A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

The deafening despair...

Sanem's morning begain in a bittersweet way. She lay in Can's arms. Her head rested on his chest and the first sound she heard while coming back to reality from a good night's sleep was the sound of his beating heart. If she never heard any other sound in the world this sound would make up for it all. Her heart yearned to hear the melody of his heart for over a year. A heart that loved her. A heart that lived for her...

She lifted her head and saw Can's face. A face of a man she loved beyond her own life. A face of a man who long ago changed her life forever, for he chose to forgo all others and pursued only her. He truly was the prince of her heart. He looked at none others and saw only her. It took her a long time to realize that she could trust in his love. She once told him that the only place she wanted to be in the big wide world was in his arms, laying her head on his chest. For that was where she felt safe. And that safe place, safest of all, would be enough for her. Always enough. She was a dreamer, a lone soul herself. And she never looked for the material side of life. She seeked light in the world. And she found that light in his eyes and his heart.

Funny, she thought, how inexplicably unbelieveable life was that they found each other, when neither one looked for love? How was it that two people from such different and opposite sides of the world met each other? And why did they meet in the timeframe of life when they did? Did the stars up above notice something unseen? This the princesses locked in the depths of the sea felt that their love could somehow overpower their loneliness and bring their loved one back to them? Or maybe the Ministry of Wishes of Fishes knew how signifficant and lonely Can's journey was that they granted his wish to find love in his life? Whatever it was, they were one now. One heart, one soul. And she thanked all of those virtues for bringing them back to each other again...

She saw the boat not far from where they lay. And in it she saw a promise of what their future would bring to them both. It was true that to find oneself one had to search beyond comfort zones. He already went past his comfort zone. He surrenderred his guarded heart to her. And that treasure she would guard with her own heart for all the days of her life. Now it was time for her to leave her own comfort zone. To finally set her foot right by Can's, and march into the future with him, and away from what she had known. Maybe that was the problem so long ago? As desperately as she wanted a future with him, she was afraid to let go of her life? She remembered their conversation after she declined his first proposal. He offered his heart to her, his future, and all that he was. He was unaware of the real reason why she declined his ring. She was afraid because she witheld her secret. If she had believed in his love and let go of her own fears she would havel told him then and there. She would have broke through her comfort zone and pour her heart out to him. She should have done that then, but she did not. She hid within that comfort zone. And he asked her to consider what she wanted in life. He told her then something that shook her in her own existence. Maybe they did not want the same thing in life? Maybe she did not match his love for her? Those words brought him so much pain, and she saw it. Looking at him now, hearing his heart beat so close to her, made all her choices so easy and clear. Comfort zones meant nothing if you had a hand that held yours and held it with strength of the most powerful love.

When Can woke up, he reaffirmed her in just how much he loved her. He felt her heart's sorrow about Nihat's rejection of their love. Nihat worried about the person she chose for her life. She wondered if Nihat saw how much Can yearned for his acceptance and his love, if he would have changed his mind about him? If Nihat saw how much his perception of Can meant to Can, would he have opened his heart back to him? And then she understood. What Nihat thought of Can was partially because she witheld information from him. It was time for her to forgo that comfort zone with her father too, and meet him face to face, with an open but firm heart. She loved Can above all else in the world. She did not want to leave with Can in the state of affairs she was when it came to her parents, but she also did not want to stay in that way either...

She thought of Hüma and Aziz Bey. Her heart yearned for the day Hüma would come to her with open arms. She yearned for the day Hüma and Can repaired their relationship and embraced each other in a way only a parent and child could. And this happened. If this miracle and her longtime wish for Hüma and Can came true, she realized all wishes could come true if she believed hard enough. Hüma did come to her, embraced her as Can's love. Sanem did not know if Hüma realized just how much that meant to her? If she ever would? And the fact that Aziz Bey loved her dearly brought her so much joy. He already called her his daughter-in-law. And this, to her, was something she would cherish forever.

The ride to Sanem's parents' house was an uneasy one. She worried what they would say. She worried if they would even want to see them and hear them out. And Can saw her saddness. It amazed her how much he loved her. How much he felt her own heart and how connected they were to each other. She did not have to speak, and he knew how she felt. His hand on her cheek was the sweetest form of endearment. It calmed her down. It brought her so much comfort. He took her hand, in the most familiar of gestures their hearts understood. Their worlds were one and at peace when they held their hands. Their hearts understood it, and their souls felt power and the light of that simplest of gestures...

And then, her world changed in the split second of time...

Deafening silence. Deafening disorientation. Then deafening despair. She stood where she fell. Bloodied, in pain, with glass on her skin and in her hair. She was in shock. Disoriented and confused. But the pain she felt was no pain at all compared to the moment when she saw Can. Could life really be so excrutiatingly cruel? She stood, where he lay without any sign of life? What of their love? What of their future? Would their story in her new book end on this unfinished page? She moved to him. Pain in her limbs was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. Her soul screamed out his name a thousand times a second. She did not hear anyone around her because all she heard was his name in her soul. She stretched out her hand to him, and she froze. She saw her own hand. So lonely and so unfamiliar now. She felt so strange and so ill to her stomach... Where was Can's hand she held just a moment ago? Where was it now? And she realized how much despair that sight brought to her. Would she ever hold his hand again? Would her hand find peace in his hand again? Or would her hand forever be frozen in time in the coldest of forms known to man - ALONE...

She touched his hair, raised it from where it lay lifeless. And she saw the blood. And she saw his closed eyes. She let go of the hair in fear she might hurt him more. The shock of what she saw was more than she could handle. Worse... Each image she saw etched itself a milliontimesfold in her heart because of her photographic memory. She would remember seeing him like this for the rest of her life. She would forever be haunted by the sight of his lifeless body. And then, he stirred...

Life came back to her again... This meant to her more than any other gift she ever received in her life. She thought of their lives and of the choices they made. Life was a secret. Mystery, no less. A treasure. No one knew the key to that treasure. Was life made up of choices? Or of the way people reacted to what card they were dealt? Did Sanem and her beloved Can choose the cards to fall in love? Or did they play those cards in just the right way? Did they choose to come back to each other after a year apart? Or did life deal them that best card in that deck of cards meant for them? Whatever it was. She held strong to the card they were dealt now. She was okay, and he was alive. And that is what mattered. And whatever came their way next, she would hold on to that strength she felt at this very moment, and would make sure it would be enough for them both and their love...