I Could Die For You (Editing In Progress)

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Lilly and I arrived back from detox around the end of June, having spent a good week or two there. I think out of the whole trip, we spent maybe a total of a half an hour away from each other. Usually, I would need more space, but with Lilly I wanted every second with her. I got the feeling she felt the same.

I didn't feel the urge to do drugs anymore, and I knew the detox, especially Lilly, had made my addiction go away. Hopefully forever, or maybe just for now. I talked about this with Lilly and she beamed with a smile and agreed that she saw that too. I asked her how she felt about her alcohol abuse and her face darkened which worried me.

"I-I don't know Anthony. I mean... I don't think I'm that addicted. And if it was that bad, why would it be so available and legal?"

I felt a pang of sadness in my heart. My flower was on the path to a serious problem, already denying that she had one. It was heartbreaking to watch her struggle with that demon, but I knew the best thing to do was be there for her.

In fact, I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I had never felt so attached to a woman before, not even my mother- and she was one of the most important people in my life. Lilly had given me feelings I didn't think were possible, and it scared me. I didn't know what this felt like, let alone what it was.

I remember as a kid when my mom would tell me what it was like to be in love, because I always had questions about her and my dad, and she herself couldn't even really tell me. All I know is that if this is love, and it's because of my Lilly, then by God, I'm going to marry her. As soon as I can, as soon as the moment feels real, I'm going to ask her to be my wife.

In all of my life, in all of my adulthood, I have never felt more inclined for a woman to carry my children, or carry my heart on her finger. Every time I looked at Lilly, it was a reminder that life was beautiful and that no matter how many terrible people there are in the world, women will always be beautiful. Lilly holds so much light in her body and I know she doesn't see it, but it blinds me in the most extraordinary way.

When we make love, it's like she's reading my mind. She doesn't try to be loose, but she carries herself with a certain class and respect... Dominating me and my body, soul, mind, etc. I didn't think it was possible for a man or a woman to know how to tame someone like that. I hoped I made her feel the same.

As I thought about her more and more, and watched her do simple things, like clean, the feeling in my stomach grew even more intense. It was getting so bad, that it was hard to breathe. I couldn't be around Lilly for the last days of June because I was shy and anxious just because of the feeling in my stomach, just because of her. She sensed this and repeatedly asked me what was wrong, but I was too scared to answer.

I need some kind of relief, and I knew admitting to Lilly now that I had a possible idea of marrying her would ruin any chance of a surprise proposal. Instead I went out to lunch with Flea and Chad. When we sat down, being they're both my soul mates, they immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Anthony, you doin' alright?" Chad asked.

I shook my head, and started sobbing at the table. Flea was immediately next to me, rubbing my back and trying to get me to lift up my head. He finally did and my face was soaked with tears.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Did something happened with you and Lilly?" He asked.

Chad leaned in to hear my answer, but I only nodded my head.

"What happened?!" Chad managed.

I wiped my eyes, although they just flooded with more tears.

"I love her!!" I practically screamed, causing everyone to look at me odd.

Flea and Chad started laughing hysterically, but then quieted down when she saw how upset I had become.

"Why is that such a problem?" Flea asked gently and sympathetically grabbing my arm.

"Because... Because what if I lose her again? What if I do something stupid and she leaves? She's brave..she knows when something isn't good enough for her, you know. She has that kind of heart. What if I'm not good enough for her?! I don't deserve her.... after everything I did..." I broke down in loud sobs again.

Chad smiled and let out a sigh. "Listen, Anthony, Flea and I both see how devoted Lilly is to you. She would stop at nothing to see you happy, or even smile, laugh, etc. When you're upset she crumbles to the floor, when your spirits are dark, hers are. Sure, you've both messed up, gotten into fights, but who doesn't? It's impossible to have a perfect relationship. But you and I both know you and Lilly are in an inseparable relationship... nothing will ever happen that can break you two up forever."

I lifted my head up and took a deep breath, letting Chad's words set in. My heart beat settled, and I felt slightly more relaxed.

"I want to marry her."

Flea chuckled, "Then what are you waiting for?"

"Do I have your blessings?"

Chad and Flea both laughed, "Hell yeah!"

But Flea put on a more serious face.

"Does your ma even know you're fucking dating her?"

I couldn't help but smile. "I've mentioned her a couple times, but at the time it wasn't that serious."

"Maybe you should call her up later and get her blessing then." Flea said, still smiling from the news of my proposal.