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trigger warning: this chapter will consist of a really horrible panic attack and harsh drug withdraws. i know it can be very hard for some to read about, especially recovering addicts, so please read with caution or skip completely. if you ever experience the acts that will be shown in this chapter, please, please, please reach out. if you have a sponsor or a safe person, call then immediately. if you do not, here's a drug addict hotline. 1-800-662-4357
Alaska couldn't breath.
That's all she could comprehend, not breathing. She felt like her body was lit on fire, like her lungs were being flooded with water. Her vision was spotty, her hearing going in and out. There was a horribly weight on her chest, gasp for air being heard as she paced the hospital hallways. Alaska speed to the hospital, right behind the ambulance as Demetri was taken into surgery immediately.
Alaska replayed what happened in her mind over and over, hearing it. She could get the imagine of Eli breaking Demetri arm out of her head, hearing the cries and the snap over and over again. Its all that played in her mind, no matter what she did. Alaska tried to take a breath, failing miserably as she paced horribly. Her hand ran through her hair as she cried out in pain, clutching her chest.
Alaska watched over and over again as the nurses disappeared into the medical closet behind the desk, the sound of the door opening echoing horribly in her ears. Alaska held her ears, the sound of pills only getting worse. She could smell the drugs, nurses sprinting around her with different liquid medication and syringes in their hands. Alaska couldn't breath, nothing was fixing her, nothing was helping.
Drugs would, they always did.
Alaska dialed Beths number quickly as the thoughts filled her head, crying as she continued to try and find her breath. Beths phone went to voice mail, Alaska called her over and over again as the pills hitting got louder, almost mocking her. Beth didn't answer, the tenth voice mail making Alaska throw her phone at the wall harshly.
The teen took off down the hospital halls quickly, crying out as she tried to rid her mind of the sounds, clear her vision of the things she wanted the most. It was dark out as Alaska ran into the parking lot, being honked at as she sprinting to her car. Alaska struggled to get the door open, sobbing as it finally flew open and caused her to throw herself inside quickly. Alaska was shaking as she tried to start the car, crying harshly because she couldn't take a breath, because her lungs were tightening, because she never wanted to relapse so hard in her life, because Demetris arm was broken, because Beth wasn't answering, because her life support had done something she never thought he would.
Alaska couldn't remember when she managed to start her car when she came back, only seeing herself driving down the streets of the valley. Her knuckles were white from the way she gripped the steering wheel, her vision horribly blurry. The streets hadn't been busy yet, not enough people on the road that could cause her to wreck from her horrible driving. Alaska hit the gas harder as her body seemed to take control, taking her to the place she didn't want to go to.
