𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞.

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alejandro

I laid in bed, sobbing my eyes out as I heard Nano's toys clattering on the floor. It's Mattia's fault, all of his fault that they're gone, and my baby. My baby is gone. A 'miscarriage' is what they told me when we were there.

"He's bleeding, like a lot from...from down there," Mattia said to a doctor as he carried me into the hospital emergency room. Nano following not too far behind him, "What happened?" She asked as a few nurses wheeled a bed over to me. Mattia laid me down on it, comfortably as he pushed my sweaty hair back.

"He's pregnant, I don't-I don't know." He stuttered, I cried out in pain as I held my stomach, begging some of the nurses to help me, "Please, make it stop, please save my baby." I sobbed, feeling that my pants were wet. But whatever was on my pants wasn't water, it felt thicker.

"Sir, we'll be right back with him. You have nothing to worry about, he's gonna be fine. I'm sure whatever it is, is normal." The doctor told Mattia, I moved my head to see he looked afraid, he begged the nurse to let him come with me. But she refused, telling him that I and the baby would be fine. I saw Nano's wide and watery eyes watching from afar.

"Honey, do you know how far along you are?" A nurse asked me, helping me roll on my side as we got into a small room. "I-just a-just a few weeks." I groaned as she asked me if she could pull my pants down.

I told her yes as a nurse grabbed a blanket and put it over me, I grabbed onto her arm, a hand on my stomach. "Please, please save them." I sobbed. "We will darling. We will." She soothed me, pushing my curls back.

"Please. Tell me they're fine." Mattia's muffled voice said, I watched from the small recovery room, he stood to his feet and cracked his knuckles, Nano laying down on the hospital waiting room chairs and sleeping. I could see Mattia's eyes watering but he nodded, telling the doctor that he understood.

If this was anybody else. I would want them to come in and hold me, tell me that everything will be alright and it wasn't my fault. But all I wanted to do now was go home and lay down in bed. I wanted to die.

"Ale, you okay?" Nano asked me, walking over and jumping on my bed. Laying down so he was eye length with me. "Yes Papi, I'm fine." I nodded, wiping my nose.

"Are you hungry? Let me make you breakfast, c'mon." I said, struggling to stand up a bit, but I did. "Let's go." I sniffled, holding my hand out to him, he happily jumped off the bed and took my hand.

I hesitated before opening the door and walking out, checking both directions to see if Mattia was anywhere. He must just be in his room. "What do you wanna eat? huh?" I asked as we both walked down the stairs. "Anything is fine." He shrugged as we got to the hallway and he happily skipped around.

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I ran my hand through Nano's hair as we sat on the couch, watching TV and just grieving my three losses. "Can I stay more this weekend?" Nano asked, moving his head to look up at me. "Yeah...of course." I nodded? he smiled and thanked me, laying on his side as he continued watching the TV.

I heard the front door open and bit my bottom lip, knowing it was Mattia who said he was going out with his dad. Not that I cared, "Nano, let's go, we're going upstairs." I said, patting his back, he said a quiet okay as he stood up, running back upstairs to our room. I didn't look up at Mattia as I pushed myself off of the couch.

He tried grabbing into my arm, making me basically jump and snatch my hand back. "Fuck off," I said, pushing past him and going to the stairs.

"I'm sorry okay...you don't have to forgive me...but I really need you to know that I apologize for it. And I feel awful." He said. I rolled my eyes as I trudged back up the stairs. Dumbass...

‼️

"Are you and Mattia dating or something?" Nano asked me as we sat outside on the grass. "We're married...so...yes in reality. But no in my opinion." I told him, "What's reality?" He asked, picking at some flower petals. "It's hard to explain. You'll know when you're older." I told him, leaning back on my elbows, staring up at the sky.

"I'll order pizza for dinner, sound good?" Mattia asked me, closing the fridge as he held his phone up to his ear, I sat on the counter with Nano, helping him with some homework. "Pizza tonight?" Nano asked me, "Yeah, we'll get that." I told him, putting a hand on the back of his neck and running them through his hair.

"Mattia, can you help me with this addition," Nano asked, Mattia looked at me, I quickly looked back down. "Sure buddy, let me just call the pizza place." He said, and Nano nodded. He didn't know any better, and he's such a sweet kid, so I just let him be nice.

I heard Mattia ask for a large plain cheese pizza, and a side of fries before thanking the person on the phone and hanging up, walking over to us both and leaning on the counter. I hopped off my chair and walked over to the fridge.

Going through it and looking for a Gatorade, smiling sadly when I saw "the healthy foods." section of the fridge that Mattia had made a few days after I found out I was pregnant. I mentally slapped myself, realizing that I was smiling over this dick.

But it just happened, Mattia was so much nicer when I was pregnant, I wish it would have stayed this way.

I wasn't gonna leave Mattia alone with Nano so after I found a Gatorade, I just stood by the counter, watching them closely.

‼️

"Lay down, and go to bed, no TV," I said, pulling the bed covers over Nano so he would finally go to bed, it's already 4 hours over his bedtime, which meant he would wake up late in the morning. "Please TV!" He yelled, "No, I already told you. And your gonna listen because I'm older than you." I told him, shutting the lights off and turning his night light on.

"I want mom!" He yelled, throwing a pillow at me and folding his arms over his chest. "Well guess what, you're not gonna get mom. I'm in charge now, me, not mom. Me. So lay down, be quiet, and go to sleep!" I yelled. Grabbing the controller from the nightstand and leaving the room, hearing Nano cry loudly.

I went downstairs, throwing the controller in the drawer under the microwave so Nano wouldn't find it, I looked over at the table, seeing Mattia and his dad talking about something, both of them are so scary looking when they look and speak like that.

"Ale, can you come and join us." Mr. Polibio asked me, but it didn't really sound like a question. "I'd rather not," I replied, about to leave the kitchen when I felt a hand grab my arm. "Please, this is important," Mattia said, his blue eyes digging daggers into my chest. I sighed, taking my arm back, and looking back and forth at the both of them. Killers.

"Hurry up, I wanna go to bed soon," I mumbled, sitting at the chair farthest away from them and folding my arms, Not making eye contact with them until Mr. Polibio cleared his throat. "I think, we should start thinking about you getting pregnant again." He said, my eyes widened as he went on and on, his words mumbled to me.

What a fucking asshole. "A-again?...are you serious? Me!? You want me to get pregnant again? After just losing a baby!?" I shouted, pushing my chair back and standing up, looking at both of them, absolutely baffled.

No way...I'm not losing anything or anyone else.

‼️

shitty update.

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