Turn It Up

The Pain of Reality

Pam was struggling to get a grip on the situation, it all seemed to random and just all over the place that even trying to imagine Saraya doing all of this was becoming a difficult thing to do, "So let me get this straight. She..beats you? She hit you once? Were you guys fighting? What exactly happened..I'm here for you, April.." Pam was trying to help so badly, she was trying to get April to see that all of her negative feelings of pain, anger, hatred..All of them weren't necessary. "She did it consistently..She always receded into a little hole after she did it. She tried to put the front up that what she did wasn't what she meant..But after the tenth or thirteenth time, I kinda stopped believing her bullshit." April's tone was as short as it was harsh. It was a weird, stupid kind of emotion that coursed through her body, it was a burning, fiery anger. The burning feeling in the pit of her stomach crawled its way up her body, and settled deep into her heart. It wasn't an open flame, but it was ten times hotter than fire. She couldn't help but sniffle and then grind her teeth lightly. The rage was all consuming now. She couldn't even try to hide it, Pam was never a fan of when people got angry, she hated it actually. There was a simple reason why she hated it; the impending implosion of people who kept their anger in was the most frightening thing to Pam, it was a kind of silent destruction of someone she cared deeply for. The process took a while to happen, but it did get there..And when it did? Pam was a shivering, fearful mess. Public knowledge said that you should try and not get that way around Pam, she was like a gentle little kid, fearful of anger and fighting. Ironic isn't it? Even when she got mad it was more of a quiet, brief rage. She didn't know how to hang onto anger like that, fear was different, but feelings of rage and frustration were emotions that didn't linger for all that long. She found no pleasure in getting mad at people like that. Even someone like Saraya who has wronged someone who is incredibly close to her, she still found it difficult to let herself get too enraged over the issue, she knew deep down inside that it would not help at all.

"Oh April..Honey buns, c'mere baby doll.." Pam opened up her warm, inviting arms and April couldn't help but shuffle a little over and drape herself all over Pam. Soft crying started from April, she still didn't know how to comprehend that Saraya had changed so much, the pain from the physical injuries paled in comparison to the emotional gashes that Saraya had left all over her heart and mind. Her emotions about Saraya felt all but drained and gone. She felt like her life was a waste, it was nothing more than just a placeholder to make others happy. For happiness in April's mind was something of a fantasy, a really nice..THOUGHT, but nothing more than just that. Pam wrapped her arms around April's frail, fragile little body and held the woman close to her heart. April felt pitiful, she felt powerless to stop the avalanche that was Saraya's self destruction. "What do I do, Pam..?" April posed the question to Pam in a vain attempt to get an answer from her warm friend. There was nothing that April could think of doing to even try and stop the bleeding here. It felt like her heart was gushing, being drained of all blood and drenching the floor. April felt her whole body become cold at the thought of dying..Why the thought of death crossed her mind was just a combination of how she got to where she is right now, as well as what the future is going to bring. She felt done with everything. Nobody could convince her that life right now was worth living. No person should be pushed through this much pain and suffering like this. No person should know what it feels like to be struck daily by a loved one, the mental anguish alone was enough to drive a person mad, enough to make someone think these terrible thoughts..And quite frankly? No one deserves..this.

Fergal was still laying in bed, trying to quietly figure out what the hell had just happened with Colby. It was a crazy thought to think that his relationship was imploding due to another's pure lust, and anger. Why would Saraya do that to Colby and Mercedes? It didn't make any sense, he knew that Saraya and Colby were close, but she took clear advantage of him tonight. Why the hell would she do all of that. The thought and idea just simply didn't make any simple sense. It didn't make any sense as to why the hell she would intentionally sabotage a relationship that had nothing to do with her. Did she want Colby? But wasn't she like, engaged? Fergal was just so confused, and he was petrified how Mercedes would take it..Poor girl had already been drug through the dirt for many, many years by everyone around her. This was going to be no different. He shook his head at the thought and a slight chill creeped up his spine. 'I need to call Pam.' The thought rang through his head as there was only one person that he would honestly be able to talk about this issue to and he'd know he'd get a decent conversation without pure panic. He leaned over to grab his phone and when he did he saw his lock screen, just the cutest little thing ever to live. Pam had the dorkiest smile on and he got to see this beautiful creature every single time he unlocked his phone. He shook his head with a weak smile plastered on his lips and began to find her contact number. Hitting the FaceTime button, Fergal sat back and waited for Pam to pick up the phone. It had been a few hours since he heard from her, which was normal. When it came to being a public figure, it was common to be snagged from personal life quite frequently at almost all times. He waited and waited and waited and AHA! There it was. He saw connecting on the little screen as he was overly excited to see Pam's cute little face, it felt like he hadn't seen his own girlfriend in..Years.