Sidemen Imagines

Everything Breaks (Part 2)

"You still don't have a temperature" Ethan mumbled as he held up he thermometer in front of himself.

About 3 days ha passed since you found out you were pregnant and you still hadn't told Ethan. He was getting more and more worried every single day, he would wake up to you throwing up then the rest of the day was spent as if nothing had happened. He was clueless.

You sighed as he set the thermometer down, Ethan had demanded you stay in bed today as 'all that throwing up can't be good' which, in fairness, wasn't good and made you feel like shit, but you knew exactly what was causing it and you didn't feel a need to lie in bed and admit defeat.

"Do you need anything?" He asked, the look on his face was so confused, he didn't know how to help and he didn't know what was wrong. He wanted so badly for you to be better but, you probably won't feel much better for at least 8 months now.

"Do we have any marshmallows?" You cocked your head to the side, your cravings weren't supposed to come in for a long time into the pregnancy but your body was one of a kind, for the past week you've wanted nothing but marshmallows and until three days ago you had no idea why.

"Yes but I don't think you should have any. It might be why you're getting sick, too much sweetness? Plus I can't imagine that would be very nice coming back up" he said worriedly, you just rolled your eyes.

"Marshmallows aren't making me sick" you frowned like a child, not getting what you wanted. 

"Then what is?!" He yelled suddenly, taking you by surprise. You had scooted back in bed and brought the covers up, slightly scared as he stormed towards you.

"I, am so scared, Y/N. I can't figure out what's wrong and if you're not willing to help make it stop then I don't know what to do! I feel like you're doing this on purpose, Y/N. Are you? Are you doing this to yourself? Because if you are you need to tell me so I can help you. You know just think you're beautiful and you don't need to do this. I love you so much, I-"

"Stop Ethan!" You burst out with tears threatening to spill. You felt awful for making him think you're making yourself sick, you wouldn't ever do that to him and he knows you wouldn't, you had to admit it did look suspicious but you couldn't let him think that.

"I need to know you're okay" he whispered. Although the room was dark because the curtains were drawn, you couldn't help but notice the small glimmer slide down his cheek. He dropped his head and grabbed your hands "please tell me you're okay" he whispered ever quieter, a small hiccup escaping his lips.

"Hey" you said soothingly, rubbing a hand up and down his back after retracting it from Ethan's grip,

"Look at me" you whispered. His head slowly rose to look you in the eye, the shine on his cheeks much brighter than before.

"I would never, ever do that to you. You mean the world to me and I made a promise to you that j wouldn't never hurt myself again. I know I have done in the past but I never will again. You helped me and you still are, I promise, I'm okay, I'm not doing this to myself" you said softly and gently so Ethan could hear every single word, so he would hear how serious you were.

In the past you have to admit to hurting yourself badly. You used to make yourself sick to make yourself thinner. You were bullied and teased for being slightly overweight so you did what you thought was right and stuck two fingers down your throat every single day.

Then you met Ethan. He helped you realise this wasn't right, he taught you how to love yourself and how to take what they say is bad and turn it into your best feature. You buy from plus size? You give warm hugs. Your laugh is loud and annoying? It means you're happy and it makes people remember you. You have a scar? It means you've been through wars and come out on top. You survived and you're still smiling.

Ethan was your reason to smile. And you could never hurt him like that again.

"Then tell me what's wrong?" He sighed, trying to blink his tears away.

"Do you love me?" You asked, a small sniffle starting to come from you.

"What kind of question is that?" He asked as if you were stupid.

"Just answer" you demanded taking him by surprise. He was silent before whispering;

"With all my heart" you stared at him for a while before you couldn't contain it anymore. You hiccuped once before letting it erupt;

"I'm pregnant"

He was silent. Staring at you. You could hear his brain working and you could imagine what was going through his head.

"What?" He asked with a small giggle. Was this good? Was he excited?

"You're...? You're? You're not right?" He asked with another giggle. You felt your heart drop. He obviously didn't want this. He was asking for it to be a joke of some form. You didn't find anything funny about this.

Your head dropped and you shook it. The laughter ceased and everything went quiet. You felt the bed rise as Ethan stood up, rubbing the back of his neck with his palms, breathing deeply.

"No. No. No you're making this up!" He laughed again but this time it was forced, it was nervous. It felt horrible to hear.

"Ethan" you tried reasoning.

"No, Y/N. No, you can't do this to me, you can't give this child to me. You can't take my whole life and ruin it!" He yelled. How words making you feel smaller and smaller with every breath he took. You were ruining his life weren't you?

"This isn't all my fault, you were there too!" You yelled back, tears were free falling down your face by this point, you got up to stand face to face with him, trying to intimidate him but failing miserably as he was almost a foot taller than you.

"You should have known!" He screamed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I should've known?! How was I supposed to know the condom would break? How was I supposed to know I would get pregnant?!" You were gesturing this way and that, probably going to knock something over soon.

"I don't know, just-" he put his face in his hands, both of you breathing heavily. He slowly lifted his head, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, he stared you dead in the eyes before saying the one thing you didn't wanna hear.

"Get out" he said simply.

"Ethan please I-"

"OUT" he screamed, frightening you even more. You quickly grabbed a hoodie, your phone, keys and wallet before running out.

"Alone again" you sobbed, falling to your knees as soo as you were at least a few streets away from your apartment. Allowing sobs to take over your body, breaking down completely. All alone. Again.