B.R.E.A.T.H.E

~Chapter 10~

-Noelle-

It's been a few weeks since Brian popped back into town with Noah. As confusing as it was for me I agreed to help him with him, because I could see that he wasn't dealing with his sister's death well and I didn't want Noah to be neglected for it. He's the sweetest little boy, him and Amarah get along so well too. I haven't told her that he's her brother and truthfully I don't know if I will. For one I don't know for sure if he's Jamal's son, and two I don't want to confuse her, she'll start asking questions like where he came from and how he's her brother if Brian's her dad, all of the questions that would be hard enough explaining to an adult much less a 5 year old. I really can't deal with right now, like at all. I am meeting with my therapist for our bi-weekly therapy session so I can get some of this shit off my mind for real.

Mrs. Myles you can go in now, the receptionist said. I immediately sat up and looked around; I know they weren't calling me by that name because all of my information is under Watkins. I glanced up and saw a small frame woman with a scarf over her head and large sunglasses on. Thank you she said before going down the other hall towards the office. Okay don't freak Noelle, Myles is a common last name it could be anyone. Ms. Watkins she can see you now the receptionist said with a warm smile. Thanks Carla! No problem. Hi Dr. Rasmussen! Hi Noelle how are you this week? That's a loaded question I said sitting on the couch, while she gathered her note pad and came over to the seating area. So what's been going on? Where do I start? With the least troublesome problem she said smiling.

Well my mom thinks that I should talk to my birth mother. Okay and why is that problem? Because she's trying to come off as this good hearted wholesome person when she's flawed as hell. We're human we're all flawed. She's more flawed than usual, I mean who sells their child. You've mentioned that on more than one occasion in these sessions, what is it about that transgression that bothers you? What do you mean, you don't see the issue with it? What I mean Noelle is out of all the things from your past you don't stray from that one thing about her. She was my mother, what the hell kind of mother sells their child? Let's do this I want you to think back to that day, the day that your mother tried to sell you, what happened before that moment? I sat there thinking for a minute. If you need to lay back on the couch go ahead. I remember...

"Noelle! Noelle! Come on we need to get home before it's too late! Okay Andre! Bye Mrs. Jones. Bye baby you be sweet now! I will! Mama will be home in an hour and this house needs to be clean. Andre why we always gotta clean the house? Because that's what we're supposed to do, he said opening the door for me. I walked into the house and went to my room to get my toy basket so I could get the few toys that I had in the living room up. It was like an hour later and mama still wasn't home, so he let watch some TV while he was in his room. He came out of his room and sat next to me on the couch. Even at that young age that something wasn't right, he went into the room fine and would come out aggressive. He started touching me and I tried to fight him off but it didn't work he...he..."

Do you need a break Noelle, Dr. Rasmussen said interrupting me. No I am fine. Continue then!

He raped me and then he gave me a bath, by that time my mom was coming into the house. He didn't like being around her when he was high so he darted out the back of the house and left. She was high, I could tell, her eyes were glazed over and she just kept yelling at me to get in the bathtub. I was crying because I was literally in pain from where my brother had just assaulted me. Once I was clean she put my best dress on me and did my hair and told me don't worry Noelle he just wants to look at you, he's not going to touch you. She promised that he wouldn't touch me.

Noelle do you really believe in your heart of hearts that your mother was really trying to sell you or do you think this was her way of getting you out of that house? Dr. Rasmussen, we lived 30 minutes, and 15 miles from her sister that whole time, the whole freaking time she couldn't have taken me there she could of put me up for adoption or anything but no she let him rape and abuse me and then she tried to sell me to an undercover cop, I said wiping a tear from my eye.