A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

Going back to the roots...

Facing one's past takes courage not many are capable of. Knowing the pain that is hidden not only in the places one may come accross, but in the memories that may come flooding back...

Knowing all this, Sanem felt that the time had finally come to take those much needed steps down the memory lane that awaited her when she decided to let her steps carry her back to the neighborhood she grew up in. The sun lit her face in a warmth she's long forgotten. The bright colors of the homes she passed by offered a glimpse back to the past she knew would never return. But it was the feelings of the memories that came rushing back to her that put a smile on her face, a smile that formed in her soul and comforted her heart.

Though she fought hard to put her past and the pain of it behind, the memories that came to her now won the battle over her heart and lifted her spirit so high that the only emotions she began to feel were peace and a quiet, almost undetectable inkling of love sprouting back in her heart. Each step she took, each way she turned reminded her of Can. Funny as it may seem, though she spent all of her life in these wonderful streets, everywhere she turned she saw glimpses of Can. The window of her home she had climbed out of in hopes of being unseen by Can only to meet him face to face. Her family store where he made every effort for her to return back to work - twice now that she remembered. She saw the store's window and saw Can's arrogant wink while biting the apple - and the all too confident kiss he blew right into her heart. She saw the counter where she took his hands into hers in an effort to wipe the sause off, only to offer him more wipes, a smile, and a place back in her heart from which he never left.

When she passed by her home's front door, a lump in her throat matched the one in her heart. She saw with her photographic memory the first time Can dropped her off and made himself familiar with her family and neighbors. How too confident of himself he seemed at that moment. And how happy it made him feel to find out where she grew up in... Each time he came by made her feel more and more sure of her feelings for him. How it made her feel that Can showed Polen that he knew where she lived. All the more, she saw Polen's anger and suspicion over the fact that he had a close bond with Mevkibe - and that Mevkibe felt the same... She remembered how surprised she was to see Can in her kitchen when they were to meet Fabri. It was as if Can belonged there, he felt so at home. And the laughter she heard come out of him was a true and honest laugh, the laugh of a man with no false intentions. A laugh of a man who felt like a part of the family. She remembered him to feel that same way when he tasted Mevkibe's food. The Can that always stepped foot in her home was a man with no walls around his heart. A man who knew he was accepted and loved for who he was deep inside. She never forgot that. And deep down inside of her a tear of hope had surfaced, for she wished with all of her heart that a part of this Can she remembered still lived within Can. She hoped that Can's heart still remembered how much he was loved within the walls of her home, and within the walls of her heart...

She remembered Can's reaction to seeing her room. The fear in her eyes when Mevkibe allowed Can to see her room could could only be matched by the satisfaction in his eyes. He saw everything, and took it all in... The albatross poster, her favorite book by their favorite author, his post it note where he wrote Albatross. But she could see that nothing gave him more pleasure than seeing all of her creams with a single letter, and annotation on them of all the places they were together...

That trip of going back to her roots gave her so much peace and hope that her heart felt somehow lighter. Her smile felt more Sanem, and the spark in her eyes felt a little bit brighter. And what she realized, was that Can was a part of this neighborhood's life as much as she was...