Sidemen Imagines

You Can't Tell Anyone (25)

"Okay ladies, breathe in..." The instructor said in her airy voice. She was so mellow and chilled as she talked about the gaping hole that would soon be ejecting a baby from you.

You were currently sat on a small pink mat in a semi circle of pregnant ladies and pale looking partners, clutching onto their wives/girlfriends/fiancés hand tightly as small beads of sweat slid down the sides of their face. Obviously the introduction was a bit scary as she began by talking about the tearing that could happen... Welcome to motherhood...

"And exhale" the calmness in her voice was eerily soft and relaxed. You wouldn't be surprised if she had smoked a joint before walking into the class. For all you knew she got high and walked in, she might not even be your teacher.

"Remind me why we're here again?" Josh muttered into your ear, taking you by surprise as the whole room was filled with a soft blowing noise as everyone exhaled.

"So we're prepared" you shot back. You had woken up cranky this morning and being placed in between Josh's legs as you did breathing exercises with strangers wasn't helping the matter very much.

"For what? You feel a twinge; we go into hospital. I don't see why we need to be here" he scoffed, his hands tensing slightly around yours that were placed delicately in his sweaty palms.

"You don't have to be here, I don't mind being here alone" you raised an eyebrow even though your eyes were closed, Josh's were meant to be too but you raised it nonetheless.

"How many times do I have to repeat that you're stuck with me? I'm not leaving you again." You bit down on your tongue to stop the snide comeback from escaping your lips. Technically he wasn't back, he was merely in your presence.

"Maybe repeat it once more, it still feels like a nightmare to me" okay maybe your comment wasn't exactly kind but it was tamer than what you were going to say.

"I'm not exactly happy about this either. Melissa's struggling to come to terms with it" he whispered. You made sure to only talk when the room was loud enough and you were quiet enough to not get caught for not doing the breathing exercises properly.

"Oh no. What a shame" you didn't even bother to try and hide the sarcasm in your voice. It was as thick as anything.

"Okay now ladies I would like you to all face the front. I think it's time we introduce ourselves now" she beamed in her 70's haircut. You swivelled around with Josh's legs still either side of you. Before you wouldn't be able to help yourself from leaning back and cuddling with him, now you'd rather be anywhere else.

"Let's start with this lady and work our way around" she tapped a heavily pregnant woman on the shoulder, a few couples down from you before taking a seat on her own mat.

"Uh, I'm Gemma, this is my husband Jake and we're having a girl" she smiled around the room as everyone smiled back. But not you. You were still grumpy.

"I'm Layla and this is Sophie. She's my fiancé and we're having a girl and a boy" all theses couples were making you think. Josh wasn't your husband, your lesbian lover or even a boyfriend. He was simply... Josh... What were you supposed to do?!

Then all of a sudden it was your turn.

"Uh- hi, I'm Y/N and this- this is Josh he's uhm, he's a good friend of mine and also the uh- father of the baby. We don't know the gender yet" you smiled awkwardly as you tried not to imagine the look on Josh's face behind you. There were a few sympathetic smiles being shown around the room but you brushed it off as Teri started talking about her "funny" conception story. You decided to zone out however.

What if you and Josh never become the parents that are in this room today? What if it ends up with Melissa as your baby's step mum and you're simply mum. Without Josh, you're a single parent, Josh will have Melissa creating a whole family for them. What if you get cancelled out and forgotten. What if Josh doesn't become the dad you want him to be. Thoughts were swarming your head and you began to feel light headed.

"Y/N?" Josh whispered in your ear. You were suddenly snapped out of your thoughts as his warm breath tickled your ear, his knuckles lightly pressing into your ribs.

"You okay? You've gone a little pale" he put the back of his hand against your forehead to check for a temperature. You swallowed hard, afraid of what would come out of your mouth. Josh's hand placed on your skin and the look on his face brought a lot of memories back to you.

You were a worrier, an anxious person. Any time you had worrying thoughts, you became pale and hot and sweaty, generally panicked. Josh was always so understanding of this and always made sure to check on you constantly. To anyone else it would be annoying, constantly being asked if you were okay. But it made you feel safe and with Josh's cool fingertips brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes had brought a funny feeling in your stomach.

You shook your head gently. In all honestly you didn't feel too great and with all these Josh thoughts floating around your head; you really didn't want to be in that room anymore.

"Uh excuse me?" Josh beckoned the instructor over as discretely as possible, she had managed to put another task on as you were talking so thankfully no one noticed.

"Y/N isn't feeling too good, I think we may have to leave" she pouted but nodded her head in understanding, she placed a hand on hint shoulder after Josh helped you stand up before whispering

"Rest up dear, it gets hard sometimes but these classes are important. Make sure you come in next week" she gave you a sweet little smile before returning to her teaching, Josh's hand hadn't left yours since he heaved you up from the floor, it only detached from yours as you jumped into his car.

You drove home in silence, every now and again Josh's hand would instinctively go towards your thigh, just like he used to whenever he was driving, it was just his natural resting place, he had to fight the urge to rest it there, instantly retracting his hand as it moved towards you. You had also managed to get into Harry's flat in silence too, that was until you had actually walked into the flat wth Josh behind you that he decided to break it;

"What's on your mind?" He cooed from the countertops as you threw your keys onto the kitchen table.

"What?" You scrunched your eyebrows, trying your best to hide your thoughts and feelings from Josh, unfortunately he knew you too well and persisted on getting you to talk.

"Y/N I know you, I understand you. Whatever's on your mind I wanna know so I can help" he smiled supportively but you couldn't bring yourself to admit anything.

"Look Josh it's nothing it's just-" but you were cut off by a searing pain across your abdomen, suddenly collapsing against the table from the shock.

"Y/N?! What's wrong?!" Josh asked in a panic, instantly rushing to your side and grasping your hand, you could barely breathe as the pain became unbearable. You'd never felt anything like it, mix in the worry you had for the baby and call this mess a horror film.

"Okay Y/N I need you to breathe okay, we'll get you to the hospital and get you checked out, don't panic, we'll get this sorted" you nodded as a tear slipped down your cheek, you were shaking as the pain started spreading across your back. Barely able to stand, you managed to get into the elevator and into Josh's car.

To the hospital I guess.