Sidemen Imagines

Why Do I Try (Part 5)

What do you do in this situation? Your ex boyfriend, the one you spent months trying to forget, the one you had happily let go of, just appears in front of you.

You hesitantly trace your finger over the trackpad, tapping twice to watch the video 'It's Over', your heart began to race and your palms became sweaty, the dots circling the centre of the screen seemed to be there forever.

"Hey guys-" he started, just his voice was triggering so any memories you had repressed, or at least tried to.

"Today I have something I wanted to discuss with you. Something happened a while ago and I'm still trying to figure everything out about it, but it's unfair to you that you should be kept out of the loop and unfair to her that she should have all these assumptions made about her, I knew how much they hurt her in the past" you saw a small flicker of a smile on his lips as the memory of you flashed into his mind. How you would whisper to each other your thoughts and feeling at 2 am, in bed, in the dark. Those nights were your most intimate nights, for many reason.

"Some of you have figured it out and some of you are still cluelessly grabbing possibilities of why I haven't uploaded for about a month. Well, the truth is that Y/N and I are no longer together" the small sentence left your heart shattered and you could almost hear his breaking as well. It wasn't necessarily the confession that hurt, the fact you were the reason he hadn't uploaded in months was the killer. Had you really messed him up that bad?

"I guess, for some people, relationships aren't right and for her, I'm guessing it wasn't. The past month has been pretty hard, I've just been trying to figure out everything that's happened and try to make sense of it all, I still can't, it all seems strange and I've never really felt this lost before but, I can't exactly stay hidden forever" he chuckled darkly at himself for a moment, a laugh you'd never heard before, it was broken and painful. Just like he seemed to be.

"Before you get your assumptions typed up in tweets and comments, I just ask you not to hurt her. It hurts me just as much, I'm sure she had her reasons for leaving. I know I've been an ass and neglected her a little and that's probably her main reason for leaving so with that in mind, she's already been through enough and doesn't need a mean comment thrown at her. She's still the beautiful, amazing girl I know she is and I still love her for that, but I know where I stand with her. And you should too. Bye" he reached up and behind the camera, the footage turning off instantly. His signature outro was long forgotten.

Your heart plummeted. You really had hurt him badly. But he had hurt you more. The decision to leave him was a spur of the moment thing, but it definitely wasn't a surprise to you. You knew you were going to leave him, you weren't happy, you couldn't cope with the distance and even though he tried to change, everything that was tearing you two apart just became stronger and prominent.

Breaking up had been playing on your mind since he had started neglecting you, you knew he was busy and accepted that he needed his space to get work done, but his whole attitude had changed, it felt like he really didn't care for you or you presence anymore. It felt like he wanted to get on with life and you were just in the way. It wasn't a nice feeling.

As much as Simon made you happy and safe, he also brought a lot of pain and unnecessary suffering, in the long run, you weren't happy.

You had pushed your coffee away, the want to be awake and lively had diminished completely, just wanting to go back to bed and forget about the world, your past meaning nothing to you anymore.

You shut the laptop lid but just before it pressed down completely, you were interrupted by a small knock at your door. You left your kitchen to answer it, not bothering to check the peephole first. That was a mistake, when you pulled the wood towards you, the face you were met with was much worse than the feeling in your stomach.

"Simon" you sighed, the face of the boy you once loved stood in your doorway, staring at you with complete sadness.

"I've missed you" he managed to say without his voice cracking once, the strain in his face said he was trying so hard not to cry, it almost made you feel teary. Almost.

"What are you doing here?"

Simons POV

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was shaken and awkward. A tone I had heard many times before and one I didn't care for.

"I just wanted to talk" I sighed, the complete truth was exactly what I had given her, my plan to get her back was just a small secret for now. She nodded her head and stepped aside, welcoming me into her home.

"This is nice" I chuckled slightly, her house was gorgeous, very clean and modern, it looked expensive too. It was big and the view was fantastic, the sort of place I used to dream about living in when Y/N and I became more serious. When we moved out of the sidemen house and became closer as a couple. Us against the world, in the apartment that was perfect for us. The decorating alone was exactly fitting to Y/N.

"Yeah I uh- moved in a month ago" she shit the door and slid her hands into her pockets, just from this gesture I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable. All the quirks and mannerisms never left my memory.

"It looks expensive" I mumbled more to myself, of course her perfect hearing picked up on it though.

"Yeah the rent is pretty big but, I'm pretty fortunate in the way of work." She nodded her head as I scrunched my eyebrows.

"You got a job?" I asked, a small proud feeling rising. When we were together she had always been really stuck for what she wanted to do with her life, I was supporting her for a while but it seems she's doing okay on her own.

"Yeah I'm- well I'm in business, in a CEO for a pretty big company" she smiled proudly, the small stretch of her lips making mine stretch as well.

"Congratulations" I beamed at her, my face starting to ache from smiling, an action I hadn't done for a while. She chuckled softly before a silence fell over the room, I stared at her as she stared at the floor. Her feet shuffling awkwardly before she looked upon to my eyes, a tired look on her face.

"Why are you here?" She shrugged, obviously upset with my appearance but I couldn't take it any longer, I needed to see her, I needed to be with her. It was too painful to be alone, I looked up to her and shrugged with a sad expression before my mouth took over the running thought in my head.

"Because I love you"