Turn It Up

The Price To Be Paid

It had been a few days since Pam's intervention.. And she sat in the locker room before a show, staring at the card that April had given her. She didn't want to accept the fact that there might just be something wrong inside of her head, that really was something that not a single soul wanted to admit. Admitting that there is something wrong with you is the most terrifying thing to do. Especially when you don't feel as if you have the support system to be strong. Pam was lucky enough to have that support system, in the form of Fergal and April, but still.. She had this sinking feeling in the pit of her belly that they would judge her, and that they really didn't care, or perhaps worse they would just abandon her altogether. Pam struggled to handle everything to do with this right now, the past two weeks haven't been all that kind to her, the engagement and Wrestlemania were the two things that kept her mind in a sort of sane state. Pam now was feeling flat, she was sure that this was only going to wind up in something happening to her, whether it be she gets worse, or perhaps she develops a new problem.. This was hopefully not something that would just be a gateway problem, meaning that as soon as the door opened up, an influx of new and more devastating problems would come pouring in. Pam got up and walked out of the locker room, she ran into an old friend, Rami. "Hey buddy, how goes things in the life of a hugger?" Rami was always such a beacon of happiness for everyone around him, he radiated that energy that everybody strived to achieve even a few times a day. And here he was always doing it, "Hey! I missed you recently Rami, I'm sorry I've been like a freakin' ghost." Pam embraced the man in a swift welcoming hug. "No need to apologize, I know how things have gotten, and I also obviously heard about what happened to.." Pam shook her head and wiggled her hand, signifying that she in no way shape or form wanted to talk about it. "No need, it's okay. They'll all be okay. And I know, it's been like what? A week and a half? I think Shinsuke and Rebecca are gonna be back on the road soon!" Pam tried to avoid the elephant in the room with this little event. Rami was oblivious to this of course, just by extremely bad luck he didn't realize what he was about to say. "Lex hasn't woken up yet, has she?" His voice was quiet and somber, almost ominous.. Pam took in a deep breath and had a vision in her mind, a vision of Alexis never waking up, a vision that this was her tragic end. This is where she died. Pam shook her head with her eyes closed and felt a hand walk push up against her lower back, she didn't bother closing her eyes as she assumed it was one of her girls. "Fergal, hey buddy. We were just talking about what happened to-" Rami tried to get his sentence out but Fergal was misdirecting the attention Rami was trying to put on the accident. "I heard mate, Pam is.. Not handling this well." Pam spun and wrapped her arms around his neck swiftly, Rami felt horrible for even bringing it up. "Oh, Pam I'm sorry.."

Rami hung his head dejectedly now, "Hey, don't be all sad buddy. It's okay. You didn't know. Okay? But I keep telling her everything will be okay and go back to normal soon enough." Rami nodded, "That's what we can hope for, she has my thoughts and prayers. But I gotta go, I gotta find Paul. See you guys later." Rami removed himself quickly from the equation and Pam kept her face buried deep into Fergal's chest. "I'm sorry about that, Pam. You see why I want you to really think about this psychiatrist thing? I think it would help if you could lay down on a little couch and just have someone pick your brain and figure out what is going on behind doors you don't wanna recognize exist.." Fergal was right, as always.. This was getting out of control.

Pam whispered, "I'm just scared they're going to find something really wrong with me, and that I'm gonna be put in a freakin' straight jacket. I can't leave you Fergal baby I can't, I can't.." Her anxiety was so bad right now, the fear of being just like Alexis was so heavy on her mind, it made her fear any kind of plane ride, car rides were even something that shook her to her very foundations. For some reason, Pam's panicked mind just wandered all over the place even to places that it shouldn't go. Supposing that the fear of the unknown is what was driving her crazy. She had no idea if Alexis would actually be okay, the thought of losing her is something that would devastate everyone she knows, obviously. Matt would be destroyed, losing his basically wife would be something that nobody could ever truly understand, unless they have tragically lost their own spouse. Fergal would lose one of his best friends in the whole world, and honestly Pam would feel personally responsible for this. And as for herself..? One of her best friends, as well as someone she knows means a lot to her love, two and two equal, holy shit she's going to die. Pam shivered at the thought of all of this, Fergal rubbed her back, kissed the top of her head and tried to figure out how on earth he could bring her back down to reality. "First of all baby girl, let me preface this.. NOBODY will put you in a psych ward. Not a single soul will look at you differently if you tell things to a professional like that.. Honestly, I would consider going myself if I felt like it would personally help me. For you? I think it could help, because you have a hard time talking to even me, so a person who is smarter than me could hopefully help you out. Second of all, you aren't leaving me no matter what. You will not get into an accident, you will not be dying on me anytime soon. Okay? Neither is Lex. She WILL wake up and she WILL be a hundred percent again Pam, I promise you that. I promised you as soon as we gathered ourselves over this. Now? I want you to look at me. Please look at me." Pam lifted her head as he spoke, Fergal smiled weakly down at her and held the frail, weak woman in his arms. "I LOVE you. I have since the moment I saw Pamela Rose walk into the performance center, even BEFORE that I thought you were the most beautiful and stunning woman I have ever seen in my life. Since I snagged you off the market per say, I have never felt more loved in my entire life. You have shown me things, and done things with me that I would never be able to even ENTERTAIN the notion of doing with someone else. By the way, you actually make me sore, in the best possible way. But honestly babe? Panic and being scared of things... Are just normal. I think like that too, you think seeing Lex all strewn up and hooked up to machines keeping her here didn't scare me? You don't think I didn't have thoughts like that about myself? Or you?? Of COURSE I did.."

