Yes Daddy // h.s

1/ T H I R T Y - T H R E E

I wanted to talk to him. I had made up my mind. I wanted to trust him again. I wanted to make things better even though he had crushed me for the tenth time under his feet. I wanted to show him that I still love him even though he ruined me. I wanted to think that maybe for the slightest bit James and Zayn lied to me.

But I couldn't because he had stopped talking to me now too. For a whole week he avoided me and stopped trying and reaching out for me.

He had gave up and I knew that because I saw him late at night with a cigarette between his lips and a drink in his hands and when I went to check up on him like I did every night I could smell women's perfume and I could see the sweat on his body or how his shirt was buttoned in the wrong way.

He had gave up on me. On us. And maybe I had too. Because all we did was sleep under the same roof. I slept on the couch in front of the TV and he slept on his comfy bed after a long night of having sex with whomever he wanted.

I got heartbroken again but I shouldn't have because it was me who drove him away. It was me who pushed him away. It was me who broke his heart. It was me who ruined him too.

A whole week. We were together for 6 months and the last one was us in complete silence. We had nothing to say.

I started having horrible nightmares. All of them starting in me having a perfect family and a great life and then they would end in me witnessing the horrifying event of my mom getting hit by a car, flying ten feet from the ground as the voices of her bones crashing echoed in my head over and over again. And after that I could see her, lying lifeless on the ground with her brown hair covering her face.

'It's all your fault'
'It's all because of you'
'You are useless, worthless'

Those voices haunted me in my dreams or even when I was awake. At the end of each dream people would gather around me, people whom I've known including my parents, friends and even Harry.

He would be there in the back and he would stare at me. And when I was about to go talk to him he would lock eyes with someone else with a smile on his face and leave without saying a word. Without even noticing me. And that hurt me more even though I didn't want to admit it.

I remember one night I was experiencing the same nightmare for the tenth time and I woke up screaming his name with tear stained eyes and the lack of oxygen in my lungs as I struggled to breathe. And I remember him, clear as the day, as he stood next to the couch and looked at me. But when I jolted awake like that with his name on my lips, he left. He left me alone to recover from my nightmare alone. I wanted him to stay. I so badly wanted him to stay but he didn't.

I wondered how long it had been since he stood there, watching me. But I never found out.

Now, We were just strangers with memories.

With the thought of the nightmares, my mother and Harry I continued my path to the cafe.

I was happy to see Luke. Everyday he would make me smile and laugh about stupid little things and I felt myself in need for a friend.

I could talk to him and I could trust him. It felt so good to talk to someone and we had grown so close to each other in just a week.

"Hey Luke!" I greeted him as he embraced me in a warm hug.

"Hey blondie. How are you?" I couldn't help but giggle at his words. We soon drifted into conversation and also helped each other around with customers and orders.