THE MAFIA'S BEAUTY

EPILOGUE

The car pulled up in the drive way, easing in before I switched it off. My eyes took in the large house in front of me, the staff waiting for me at the wide open door. I wish I could tell you that it got better, wish I could tell you that I could see colour again but I am afraid I could not. The pain was still as if it happened yesterday, the guilt, the hate and anger just there and never going away. Every day was a struggle, it was as if I was not alive, just moving through life and seeing it pass by, day after day.

I blinked, my hands moving from the staring wheel as I undid my seat belt. I sat, taking a deep breath with everything silent all around me. For a second I could not hear anything, for a second it seemed everything had paused and the pain came crushing down. I turned, my door was opening with me grabbing my coat and slipping out.

"Mr Vintagè," the valet greeted as I nod my head in acknowledgement. I slipped out, passing him and going to the back door to open it. I could not see his face, everything just bland and the same to me. I could feel the eyes on me, could feel them burning me without even turning to look at the window on the fifth floor. The door was opened and I blinked. Red was tucked in her car seat, dead asleep. She wore her black leggings with an oversized yellow adidas sweater and sneakers. Her thumb was in her mouth even in sleep and getting it out was just a war with her.

I undid the belts, careful to not wake her for she was a force to be reckoned with. I picked her up – my baby. I brought her to my chest with her stirring in sleep, her body eased down on my chest where she nestled and went straight back to sleep. She was my world, everything revolved around her and she was what kept me bolted down to sanity, my rock. I moved again, taking her two bags and holding them with my one hand before stepping away. My eyes trailed down to make sure she was comfortable. The truth was that I did not know what I was doing, most of the time I was just lost, lost on what to do, wondering if I was doing it right.

I turned, taking the first step up as the lady came meeting me half way.

"Mr Vintagè," She greeted as I nod my head as always, I could not remember the last time I had a full conversation with anyone, could not remember the last time I could just breathe. I sighed, walking up the stairs with the head help walking next to me. I followed as she led me around the house, there were a few staff members walking around and doing their chores yet I could feel their stares not that they bothered me. At this point in my life nothing bothered me, nothing had me think twice because everything was just black and blue, I was numb, numb from everything, numb from life.

We walked around the house, guards watching me like a hawk until we stood infront of the golden doors that closed as soon as I walked in. I walked further in, my eyes scanning the room until I found her. Czarina was on the floor wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt. Her nurse was by the corner, sitting on a chair and watching her just like all the five times I had been here. I could only see her once a month yet even with the five months gone all I could do was sit on the floor and watch her play in the far corner she loved so much. It was okay though, just seeing her was enough for me, it was more than I could ask for and I was forever grateful for the chance. My bags were placed on the couch, easing myself on to the carpeted floor so I could see Czarina properly. My eyes fell on Red who was still asleep with her nose covered in sweat.

I sat back my eyes taking in Czarina who just turned to give me a look before looking away and going back to her blocks. She was the spit image of her mother, so beautiful with her growing so fast. I could not believe how she had grown, getting taller by the day and yet I could not still forget the picture of that tiny baby I had held in my hands when she was born. Czarina had been small, so small it had had my heart nearly stop yet here she was now. Her eyes were dark and every time she stared at you it was as if she was looking through your soul.