THE MAFIA'S BEAUTY

Chapter 43

My eyes fluttered open falling on dark sheets tangled all around my eyes directly staring at an empty pillow awake but not moving not wanting to move or do anything for that matter. My head throbbed yet nothing could compare to the gaping hole in my chest. I blinked looking but not seeing everything grey all around me the colour having been stolen from my world. I knew where I was, how could I not when his scent was all that could be smelt. I lay there not moving my mind deep in thought yet not knowing what I was thinking my heart aching yet I knew I would learn to live with that ache finally turning around my legs swinging in the air only to freeze in motion my eyes locking with his bulging figure sitting in an armchair laptop on lap his eyes on me watching his face blank as I was hit with a brick of so many emotions they had my head spin wishing I could disappear. I did not want to see him, did not want to look at him or smell him or whatsoever because it made it even harder to breath with him there.

I swallowed the lump in my throat blinking away the tears knowing I had to be strong, dusting myself off wanting nothing more than to show him that I was fine, that I was okay and act as if everything was normal.

"Morning." My voice was something I could not recognise myself my throat dry.

"Morning." He said back his eyes never leaving me feeling them on me as I slipped out of the bed my feet swallowed buy the thick carpet turning around and walking to the bathroom.

"We need to talk," His voice came having me falter in my steps my chest clenching my lower lip trembling his voice still heaven to my ears, my heart still skipping a beat even after being broken in such a way this tearing me apart the pain too much to bare hating the effect he had on me. Hating how after everything all he had to say was sorry and some lame excuse and I could run into his arms. I hated how much I loved him it being so much to a point where I thought I would suffocate my heart just crushing.

I took a deep breath blinking the tears away before turning around facing him. My nails dug into skin sure to have drawn blood as I walked to him standing right there in front of him not trusting myself to speak, not trusting myself to not fall apart again.

"My offer still stands, a well-furnished house and a large sum that could have you leaving comfortably from the rest of your life."

All I was hearing was I have fucked you now leave.
"I am not going anywhere." I spat my eyes on him and if looks could kill he would be dead by now. I don't know if it was the anger or stubbornness talking but it felt good the words like burning acid in my mouth his eyes never leaving me dark and dangerous not being able to read what he was thinking  holding his stare daring him so much anger coursing through me feeling used and betrayed. He could not rid of me so easily. He could not just toss me away.

"Okay," He said as I turned storming away from him before I did something that I would regret the door closing behind me my body leaning on it chest violently moving up and down trying to calm my heart yet it was no use feeling the tears well up yet I blinked them away. I was not going to be weak, I was not going to wallow.

Days passed and I was panicking.

With everything that had happened that night I had forgot the real reason that I had started that conversation. Seventy-two hours had passed and now there was nothing I could do and looking at the situation between us this could not get better. We were never in the same place together always finding a way to slip every time he entered a room. I knew it was childish yet I just could not help it and my anxiety just picking up at this point, my mind and heart as if it would explode. I missed him, I missed us.  Missed talking to him it being too tempting to just walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He would visit me at night kissing and loving me in ways that had me cry only for morning to come the realization setting in my heart breaking again knowing that I would only have him in my dreams now. My heart cried out wanting no one but him yet the mind knew better burying myself in more and more work trying to stop thinking about him, trying to not hurt so much it seeming to work the first day but not anymore all I saw and thought of was him. His scent was everywhere making it hard to even breathe because each time I took a whiff it was as if I was falling in love again.

I stood at front of his door like I had been doing for the last two minutes and no I was not being a creep. I had to talk to him yet my hand seemed not to get the message my heart drumming not being able to stand down knowing that he was just on the other side. I would have to face him, I would have to talk to him and I didn't think I could do that. My palms itched, sweating my hands seeming stuck in the door not being able to move. I did not want this, the emptiness in me engulfing me leaving me dead yet I knew I would do it all over again. I knew I would blindly follow again even if it meant feeling all this pain. I sighed trying so hard to put my feelings aside the hand moving knocking once, twice.

