Something I Can't Have (Seme Male Reader x Kakashi) {Naruto Shippuden}

chapter 41

the next day...

kakashi pov

i sighed. today is the day. i dont know how i can work it in but i think i can manage. i gathered up my things, having finished teaching class, and walked out. as i headed to the library, i texted john.

me: i assume you still want me to tutor you, right?

i just had to ask.

john: of course. i wouldn't miss this for the world. are you on your way?

me: yes

i put my phone in my pocket and headed into the library. i had gotten a study room on the top floor of the huge university library. it has a door with a small window, a table with four chairs, and a huge dry erase board. i had already told him where it was so i just headed straight there.

i opened the door to the little room but it didn't seem like he was here yet. i looked a the schedule on the door, this is the right room and the right time. i put my bag down and texted him.

me: im here. where are you?

"right behind you," i jumped at the noise. i turned to see his smiling face. "that's highly unprofessional," i managed to wheeze out. he chuckled as we took our seats. i closed the door. he raised a brow to me once again. "first you want alone time and now you actually close the door? you do know that its just me and you in here, right? does iruka know about this?" he asked. i sighed. "yeah, he does. can we get started?" i asked, quickly trying to change the subject. he just shrugged.

"im curious. how are you and iruka doing? i haven't been seeing you guys around lately," he asked as he did his worksheet. "id...id rather not talk about it," i grunted, wishing he would just drop it. he pouted. "i bet it will make you feel better. im actually a great listener," he said with a sly grin. i sighed. "we broke up! ok? there, i said it," i was tired of his pestering. didn't stop trying to see what was wrong this whole time. "well damn. you didn't have to say it like that. i could see that it was really bothering you and im a caring person. sheesh," he grumbled, turning his attention back to the short answer.

i didn't like this awkward tension. after my little outburst, he just dropped it completely. stopped talking to me altogether. i sighed. "im sorry. im still a bit messed up about it. turns out he was married to some guy already," i said, placing my forehead in my hand. "tsk...what a coincidence," he grunted, not even looking at me. "coincidence?" i asked, raising a brow. "juugo had been married to a woman for the past 17 years," he said. if i wasn't wearing my mask, my jaw would have hit the floor. "had been? as in he still is?" i asked, suddenly realizing that he knows my situation all to well, especially since they were together far longer than me and iruka. "his wife is actually fucking gorgeous," he said. "damn..." i face palmed. he put his head in his hands. "its...is so fucked up. we were gonna get married and everything. i...i already had the ring. chosen the venue. we did soooooo many of the preparations. you wanna know how i found out? his wife came out of nowhere when we had gone to the grocery store," his voice cracked. shit. i can see he is still fucked up about it to. probably more so that i ever was. i rubbed his back soothingly, telling him to let it out cause it was gonna be ok.

around ten minutes of him sobbing and he was finally calming down. "im....im ok. im...fine. im young, ill get over it in a little while. the thing that really made me sad is that he was gonna divorce her just so he could marry me. he had 3 kids with her! how could i have actually let myself be ok with him divorcing her?! i was soooooo close to destroying a family. i dont know if i could have lived with it if i would have found out after we got married," he sniffled, wiping away his tears with a tissue. he took a deep breath. "im fine. im ok. mental breakdown has passed. lets....lets finish getting me caught up," he said. i nodded.