So if you've kept up with these rants for however long I've been writing them, you'll know that I've complained about being single a lot. Like a lot. But now, I have to inform you all that howto_, little old me, may have an actual chance of getting in a relationship and yet I feel absolutely nothing. I feel slightly dazed almost. It's because I told myself before getting involved with this mysterious figure, who I won't talk about too much because he doesn't know that this exists, I told myself not to get too attached too quickly because it was likely to fail. All of my previous attempts at flirting have failed. And even when we went on the first date I was careful not to allow myself to feel anything too intense because then the fallout from this relationship would be too hard.
But the down side of this philosophy is that now I can't work out how I feel about him. Are we meant to be in a relationship or a friendship? Am I just being too cynical and not giving him a chance based on previous experiences? This is all so new to me, and the idea that I might have a boyfriend soon is a bit crazy I have to say, because my whole teenage years I've been defined by my singleness and how lonely I was. Now I don't know what to do. I don't know where my identity stands - can I still make jokes about being alone forever? I don't know how to be in a relationship, I've got no experience. This is all very new and scary to me.
