Turn It Up

Believe

The quiet moments usually lead to dark, unnecessary thoughts. This was the case for Fergal after his appointment. The doctor had told him that his shoulder injury was just as bad as they originally thought it was. He was expecting something a little more positive than that. I mean, his surgery went quite well..and he hadn't pushed himself unnecessarily or anything since then..But, to be told that he actually is behind on the schedule that was put in front of him? That was all too deflating to hear. Pam, was clueless, he didn't tell her how it went, nor did she go in with him. Fergal told her to just wait in the lobby just in case something like this decided to happen. She kept prying, and prying, and prying. But Fergal's heart was too broken to lose patience with her. He was too far gone to even realize that she might have been trying to pull him out of his hole, she actually might have been able to save him from himself. But the world may never know, Fergal's heart was in a battle with his mind and both sides were losing, he didn't really care about a lot right now. The car ride home was damn near silent on his end, his apartment felt like it was a plane ride away, with how long the ride was taking. Pam inside of her mind knew that something was wrong, she knew that there was a greater issue on hand as opposed to just whatever he was trying to tell her. Which; ironically was nothing. He hadn't told her a damn thing about what happened inside that little office. Just silence. Silence scared Pam, it was what made her frightened for Mercedes, Lexi, her family, Fergal..Everyone. Silence meant that the mind was not permitting the body to speak, that there was something inside that was waging a war and it was causing, well, this to happen. How could Fergal have let this happen. He felt fully responsible for what had happened to his shoulder that night in Brooklyn. He could have done something..differently to brace himself for the throw. He shook his head outright at his own thoughts. Tears were something that would be looked at as a distant memory for him. The pain was too great on his heart to produce tears, that was obvious. He didn't care about almost anything at all, it was Tuesday, so Smackdown was going to be on which means he gets a good chance to see what some of his friends are up to. But honestly? Fergal didn't give a rats ass about watching WWE Programming. He actually was about a hundred percent not going to watch it at all.

After they arrived at his apartment, Pam broke the silence yet again, "Do..you want me to come inside with you? If not, I'll just, go or something.." She was internally trying not to cry, and she was hoping that he would invite her inside. But she knew how this kind of thing could, and probably would go. Fergal shrugged with his healthy arm, "I don't care." He got out of the car and waited to see what she would do.. Pam battled tears as she felt space was what Fergal needed. This was the hardest thing she has ever had to do. Here she was, finally having a day off and all she wanted to do was to see him..But he didn't want to see anybody. Who knows how long it would be before she has enough time to go back to Florida to see him. "Alright babe..I'll go." Pam started the car again and Fergal almost expected her to leave. His heart didn't want her to go, but his mind did. He walked over to the driver's side of the car and leaned in, kissing her cheek very quickly. "Well. Drive safe. I love you." She nodded up at him, pain was setting into her guts at this moment. "I will. I love you too Fergal. You be safe, okay? Please call me baby if you need me..I'm not the enemy here." Fergal nodded, "Why.. don't you just..stay. I guess that's okay if you want to."

Pam nodded, turning the car off. She couldn't even lie to herself; she was not relieved that he decided to ask her to come inside. She knew that he needed space and distance was not going to be achieved with her stuck up his ass. Maybe he just, wanted her. Who knows at this point. Pam got out of the car and Fergal wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked up the little path. Pam couldn't try to lie to herself, whenever he touched her she STILL got butterflies. Especially due to the fact that it has been closing in on seven months since they began to date, and sex has been avoided like the Black Plague. Perhaps tension was just building between them..Let's face facts; Pam was ridiculously attracted to the sad Irishman, he had everything she could ever desire in a person. Personality, a nice face, amazing body..And, to put it in funny terms; she knew that he was 'packing'. And on Fergal's end, he was also incredibly attracted to Pam, requiring little to no effort for her to make him feel some type of way. Both of them needed each other in this way, now more than ever. But both were too frightened to even make a single first move. There was always a little release here or there, Fergal would massage Pam's butt/breasts, with clothes on..of course, Pam would rub his abs. Little things, harmless things. But anything passed that? Hell no, they both were too scared of it. As she went to open his door up, Fergal did a playful thing, his hand slid down and he grasped at her butt. Pam blushed and enjoyed the sensation of him touching her, but she didn't pursuit it, not wanting to push the envelope. "Let me get you comfortable, baby.." Pam aided him inside as his hand went back to her hip. Fergal didn't even feel rejected by her, he knew that she was a scared little girl when it came to sexual things. But that was okay, he was a scared little boy too. Both of them went inside and Pam helped him to the sofa, Fergal sat down slowly and Pam followed suit, right next to him. He patted her leg, and that was their little signal for her to toss her thigh over top of him. He rested his hand on her upper thigh and just, looked over at her. "What.." Pam whispered, she knew he was in emotional hell right now, the torment was real, and he was REALLY suffering. "What is it.." She raised a hand up to caress his stubbly face, she bit down on the inside of her cheek as she slowly became lost in his eyes.