THE MAFIA'S BEAUTY

Chapter 74

RAFAEL

I took a deep breath, maybe if I took a deep breath I would be okay, maybe if I tried harder. My eyes were glassy, I could not see a thing with this weight in my chest just pressing harder and harder. My hand went to my neck, wrapping around in with me clearing my throat yet it did not give way. My hand went back, capturing my left one which was shaking so badly I thought it would fall off. I held it in my other hand, trying to control the shaking, trying to control the emotions but I could not. I could not see, could not see the tiled floor with everything blurry in front of me. I tried and tried but failed, my own body failing me as I drew in air but it was hard. It was like I was breathing through a wound and every time I moved it opened up. My eyes trailed to my shaking hands and all I could see was red, red everything with nothing but her blood covering me. My hands shook even harder with the weigh crushing me deeper. Tears filled my eyes, trying so hard to blink them back but I could not, I could not with my heart as if it had been ripped away and crushed over and over again.

I let go of my hand only for it to get worse so I grabbed it again, rubbing them to get the blood off. I had to get the blood off for I felt as if it was burning me, burning through my skin. I rubbed and rubbed, rubbed harder but it would not go away, it would not go away and I did not know what to do. I feel the tears fill my eyes, felt my whole body shake as I took a deep breath for I felt as if I was drowning. There was so much pain, so much pain I felt like I would collapse. I could not take it, could not take it anymore wishing I could just rip my heart out and throw it away.

A pair of hands lay on mine, holding firm having me stop what I was doing. I froze, froze where I was with everything spinning all around me and all I could think about was how this was my fault.

The pain struck again having the first tear to fall.

This was all my fault, I should have not let her fight, should have done something, anything.

Air could not pass as I bowed my head even lower, everything was wrong, everything was wrong. I was supposed to be the person on that bed, it should have been me fighting for my life. My face was burning, everything burning and painful. Blood dripped on the floor with everyone not saying a thing, everyone holding their breath.

A hand was running up and down my arm, her sobs echoing all through the waiting room and I was to blame. How could I ever live with myself? What would I be without her? There was no life without Lethu, there was nothing without her.

My body shot up, standing and walking to the other wall where I stood staring at it, I felt like I was losing my mind. My hands wrecked through my hair as the tears poured down. My whole body shook, shook so much I thought I would collapse. How could anyone be so cruel? I couldn't.....I couldn't think. I felt a weight, someone or some people behind me, I felt as they lay their hands on my shoulder having me red with anger. I did not want anyone near me, did not want anyone telling me how it was going to be okay when it wasn't. My head lay on the cold wall as I tried to breathe, tried to get myself together but it was all too much, I was only human and I could not bare this pain. I covered my face with my shaking hand wishing I could just go see her, wishing I could hold her hand and be there for her. She could not leave me, she could not leave us.

Foreheads were placed on my shoulder, hands patting me having me frustrated yet I could not say anything, all I could do was breathe but even that was so painful without her. I closed my eyes, willing the pain in. I had gone through a lot in life and this, I had never felt this. I felt like I had shuttered a million times.
"Guys, give him space please." A female voice came, the weight taken off my back. Silence passed with me just standing there.

"Rafael, you need to be strong, she is a fighter, she will make it out. Be strong for her, don't give up on her."

I opened my eyes, feeling them burn with unshed tears. I took a deep breath, holding myself together, I had to, I had to be strong. I nod my head, a hand brushing my back then nothing. I turned, my eyes falling on Melissa who was still crying so hard, she had all her friends around her not saying a thing but just holding her as she wept her heart out. A mother sat j a waiting room while her daughter fought for her life in surgery. I looked away, could not watch her as she wept for it was just too much, her sobs were so painful making it harder to even breathe. I held my hands, rubbing them off the blood that would not come out. I knew Lethu, she was strong, she was a fighter and she would pull through. Lethu was like a bulldog, never giving up and coming back for more. I could not help the smile that graced my face as I thought of her face expressions when she was fighting, they killed me. Her face would just go all serious with her eyes one so scary yet I fund it cute, so beautiful and so kind. My hand ran through my hair, my head shaking for I could not understand how something so brutal could happen to someone so kind, I just could not understand. I bit my tongue, my lip quivering as I sighed, closing my eyes to will in the emotions that would drown me.