(For YoutubeMusicFoodBook ! This is my first daughter/father one so let's see how this goes! Sorry this took so long but I'm back from my break finally! Enjoy :))
||Jasmine's POV||
Fourteen years.
Fourteen years of not knowing what he was doing or where he was. He was only a memory and a lost one at that. I didn't remember what he looked like, only from pictures. He left a mark on the world and a bigger one on me.
I was four when he died and I swear I have memory of him. Maybe not the good him, but of him.
I remember him sitting in the rocking chair I had in my room, trying to finish a song or something. He got super pissed and threw the book across the room, which must've caused me to cry because after that all his attention was on me.
I remember him picking me up as if I'd fall apart as he did. I just wish I could've done something about it. For the rest of that night he cried with me in his arms. I know he did.
I was too small to make any difference in what he did although me being that size should've been enough.
I'm not sure nor do I want to know what happened the day he died. I didn't want to be the poster child for some 'Grunge Princes' death. It was fucked up. The press didn't need to know how I felt nor do they need to now. He's been gone for fourteen years, that's enough.
As a kid, everyone wanted to know what I thought but what did I know? I was trying to comprehend why my dad wasn't coming back while they wanted to see if I was in the room at the time of his death. Although I was only four, I knew it wasn't right.
It took me a long time to figure out what happened when my dad died. I mean, I knew he was dead but I didn't know where he was. For years, I told to myself that he was still there somewhere and he'd gotten lost somewhere but that wasn't the case.
I was about ten or eleven when I finally figured it out.
My mom was the most supportive she could be, although it wasn't much. She was merely a one night stand that ended up wrong. I was at least glad she gave custody when he was here. At least I got to know him for a while even if it be short.
I don't think she ever understood the pain of having to grow up knowing one of your parents overdosed. It makes them look so stupid in your eyes, even if they had their reasons for it all.
For all I know my dad could've been the smartest guy in the world, a fucking Einstein, but I'll never see him that way. I'll just see him as the idiot who did speed and ruined himself.
He was clean for a long time too. A lot of people say that it was my grandpa who put him back on drugs. I don't know the truth. I never met my grandfather nor do I want to. Mom won't let me in the first place. She said that he was worse than Dad.
Growing up without a dad is probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. Having no one to go with to my father-daughter dances always killed me inside. My uncle Mike always said that he'd be there for me with those kind of things but I never wanted to hold him to it. He never had any kids of his own and I guess he felt like I was a responsibility for him.
I never wanted to hold him to that but he'll be the one to walk me down the aisle and he'll be the one to help me find a good college to go to.
We never buried my dad either. I'm not sure why, maybe he wanted it that way but the urn is still sitting above our fireplace in the living room.
I'm moving out in a few months. I graduate on the 15th of June and then I'm gone. I have no idea where I'm going or what I wanna do but I'm gonna live with Mike for a while.
Because of my dads background and everything he did, I want a job in music but I don't know what. I never learned how to play an instrument because people would always ask me to play 'Rooster' and that made me mad.
Maybe I'll try and work at Rolling Stone or something. Maybe that's what he wanted me to do.
I always wonder if he would be proud of me for who I've become. Of course I'm nothing special, just a shy, awkward teenager whose dad happens to be a legend but I hope he's proud with the decisions I've made.
I hope he's happy that I don't do drug and that I never will or that I've never tasted alcohol. I hope he knows how much his small four years with me effected me in such a way. There isn't a day I don't think about him, but it's that way for a lot of people.
If fans recognize me, I'm more than happy to talk to them. I've always been that way. It isn't something that I'm forced to do, I want to do it. I think it would be my father's last wish.
Fourteen years ago, this was just a dream come true and now it's a nightmare come living. But maybe it's better up there for him, hanging out with all the greats. I'll never know.
I just hope that this is what he wanted me to do. I hope that I still matter to him.
(Alrighty :) here we go! I'm really happy to be back and hopefully my one shots will be a lot better from the break I've been taking. I hope you're having a great day)
