Wrong Number (Cake Hoodings)

36

{ t h i r t y s i x }

Calum<3: hi

Luke: hey

Calum<3: so this is kind of awkward now

Calum<3: but please don't reply for a few minutes so I can explain myself

Luke: ok

Calum<3: When I first joined the football team I was 13 years old. I only joined because my dad had started taking an interest in me when I started taking an interest in football.

Calum<3: I was confused, it was the Stacey's Mom period of my life and I figured that if I looked at a few girls differently then I'd be different.

Calum<3: there was this guy on my team called Lewis. He told all the guys in practise one day that he had a crush, but it was on a boy. I started seeing him differently after that because this was someone who thought the same way I did.

Calum<3: I would ask him so many questions, and one day I asked him how he knew he had this crush. My dad had been listening as I asked it.

Calum<3: he went insane, in front of the whole team he told everyone it was a disgrace having a crush on another boy, that in football you couldn't do that because it wasn't manly enough.

Calum<3: he was disgusted in me for about two weeks, wouldn't even look my way and all I wanted to do was bond with him. I still had football but since that little question he didn't care anymore.

Calum<3: once I was opposing Lewis in a game and he fell over my foot, hurt his knee real bad and my dad told me I did a great job and took me out for ice cream.

Calum<3: I was so fucking confused because of it and I started hurting Lewis more often, I don't want to go into details. Other people on the team would pick on him too because he had this silly little crush that he couldn't help.

Calum<3: Lewis moved away when he was 14 and I wasn't getting my dads attention anymore but I wanted too. I started to pick on people even if they acted the slightest bit gay. Especially if I was attracted to them.

Calum<3: I'd never do it when I was away from my dad though, not until you came along. 

Calum<3: because you're so fucking beautiful Luke and I didn't know what to do. The first time I called you princess, we were 15, and it was actually a slip up because in my eyes you were a cute little princess. The guys around me were the ones who turned it into an insult and I went along with it to cover up my mistake.

Calum<3: when we were 16 I cried in the bathroom because I accidentally called you babe one day and had to play it off when the guys I was with gave me disgusted looks. I had to pretend like I was teasing you for liking guys, when really I was just insulting myself.

Calum<3: I got beat up quite a few times for that slip up too and that's when the nickname 'fairy' came to life.

Luke: Cal

Calum<3: you said you wouldn't interrupt me. Please just let me explain because I don't want you to think that I was hurting you intentionally when I was just trying to hurt myself for being attracted to you.

Calum<3: I was so fucking attracted to you that it hurt me because I couldn't be attracted to a boy and get my dads approval at the same time.

Calum<3: and fuck when you wore girly clothing I got even more confused because I told myself I was only attracted to you because of the girly-ness.

Calum<3: now let's skip to a few weeks ago when you came into school with a fucking lip ring. I wanted to set myself on fire. You made it so difficult to even look at you without wanting to hurt myself for the feelings I had inside me because I was so goddamn attracted to you.

Calum<3: you really don't understand how pretty you are Luke.

Calum<3: then I got a number from Ashton. The person I texted didn't seem to be happy talking to me at all, but they were an outcast, genderfluid as I found out and I couldn't stop texting them because this was a stranger who I could actually come out to and they wouldn't judge me because they'd know how it feels.

Calum<3: and then I came out to them and I got more and more attached until I didn't even notice you in the halls Luke because I was too busy reading through messages on my phone from this genderfluid person.

Calum<3: I know I'm a fuck up but I like you so so much that it hurts because I want to be out for you Luke. I want to kiss you and hold you and take you on dates but I just can't do that

Luke: I'm not asking you to do that for me

Calum<3: but I'll hate myself if I don't.

Calum<3: I'm literally stuck in between a rock and a hard place.

Luke: what are you doing right now?

Calum<3: I have practise in 20 minutes so I'm heading there

Luke: skip it and come to my house please?

Calum<3: text me your address and I'm there.