Turn It Up

We're Still Here

One of the darkest things to ever see is someone you love suffer, the feeling of seeing that level of pain in someone else's eyes, especially when that person means the world to you, is the worst possible feeling you can ever feel in your whole life. An overwhelming feeling of dread, despair, doubt, pain, fear..It was all that consumed you whenever you can see the one you love most in this amount of immense pain. You begin to take blame for whatever is really going on with them, the issue that thrusted them into this dark place might not even have to do with you. It might be a result of something you did, or perhaps you might have even caused it. Regardless of why they are in this situation emotionally, you will take blame for it. And no, it will not stop hurting. You feel that no level of saying 'I'm sorry' will repair their broken heart, no amount of you attempting to make it up to them will fix this problem that's going on. The feeling doesn't subside for quite a long time, primarily due to the fact that you honestly are willing to go to the end of the world to make this person feel amazing about themselves, but now? You don't even know if they want you in their life anymore. You don't know if they still love you anymore. All of this doubt was nestling itself in Fergal's heart, all the while he held onto Pam's weak, damn near falling over body. She leaned heavily on him for without him being there, she would probably be on the floor in a sobbing, sloppy mess. Fergal softly rubbed her back and lead her to the bench, sitting down and pulling her into his lap. Perhaps he could hit two birds with one stone with this. His arms wrapped around her body and he held her as close as he physically could. Fergal leaned up and kissed her neck gently, "Stop crying, please..I'm right here..No matter what." Pam slowed up her crying, but tears continued to stream down and down. It really sucked to be in the kind of pain, especially it was due to something that was not Pam's fault originally. She in no way wanted that guy to feel her up like that, it still made her disgusted to even think about and the fact that she was basically taken advantage of made her sick to her stomach. Pam whimpered, "Why didn't you stop him.." Fergal in his mind, he had his reason. He was unsure if it would have made sense to her or not, but he had to try and make sense of his feelings. "If I had gone over there, it would have been so bad. I would probably have charges pressed against me, and the guy would have permanent damage to every inch of him. It would have taken the entire party to pull me off of him. I couldn't put us, and the WWE in that kind of risk. I shut down, cause if I felt anything, it would be anger, hatred even..I couldn't just go over there and tell him to go away. I would have told him with my fists, and feet even.." Pam nodded as he spoke, it was hard for her to sit there and agree wholeheartedly with what he was saying. But Pam being Pam, understood where he was coming from.

Seeing another person do that to your girlfriend must put you in a different type of rage, seeing red is almost out of the picture now. He would have seen nothing put pure black. The sweet embrace of fury would have overwhelmed his senses and no power in this world could have stopped him. She nodded again as he finished his explanation, "I understand babe..I just..I would have been the same way..I couldn't imagine how mad you were..I know I wouldn't have had that kind of self control..You resisted coming over to help out of like, future knowledge about how much..damage you would have inflicted on the guy. I totally understand babe.." Fergal hoped she wasn't just saying that to shut him up, but he would never know. That is honest to god how he felt and that really would have been the ugliest of ugly situations for everyone involved in it..

Fergal still felt like absolute shit about this. He wasn't too sure why on earth he felt this way, and had even less of an idea on how to fix it. But for now, he was hoping that Pam was truly okay with everything, or at least trying to be okay with everything. "I think I'm getting there..I mean, I wouldn't have done anything differently than you babe. I see how bad you feel..You really wear it on your face.." Pam whispered to Fergal as her hand was placed ever so gently on his cheek and she stroked it. "I also want you to know I just..I love you. So much." Fergal half smiled and lowered his head. Pam being Pam, yet again, she lifted his head up again and looked into his eyes. "Love me, baby boy.." Fergal ran his hand up and down her thigh and huffed, "I do love you, a lot." He leaned up and kissed her neck again, Pam welcomed this change and leaned her head back. Fergal was dying to just prove to her how much he loved her and how important she really was/is to him. He was beginning to dread work due to how he knew where Pam's story was going. To be honest she knew too, but she could do nothing about it. Pam was going to be used to catapult other Stars into Superstardom. And Fergal despised that, so did Pam to be honest. It also sucked how it seemed like every single time they were at work, depression hit and someone wound up crying. Whether it was him, her, a friend, anyone. Someone was always a blubbering, crying mess and both Fergal and Pam were getting tired of it. They just wanted some normality to finally be in their lives. "Wanna stick around and watch the rest of the show?" Normally, Pam would say hell no let's get outta here, but tonight felt different. It felt like they needed to stick around. Sadly however, she was not sure about how Fergal would both feel about this, and how well it really would go. "Let's stay. We haven't stayed for a full show in forever. Holy moly. We really haven't stuck around for the entire thing in like, months!" Pam giggled and repositioned herself in Fergal's lap so that her legs were on either side of him and she was facing him. "Well this is a new one.." Fergal's hands rode up and down her back, peaking in Pam's eyes once he felt her butt up a bit.