Fergal opening up like this and showing Pam that he too in fact had thoughts like that was something she needed right now, she nodded at his words, just letting him go off the hinges and hopefully get some gunk out of his own system. Pam rubbed his sides a bit, fantasizing about her man in NOT THAT WAY. Just peaceful things, like laying in the grass on a sunny day, enjoying the feeling of wind flowing through her hair. Pam was feeling just a little bit better about this, but she knew the ominous psychiatrist was looming on the horizon and she HATED the thought of having to depend on a stranger who only really cares because they get paid to care. Pam bit down on her bottom lip gently as Fergal continued to talk about them, and about how life brought them together for a reason. "Now I don't believe in much, but I believe in fate.. Karma.. And above all else, Pam? I believe in you. One hundred percent." Fergal's kind words made her heart scream loudly.

"I can't do this whole life thing without you, honestly? I don't want to anymore. I want you here every single day and night. Got it, squirt?" Fergal kissed her forehead gently and smiled. Inside of his head he was feeling pretty shitty. He felt like he had these kinds of conversations with her every single day, and it felt like they didn't mean shit to her. Each time they have a new problem arise, Fergal knew that Pam was a weak, and fragile woman when it came to her emotions. But that is why he always tried his best to keep her pieces together. Sadly at this stage in the game they didn't have much success with things. Fergal was always reeling backwards, trying to recover before everything collapses underneath him. Fergal was actually petrified about what was going on inside of her head, the thought of her not accepting this was something that he just wanted to erase, things would always work out the way that they were supposed to.. That's why they were together, life said, 'Hey. You two. You get to share some happiness together.' And Fergal always felt indebted to a higher power that he couldn't even see. But right now? He knew that this was being understood by Pam, would it be held onto like he wanted? Hm. Probably not. That's just how her mind works, her pink haired friend and that whole problem was one of the first instances of this falling apart. Even dating back as far as when Pam, Lexi, Matt, and Fergal were at the hotel with the hot tub and the creepy guy kept trying to make advances on Lexi. Just her being there in that hot tub scared her if you add Fergal into the equation. "I know what you mean darling, and this is why I love you. Honestly I hate the fact that my head forces me to dive deep into the crap that is my subconscious.. I want help, I need.. Help.. I love you and if I ever drove you away? I'd probably freaking die. Literally, my heart would jump out of my chest and follow you until you take me back, or step on it. Permanently killing my stupid face." Fergal grabbed Pam by the cheeks... On her FACE! Perv.. And his thumbs softly caressed her soft face, "I would never leave you. I told you forever and always, and I mean just that. There is practically nothing that you can do to drive me away sweetheart, you basically know what you'd have to do in order to get me out of your life." Pam nodded slowly, "Yes.. If I were to stupidly cheat on you then you'd leave. I understand, because I would do the same. It only makes sense." Fergal nodded and kissed her cheek gently. "I wanna spoil you tonight, let's go to the stupidest and fanciest restaurant that we can find. I wanna see you in a dress too, I feel like it's been months and I'm feelin' some type of way." Fergal winked playfully and make Pam's cheeks flush red. "Do you always know exactly what to say to make my heart flutter?" Fergal shrugged lightly, "It's a gift, really."

His peppy attitude and suggestion made her really really happy. Pam nodded furiously, "I would love to get all fancy and go out to eat with you. Was the last time I was in a dress for you was.. Holy moly, was it that night you confessed love for me? That was over a year ago!" Fergal shrugged again, "I dunno baby. I really wanna see your little self in a dress though, I wanna be that couple that is just sought after, y'know?" Pam nodded and giggled, "PPSH! We already are, baby boy. We already are.." Fergal nodded and smiled, continuing to stroke her soft face with gentle circular motions. "Let's get out of this place, get something super nice on, and yes.. I'll even be okay with you taking thirty six and a half minutes to get your makeup on. It'll all be worth it. Oh! Let's also put some stuff on social media. I feel like breaking the internet tonight.." Pam actually LAUGHED!! "I would love to break the internet with you sweetheart." Pam leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, this is what life should feel like.. Warm, inviting.. And full of love.