nhl one-shots | multi

with all my faults | m. barzal

Summary: Mathew knows that Y/N deserves the best, but what happens when he causes a rift between them because of that?

Requested: No

Never in Mathews life did he think that it was possible to hurt so much. And he had dealt with his fair share of pain throughout the years. Whether it was taking a puck to the face, or breaking bone, he had certainly had a run in once or twice with pain. But in his experience- pain was always physical and temporary. How he felt right now was nothing in comparison. Mathew felt like his entire soul was being burned, that with every breath he took, his heart was squeezed just a little too tight.

He was in love.

Mathew was his own worst enemy, his relationship with Y/N had been perfect. Sure he wasn't home all the time and he missed her more often than not, but other than his attachment, they were perfectly fine- his family loved his girlfriend and Mathew had even bought a wedding ring. But before he could convince himself to get down on one knee, he had sabotaged himself.

He thought that she deserved better, and in reality she did deserve better, why should he be the reason that her heart is unhappy. No matter how many times she would tell him that she loved him, he could never believe it completely. Between his busy schedule and his constant absence, he was scared to death that one day Y/N was going to wake up on her side of the bed and change her mind about being with him.

So he beat her to the punch.

"What do you mean you need a break?" Y/N asked softly, her lip quivering as she tried to process what she was hearing. Standing in her shared apartment with Mathew, she felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest. She didn't understand what was going on, just days ago they had been talking about their future together, they had discussed kids, a house, leaving New York- they talked about a marriage. Why now was he throwing that all away?

Mathew shrugged not able to look Y/ in the eye. What he was doing was killing him inside, everything he told her was a lie but he felt like he had no choice. He couldn't be honest with her, not if he wanted this to work. He couldn't let her think that their was any hope in their relationship. He needed her to hate him. To absolutely loathe his existence.

"I'm saying that I need to be away from you." He crossed his arms. "I can't do this anymore I feel like youre suffocating me." He fibbed. With every syllable that slipped past Mat's tongue, he wanted to hurt himself- how could he do this to the woman he loved? How could he ruin everything because of his own insecurities.

The feeling of her throat tightening was what distracted Y/N from her staring contest. Mathew wouldn't raise his gaze from the floor- but that didn't mean that she wasn't boring holes into the side of his skull with her teary eyes. Biting her lip, she was praying that soon she would wake up and this would not be happening. This had to be some sort of nightmare, she was going to wake up and Mathew would be laying right night to her- his bare chest falling and rising with every breath he took. Or maybe he wouldn't be there at all, maybe he was still away on a roadie, she did tend to get nightmares more often when he was away.

"Is there someone else?" She asked hesitantly, her voice breaking as she even fathomed the idea. Please tell her that it wasn't true- she couldn't bare the idea of Mathew having been with someone else while she waited up for him in their apartment.

Mathew knew that this was the final straw. "Yes"

The final nail in the coffin had been stuck, and Y/N was a blubbering mess. She grabbed a pillow from the living room couch and launched it at him. "Get out!" Her voice cracked as she screamed at him. She would never think of hurting Mathew physically, but she wanted nothing to do with him. She needed him to leave- the idea of having him here, to spare him another glance was revolting.