Season 1: Leah Williamson

Part 71

It's now Christmas break. You got the boys back, but you seem to be a little off, lately. After the loss of your mom, you decide to spend Christmas with the Beckham family. Right now, you're having a walk in a park with some of the Arsenal girls. You're walking in the front with Beth and Steph. In the back, Leah is following, pushing the stroller with the boys asleep in it, with Lia and Viv.

Viv: How are you doing?

Leah: I'm doing okay, but worried about her... I've never seen her like that.

Lia: That much?

Leah: The doctors say that depression is different for everybody, but, um... on day, she might just feel better. They just don't know when that day will be.

Viv: I didn't know she was that bad.

Lia: Well, let's hope this day is today.

Leah: Yeah...

Viv: How are you and the boys?

Leah: I'm okay, I mean, I know she's not herself, but... the boys are struggling with it. They don't understand why their mom isn't their mom anymore. Since they were born, she's been present and sweet.

Viv: We're proud of you...

Lia: Yeah, you're exactly what Y/n needs, right now.

Leah: Well, she's always been everything to us. Now, it's time for us to be her everything... In sickness and in health... For better or for worse...

Lia takes Leah in her arms, as Viv takes the stroller in her hands to keep walking. In the front, you're just walking with Beth and Steph, pretending that everything's fine. Hours later, you come back home with Leah and the boys. You're sat outside, in the garden, drinking your coffee. Leah comes outside and sits next to you.

Leah: How'd you like to spend the day, just you and me? Your dad's watching Jack and Lucas. Let's go for a ride.

Y/n: Whatever...

Leah: You say the sweetest things to me, Y/n Williamson.

You give her a little smile before getting up. You drop the boys to your parents' and Leah drives you to a place you went once. She drives till a beautiful place close to the sea, a place where Leah brought you once when you got back together nearly two years ago. You walk for a bit, then you stop sitting on a bench watching the horizon and the sea.

Y/n: It's not gonna change anything, Leah. Whatever plan you have is not gonna fix me.

Leah: Why not? That place fixed me.

Leah grabs your hands, but she can feel that you're distant and cold.

Leah: Beth offered 4 days at the snow, do you want to go?

Y/n: You don't need my permission to go Leah. You're a big girl.

Leah: Fine... I'll go with the boys then.... Babe, I know you want to be alone, but, please, don't push me away.

Y/n: Okay... Can we go back home?

Leah: Sure. Let's go.

Leah drives you home. When you get there, you sigh seeing a car parked in front of your house. It's Katie's. You're tired of all that, always have to someone around you when all you want is to be alone.

Leah: Don't push away everyone, cause all we want is to help you...

Y/n: But you're not helping me by all the time being around me. You're suffocating me more than anything....

Leah: We just love you... Don't blame us for that.

You don't reply anything, you just get out of the car and walk towards Katie. You hug her as a way to say "Hi".

Katie: Hey, how are doing? I was just passing around and I thought...

Y/n: Don't, Katie. It's useless... I know that you're here to watch over me, because Leah asked you to, or the girls asked you to.

Katie: We are just worried about... and we care so much about you...

Y/n: Now, you're here, come in...

The three of you get inside, you go have a seat in the garden with Katie. Leah rather wants to give you some space and know you're in good hand with Katie.

Katie: How are you doing?

Y/n: Katie, you don't have to do that, please.

Katie: Okay, we just want you to know that you're not alone through this. All the girls are with you.

Y/n: You know it won't go away in a second... Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind. You just got to be careful not to touch it where it hurts. It's always there though.

Katie: I guess, it can be hard... I won't tell you that I know what you're going through, cause I don't, but... I do think that... in the darkest time, I have always believed that the light will shine... Sometime all you have to do is remember to turn it on.

Katie leaves you on those words that make you think. Skip to the day where you're supposed to leave for the snow. Leah is refining the last stuff and makes sure there's everything in the suitcases. You step in your room, and come sitting on the bed.

Leah: Hey babe, how are you feeling?

Y/n: When are you leaving?

Leah: In an hours or two, maybe.

Y/n: And who's gonna be there?

Leah: Beth, Viv, Caitlin, Kim, Steph, Alessia, the boys and I...

Y/n: Is there a place left yet?

Leah: You mean, you want to come?

Y/n: Yeah... I love you, Leah.

Leah: I love you, too.

Youpack up your things for 4 days.

Hours later, Leah drives you and the twins to the place in the mountains that Beth rented for those 4 days, in Scotland. You all get there at the same time, your car, Steph's car (driving Caitlin and Kim), and Viv's car (driving Beth and Alessia).

Beth: Okay, so there's 10 of us... 5 rooms.

Caitlin: Rooms....

You all rush towards the rooms to be able to have the best one. Beth and Viv are just bursting at laugh.

Viv: You had them lock the master, right?

Beth: Don't worry, we're good.

Viv: Okay.

You all get comfy in the mountain chalet. Everyone has their room. You're obviously sharing yours with Leah, Beth with Viv, the twins, Caitlin with Alessia, and Steph with Kim. Then, later in the day, everyone goes doing their own thing, some went for a walk, some went shopping. Everyone is playing in the snow outside with Jack and Lucas, they are all laughing and smiling. You watch them from the living room, a little smile appears on your face. Skip a little while in the day, you're having a nap, when someone is coming in the room. You feel someone sitting next to you, waking you up slightly.

Alessia: Hey, sleepy head...

Y/n: Hey...

Alessia: How are you feeling? You okay?

Y/n: Not really... But it's gonna be okay.

Alessia: We are getting out, tonight. Do you want to come?

Y/n: I don't feel like it. I'll stay here with the boys.

Alessia: Are you sure?

Y/n: Yeah, it's fine.

Alessia gives you a kiss on the forehead. You can't get back to sleep. You stay in bed, looking at your wedding ring, spinning round and round. It feels like someone took your emotions out of you. You don't feel anything.