"Come in," The voice came loud and clear, this voice, strong and demanding having the same effect on me my face burning red my heart sure to kill me as it drummed. My hand went to the handle turning it down before pushing the door watching it give away as I followed not knowing what I expected, not knowing what I would say or do. After that night I had went back to 'my room'. Could not sleep next to him hearing him breath with everything seeming to be fine on his side.  Could not just act as if I was okay so I sneaked away to my room never to enter his room ever again and that is why he now spent his nights outside my door sitting on the floor. I knew it was cruel guilt eating away at him yet I could not bring myself to go back sleeping in his room. I just couldn't and I hated myself for it.

The room was dark as always he seeming allergic to opening the curtains only the dim side lamps lighting the room the bed neatly made my eyes moving around rushing to find him only for my breath to be rudely kicked out of me my heart as if on steroids my hands clenching only to unclench wanting to tear my eyes from him yet failing. But how could they? This felt like Dejavu having been here before it seeming like years ago when it was just him and I. I swallowed hard my teeth biting down on my lower lip watching him work out on the pull-up door bar only for him to jump down his feet graciously hitting the ground his muscles flexing having nothing on but a pair of briefs hugging his fine ass and crotch. I wanted to scream, wanted to run his body turning as he faced me his well-defined six pack there for me to see my eyes feasting on every inch of his perfect body not being able to help myself angry and hurt with myself for being so weak when it came to him. My throat was dry eyes wet not even sure I could move or say anything finding the strength to look away my eyes finding the bed where they stayed trying to get a grip on myself. I could feel his eyes on me, could feel them scotch my skin making me want to just rush into him and bury myself in his chest then and only then would I be complete.

"Sorry to disturb, I can come back later." I stated my voice low not even sure he heard me having stared at the bed for so long I swear it started moving watching how perfectly it had been made with such skill only his hands possessed. The same hands that had left me screaming his name so loud my vocals tore as he made me cum so hard with just his finger. I swallowed the memory not welcomed leaving my body burning needing his tongue. I felt like I was drowning, felt like I would die if I did not feel him. It was crazy so many intense feeling as if to drive me out of sanity.

"No its okay," He said his voice deep, his accent thick leaving me frozen there. I felt delusional as if I could do something crazy like tying him up into a chair until he loved me. My feelings seemed to have just amplified it getting worse the rejection making it hard to even breathe. I wished I could do as he did, wished I could just forget but how could I? He was my first, we had shared something that seemed so magical but I guess that was just me. I guess I was just too naïve, a stupid girl believing in fairy tales thinking that if you loved someone and I had thought he was my soul mate, really I had but I guess not.

I cleared my thought emotions getting the best of me not wanting to be this girl anymore, not wanting to be this stupid anymore.

"I was here to see your outfit for the ball so I could pick my own." I said eyes still on bed my neck sore at this point not daring to move my eyes from it.  Heard the patter of feet knowing he was getting closer and closer to the point where I could see his long legs than had seen their fair share of leg days short hair covering it making them look even more appealing. I swallowed hard my eyes snapping to watch them move, mesmerized my heart as if I would puke it out on the floor.
He passed me his scent kicking me on the face nearly making me stumble taking it in my eyes closing taking a deep breath it seeming to do magic as my heart skipped a beat calming to a steady rate beating away as if singing a tune my eyes flickering open looking up as he walked out of the closet carry a suit bag placing it on the bed unzipping. There was no other option for me at this point. I had to go to him my feet quick to spring to action leading me to the side of the bed standing just mere inches from him. With one last step our skin would be touching that alone just nearly having me run out of the room. My eyes lay on the tux on the bed. I shook my head, he could have just said black tux with white shirt. I sighed nodding my head already seeing the dresses I had picked out as options, five to be exact still not sure which one to pick. Tonight was going to be a night in hell, I did not have to be an expect to know how everyone would react to him and all I had to do tonight was be an eye candy making him look good that meaning I had to be on my A-game.

"We are leaving in an hour." He said.

"Okay," I said back awkward silence falling between us after that knowing that was my queue to leave yet my feet never got the message stuck where they were my body betraying me. It seemed like hours when it had been just seconds when I turned making my way across the room opening the door walking out closing the door behind me a shaky breath escaping me my feet quickly rushing away wanting to put as much distance between us.