Fergal was a man of his word, he promised he would try to be more sexual with her and holy shit was he ever being more sexual with her. Pam loved to feel his hands, she loved it more when he was placing them on spots where it made her wanna climb up the walls with anticipation. "Hhheeeeyyy. You found mah booty!" Fergal gave her butt a gentle swat and Pam squealed, "Yes I did sweetheart." He continued to gently rub her butt as she began to feel herself be overwhelmed with a sensation that evaded her for a long long LONG time. Her cheeks flushed a pale shade of crimson, her stomach clenched and she let out a quiet..moan. Fergal knew he had gotten the right deck of cards dealt to him. He squeezed again before lightening up to embrace her in..three quarters of a hug. Pam knew that they couldn't have sex in the locker room, it was entirely off the page of possible things. But at the end of the day? There was never a problem with teasing, I mean come on now. She literally is sitting in his lap, if that isn't accidental teasing for him I don't know what could be considered for the spot. "I love this. Totally don't wanna move though, hey didn't you promise me a buttrub if I won the bet?" Fergal nodded, their little bet that was going was if Pam got squashed on RAW, which she practically knew and so did he. That Fergal had to give Pam an..extensive butt massage. With no shirt on. And a lot of lotion. "I do owe you one sloppy, long butt massage babe. But do you really wanna be half naked at work?" Pam giggled and shook her head, "Heck no I don't! But still..I demand my butt rub soon!"

Fergal nodded and tightened his hands on her, in his words, 'meaty, perfect butt.' Pam knew that Fergal loved her in every way possible, sexually was also one of them he just sucked ass at showing it sometimes. Fear was a big part to why Fergal never embraced this sexual side of himself, he never wanted to crowd her with how he felt sexually. Which made sense, a good relationship lasts not on sex, or anything physical. A good relationship lasts on connection, feelings, understanding. And of course included in that was the feeling of sex. But it was about one twelfth of what it really was all about. The problem? Fergal never embraced this side ever which was the sole reason Pam thought she was ugly, or her boobs weren't enough, or her butt wasn't nice enough. It was common in relationships for insecurities between partners to occur, this one however strictly exists due to lack of real physical engagement. Fergal was trying to right that wrong, of course. This was no problem to him. I mean shit, all he had to do was show her how much she meant to him and shower her with things that she has been, apparently, dying for. "If that's the case, then you owe me a thigh massage. You promised that seven months ago." Pam laughed loudly now, she entirely forgot about that to be honest. But now that she remembered, she got a little..flustered thinking about it. "I will literally give you that massage tonight if you want. Don't think I'm a big scaredy cat! I'm a big girl!" Fergal saw the opening and took it, pulling her down and leaning up slightly, "Nah..You're just my little girl." Pam squealed quietly and embraced him and additional hug. Fergal's hands finally were removed from her butt and on her back where held her close and tight. The hug lasted for quite a while and he loved that, Pam was dying for affection like this for months and months. It seriously felt at times that she was just a friend who said I love you to him. Honestly one of the worst feelings is that right there, not feeling valued by a partner simply can cut so deep..But now? Healing was happening, it was a slow process, but the holes that Pam once possessed that pierced her heart, were finally being filled with love, and affection. Fergal was feeling incredible right now, his apparently not so smart way of handling how the guy was acting was being forgiven.

Fergal felt like the luckiest man in the entire world. Pam was the most amazing person he has ever known, and each passing moment that he did something right? Fergal was finally getting the sense that he deserved her. "Wanna know why I used to never do this stuff.." Pam pulled back and furrowed her eyebrows a bit, "Yea of course baby. I thought it was because you were scared to do anything. Which, is totally fine I understand you babe." Fergal shook his head, "Not entirely.." Pam was curious now, "Please tell me sweetheart. I'm here for you okay?" she placed her hands on his chest, "To fix that tiny, kinda broken thing that's in there. I'm here to fix everything." Fergal smiled and felt his heart beat faster and faster.."I never felt..I never felt like I deserved you..Like someone out there was better than me, or someone out there deserved to be the one who touched you, made you feel all these incredible things I can never do..I never viewed myself as a deserving person.." That made all the difference, at least for this problem making sense to Pam. "Baby boy..you and only you deserve me, I'm quite a handful, I can be a pain right in the butt sometimes. But you deserve me more than anyone else. I would rather be with you than literally anyone else on this earth..I love you, please don't think that anymore, okay? Mistakes happen, I make them constantly. But we're STILL here..after everything, all the struggle and pain, injuries and separation.." Fergal nodded, "We are still here baby girl.."