Undaunted (Loki x Reader)

Chapter 15 - Stalemate

You sit in the chair near the window quietly. You remind yourself to breathe, and let out the breath you've been holding as you watch Loki pace. 

For the first two days back at the Tower, Loki had been in a relatively good humor - especially after the combat session with Steve, Nat, and Clint. But over the past three days, his mischievousness had given way to impatience. Volatility. And his sleep had once more grown disturbed and agitated. 

He had wanted to leave well before now, but your suit isn't ready. And each passing hour saw Loki grow even more infuriated.

"It's been nearly a full week, Y/n. Can your father figure not find a way to speed the process?" Loki demands, pacing anxiously around your quarters.

"He's going as fast as he can, Lo," you say quietly. Gently so as not to further provoke him. "You know that. You only helped him flush out the specs four days ago...now it's just building it. And you can't help with that, can you?" you ask pointedly.

"No," Loki grumbles. "But I hadn't anticipated we'd be here so long."

"I know, sweetheart," you say, crossing from your seat near the window to Loki, who has nearly caused a rut in the carpet from his incessant pacing. You stand in his way as he walks into you, and you place a calming hand on his face.

For the first time ever, he does not turn to place a kiss on your palm. Instead, he backs away from your touch. You frown.

"Lo, we both know Anthony is safe with Frigga. So for now it's wiser for us to make sure we have what we need to take on whatever we're going to face when we get there, rather than rush and arrive unprepared," you say, placing your hand on his cheek for the second time.

"I know. But I just can't help but feel like...," Loki trails off and pulls away from your touch again, his fists clenched at his side.

"You feel like a worried father, Loki," you say calmly.

"But it's more than that, Y/n. I've never felt this...powerless," Loki says.

You let out a sigh and take Loki's hand, pulling him gently to the bed. You crawl up and lean against the headboard, spreading your legs and reaching out your arms. Loki furrows his brow in hesitation for only a moment before relenting and climbing into your lap, resting between your legs. You reach around him and pull him back so that he's fully leaning against you. 

You hold him tightly, and run your fingers through his hair.

"No one prepared us for how much we would love our son, Loki. There are places in our hearts that we didn't even know existed until we had Anthony. And now that he's gone...it hurts more than we could have ever imagined. But sweetheart, we know he's safe. If he wasn't Frigga would have contacted us."

Loki has finally started to relax in your arms, though you can still feel his general anxiety and restlessness. 

You can count on one hand how many times since you've met that he's let you do the holding. That he's let you do the reassuring. But you can tell that in this moment, he needs it. And the small, helpless sigh that escapes his chest as you finish speaking is proof enough that Loki is, well...scared.