(Sorry for not updating in a while... Holidays bring families and stuff to do... But I hope you enjoy and message me for a request!)
||Tori's POV||
"Kurt I get it. I really do, but staying in here all day is just gonna make them wonder where you are more," I murmured, as I stood in front of Kurt, who was sitting on the couch and had for the past three days.
He didn't want to go outside. He hated the media and he didn't want them to see him. Even since Nevermind had gotten big, he didn't know how to handle it. But because I was his girlfriend, I couldn't go out without rumors spreading either.
Last time I went outside by myself, a rumor spread that I was cheating on Kurt with Dave because I went out to eat with him. I hated the media, but I couldn't avoid them like Kurt thought he could.
"If they never see me again, I'll be forgotten," he countered, taking a sip of beer as he continued to watch an episode of Cheers. He was already on season 2 and he started yesterday.
"Kurt," I sighed, sitting down next to him and resting my head on his shoulder. "You can't get away from it now. I know you hate it but you're famous now. The world wants to know what the singer of Nirvana is doing. Rumors are gonna spread, shit like 'oh he killed himself or..'" I paused and looked at his face, which seemed almost guilty.
"Kurt..."
"If it would just all end wouldn't it be easier?" he whispered, crossing his legs and looking down at his lap, as I stared at him with complete shock.
"No! It wouldn't! Stop saying shit like that!" I yelled, jumping off the couch, tears about to come from my eyes.
"It'd get worse Kurt! Conspiracy theories, people following you because their hero did it! You can't!" I cried, watching his face stay hard and cold.
"You don't get it," he muttered, taking another sip and taking his eyes off me.
"No I don't but you can't do that to people! You can't kill yourself and expect everyone to be okay with it," I screamed, thinking of how life could be without him.
"Is it me?! Am I making you feel like this?" I murmured.
"Tori, I-"
"No if I'm the reason, I need to leave," I said, wiping a year away and going to grab my coat.
"Tori-"
"Kurt stop. I'm not doing this to you. I need to go," I muttered, taking a step towards the door, Kurt blocking the way.
"Stop this. You know it isn't you," he growled.
"Who is it then?"
"Tori-"
"Tell me Kurt! What's the damn problem?!" I yelled, starting to cry again.
"C-Courtney. She got me back on heroin," he murmured, as I seemed to forget how to breathe.
"You're still with her," I whispered, "you said you broke up with her."
"I did! We're in the middle of a divorce! It's just Frances and when I go to see her..."
"You sleep with her..."
"Tori, I don't-"
"I swear to you Kurt! I fucking trusted you! Go back to her then! You obviously don't need a divorce," I screamed, running out the door.
That was the last day I saw him. That was the day April 1, 1994. That was the last time anyone saw Kurt Cobain alive.
People like to say that I killed him or that Courtney did but I know what really happened.
He did what I tried to tell him not to. I wasn't the problem. I was helping the problem. I was the thing holding him back, but then I left. And Kurt Cobain couldn't handle it.
I don't live a day anymore without feeling the same regret I've felt for almost 20 years now. Well I mean if my emotions even count.
I haven't had a heartbeat since April 7th, 1994. That was the last time I ever took a breath. That was the day I decided that I couldn't live without him, like he couldn't without me.
But what a shame that when you died, you don't get to see loved one who've died before you.
All you get is a constant remind of what happened, and a never ending guilt for what you've done.
(Wow... Yeah I have no idea what happened with this one.... That was weird... Umm so Christmas right?)
