𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

Forgiveness

Paisley

By the time two weeks had gone by since leaving Hogwarts, I had gotten two more panic attacks. One was when we visited my house and I went up to my room to get my things. The twins found me later curled up in a corner
after they had realized I didn't come down. They gave me one of the Draught's of peace and it calmed me. The second time was when Ginny and Ron came back from school, and the twins gave me the potion right away that time.

I had become even closer to the twins, but probably because they were so worried about me all the time. After first panicking at my house they were both convinced that they would never leave my side. That was taken away when Molly explained all the reasons why I should stay in Ginny's room. I was with another girl my age, there was more room for me there, and more.

This morning was her and Ron's second day back. Last night I had the panic attack, so there was no time for talking. Neither of them had said a word to me, but I barely saw them. They got back late last night so I didn't talk to Ginny much and this morning she got ready and left our room without saying anything. She, along with the rest of the Weasley's, went down for breakfast this morning.

Lately I've tried to miss every meal because I didn't feel like eating. Draco would have made me. He kept me under control. The twins tried to get me to eat at first, but I got defensive and they just left me alone. They probably figured this was just one of the ways I grieved, and maybe it is. I never want to eat when I'm sad.

Another thing that made this even harder was being away from Draco. If I ever slept at all at night, it was only for two or three hours. I was used to being with him, and now I felt even more alone.

I went to the loo and looked at myself in the mirror, gazing over what I've turned myself into. My cheekbones were sticking out further than normal due to not eating, my hair was tied back in a greasy messy bun because I hadn't showered in days, there were dark circles under my droopy eyes, and I didn't look like myself overall. I was broken, on the inside and out.

I still feel like my father's death was all my fault. The guilt overwhelmed me inside, and deep down I just knew I could've done something to prevent this.

Ginny, Ron, Harry, Hermione, and the majority of the Gryffindor's are furious with me just because I'm dating Draco. Everything in my life seems out of order and I don't know how to stop it. The pain never ends.

I rinsed my hands under the cold water from the faucet and wet my face to make myself look a little better. Maybe I'll shower tonight.

I looked down at my wrist and grazed my nail in a straight line. What would it feel like if I dug a blade into my skin? Would it release some of the pain? I glanced at Draco's ring. No, that's not a good idea. It would kill Draco if he found out I hurt myself.

I quickly walked out of the loo and back into me and Ginny's room. I flopped on my bed and just stared at the ceiling as I cuddled up while hugging my pillow. I cried a little more.

With everything going on, it had just occurred to me that Lord Voldemort was also after me now. He could be sending death eaters after me or hunting me down at this very moment. That thought scared me. I wasn't in as much danger as Harry, but close. What my mother did will stick with me forever.

After a while of staring blankly at the ceiling, Ginny came in and flopped down on the bed next to me. "Malfoy was extra rude the last week of school." She said. I continued to stare off. "After you left, the Slytherin's all got bad."

"I guess you have another reason to hate them, and me." I said.

She looked at me, but I didn't look at her. "That's not why I meant. I mean, I - I think you made him better when you were around." She said.