Turn It Up

The Wedding Of Fire And Ice

This was surely going to be a day to remember.. Hopefully for all the right reasons of course, Fergal was preparing himself for a day of tears due to being happy and proud, but also preparing himself mentally to see Pam. He had exactly no intention of speaking to her, he was going to the wedding of Ashley and Rebecca simply to support two of his closer friends. The thing about Fergal that was good, but also kind of shitty is that he allowed himself to trust in others so much that if/when they betrayed that trust.. He was incredibly hurt by this. It was always the same process. He always was so willing to give people the benefit of trust, give them that faith.. And he never seemed to learn that people lie. People trick you, people use you for their own benefit.. And quite frankly? People don't fucking care. Fergal put his suit coat on and fixed it in the mirror, pulling it forward. The bow tie he wore was one of his favorites, since this wedding had a theme, Fergal's tie was orange, with crazy looking designs in it. It wasn't supposed to be solid orange, Rebecca made a reference to the movie Dumb and Dumber where the two men in the movie had a bright orange suit, and a pale blue/white suit, respectively. But today was about them, it was about finally getting the recognition and addressing all of the issues that people had with their relationship. This wedding was set to be as beautiful as it was defiant. Pam on the other hand wore a cute little dress that went according to Rebecca's plan that she had. The other bridesmaids wore something similar to Pam, but hers had to stand out. It had to pop out of the group. Pam's long dark hair didn't get put into her ponytail at all, she actually didn't mind having it out. But was she even feeling joy for this day? Was there even a shred of happiness inside of her body right now? No.. Not even a little bit. She right now was under the assumption that she ruined the best thing in her life. Again. This LITERALLY just happened not too long ago and they got passed it. Fergal had given her far too many chances up until now. How many more would she be afforded? How many more times will Fergal bend over for Pam and just ignore the fact that she continues to crush him emotionally. Pam looked at herself in the mirror, and did not like what she saw anymore. Her 'flaws' were shining out right now and that's all she could see. It was almost as if everything she didn't like about herself physically was glowing on her body and she could see nothing else. She saw her face, and cringed.. She hated the shape of her face, her eyes were too small.. Lips were almost not there at all.. Her chin was too big.. She glanced at her body and rubbed her tummy, she always thought she could have a flatter belly. Her boobs she thought for a time were fine, now she looks at them as if they're too big. She turned slightly.. Looking at her butt that in reality has only gotten better due to her working out.. But in this state of mind? Pam sees it as not big enough, not firm enough, not defined enough.. This was an extremely unhealthy mindset..

    Someone knocked on the door, for the Maid of Honor got her own special treatment. "Hey, Pam? Are you naked in there??" The little voice was none other that Alexis who was making rounds to grab all the girls and bring them out. It was almost time for the wedding and Pam had been ready for a long while now, she just didn't wanna face the outside world just yet. "Yeah, I'm not naked.." Alexis heard that voice.. She slowly opened the door and walked inside the room. "Hey. Are you feeling okay? Wow! You look absolutely stunning Pammie girl. My goodness gracious. Steal my heart why don't ya?!" Alexis smiled and closed the door.

    But Pam was having none of this joy. Her body felt like it was functioning at negative speed right now. It always felt like her heart was beating too slow, her lungs weren't taking in enough air.. Her brain was a few seconds too late on a response, or a thought, or even something that she wanted to do. Think of it like Sims, where you give your Sim an action, and then cancel it and they are left standing there, not doing anything. "Is there anything I can do?" Alexis asked Pam in a quiet voice as she approached the judgemental woman who was still criticizing herself in the mirror. "Can you make me look better? Can you fix everything that I have on me? Cause at this point Lex, there is NOTHING redeemable about me.." Pam shook her head as she continued to put her hands on everything she hated about herself, kind of seeing what it would look like if she had her way with things. "Whoa, what did you just say? FIX your issues? What issues? You are drop dead gorgeous, and the cutest woman walking this planet. What do you need fixed!?" Alexis was a little insulted by this.. She was curious however how it would go now. "I don't like my face. I hate my boobs, my tummy is too much, my butt needs to be bigger.. I hate my stupid freakin' lisp.." Pam was rattling off things to the WRONG girl. Alexis had a well documented eating disorder due to the exact same thoughts that Pam was having right now. Too fat, too skinny, not sexy enough.. These thoughts are toxic to any mind. Another message for those out there; you are perfect. If you are satisfied with how you look, whether you're heavier, skinnier, taller, shorter, whatever. You are perfect. Only change your body if you want to SEE a change. If you want to be more muscular, then make that change, if you just want to be healthy but not go full workout mode? Do it. Just don't do things like stop eating to see a change, that is so dangerous and you should never do it. "Pam. I could get mad at you right now. I really could and honestly it's a little tempting. You realize that you're perfect. I am honestly jealous of you sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every time I see you without a shirt on. Your body is flawless. You have one of the flattest tummies I've ever seen, and I used to bodybuild.. As for your boobs? Honestly girl if you don't like them, get surgery on them. Perk'em up, or make'em smaller. They're your boobs, don't just sit there and mope over them. I personally think they FIT you. And honestly that's what matters here. You have butt goals, so shut your face." Alexis walked over to Pam and wrapped her arms around the insecure hugger tightly.. Pam felt love for the first time in what felt like years. Pam slowly turned around and wrapped her arms around Alexis. "Thank.. Thank you for not lashing out at me.. I really, REALLY needed that.. I hate myself inside and out right now, even breathing feels wrong without him.." Alexis knew what she was talking about and knew what to say that would hopefully open Pam's blinded eyes to this situation as a whole.. She needed to hear this.