant on asking me his next question. "Can you tell me how you've been feeling recently?"

I shrugged. "Fine."

Jesse looked at me with confusion. "Savannah, I mean recently. With the whole not eating, sleepiness and the panic attack, how-"

"Who told you I had a panic attack?" I barked at him. He was startled by my sudden outburst.

"Uh, Tyler did."

"I didn't have a panic attack." I said looking back towards the TV. "I was just upset that he was leaving me."

Jesse wiped his mouth and sat his pizza on the table. "Savannah, he told me everything. From what he told me, I think you have something going on up there. Tyler told me that you even agreed with him, that you know something is wrong. There's no need to get defensive, I just want to know."

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." I said sighing. "I just know some days, I want to be alone. Others I don't want to leave Tyler's side. Sometimes, I even feel like leaving my own body. I'm getting tired of my surroundings. Well, at least for today I am. Check back with me tomorrow, because it feels like it changes every damn day."

Jesse nodded his head in understanding. "When'd you start feeling this way?"

I shrugged. "Around the time Julia told me she was getting married I guess."

The black panties in Tyler's suitcase suddenly flashed in my head. No, I thought. I couldn't tell Jesse about those. He'd tell Tyler like the snitch he secretly is. I rubbed my head, annoyed with the silly delusion.

"Why? Do you want to get married or something?" Jesse asked.

"I- I don't know. I really don't. At the time I did. You ever want something just because you see someone else with it? It was one of those types of things, and me and Tyler weren't doing so good anyway. I don't know why I feel like this. I feel gross. Like I can't trust anyone. I'm on edge all the time.

"And I know I'm putting Tyler through hell, I can feel it. He's probably worried sick about me. I feel so bad for him, I really do Jesse. I wish I could just hop out of this funk, and be back to normal, like I was in spring. Matter of fact, I wasn't even normal back then. Maybe I said it was because its a hell of a lot better than what I'm feeling like right now."

Jesse grabbed his phone and quickly typed something in. He scrolled before putting the phone up to his ear and staring at me. Dread filled my stomach and a sense of worry filled me. "What are you-"

"Yes, hi, my name is Jesse Blacker and I have a concern for someone I know. I'm scared they may have some type of mental illness, and I wanted to know if you have walk in appointments. You do? Really? Okay, thank you. You close at 7?"

My eyes darted to the clock. 4pm.

"Okay, we'll be there shortly. Thank you. Bye." Jesse stood up and turned the TV off.

"I'm not going." I spat out immediately. "There's nothing wrong with me, I don't need to go."

He ignored me and locked the doors before grabbing his keys off the kitchen island. This wasn't happening. I didn't want to go to the doctors. I didn't need to go the doctors. Jesse however, begged to differ. He walked around the coffee table and yanked me up.

"We're putting an end to this." He said with a stern voice.

"How are you going to put an end to something that never started?" I whined out, trying to break free of his grasp.

"Of course you're going to say it never started since you've been used to it for so long."