(this rant was written at like 3am one night when I was crying my eyes out. I'm quite harsh on myself, it's the anger speaking.)
DUFF. Designated Ugly Fat Friend. It's a horrible term isn't it? A disgusting, derogatory phrase and yet one I use to describe myself daily.
I am the DUFF. I always have been. Right from when I was little, I was always the ugly friend. Boys wanted to be my friend but never wanted to 'date' me (whatever dating meant when we were five). And this has remained with me my whole life.
One of the reasons I'm glad no one from my real life really reads this stuff is that they can't make half-assed comments about how none of this is true. They know I'm the DUFF. I know I'm the DUFF. It was like a mutual agreement made at the start of all of my friendships that I would always be the inferior one. The one no one really wanted to love. The funny one. The butt of most jokes.
It hurts some days. I make a big deal about my finally coming to terms with my own insecurities, but I cannot tell you how much it hurts everyday to come into school and have people joke about the way you look. They do it lovingly I know, they don't think it hurts me, but it can make you feel more worthless than you are.
I see those stares when I say a guy/ girl is hot, people pity me because they think I don't have a chance with someone like that. They quietly guide me over to people of similar 'condition'. Am I really that repulsive? I know I'm not the prettiest swan in all the land but I didn't realise I was that bad.
