𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

Believe

Paisley

The morning sickness came back within a week and I was up every morning throwing up. Just in the morning's though, so I didn't feel the need to go back to Madam Pomfrey after we already went back a second time to tell her that she can't tell anyone about this. I just have to deal with it for the time being, even though Draco doesn't agree with that.

Today my plan was to get more books from the library on pregnancy and information to help me, which is what Snape told me to do. I've read four books already and I've found that reading is my coping mechanism. I guess I already knew that though.

But my plans changed when I saw Neville in the corridor and remembered that I said I would visit them in the Room of Requirement, and I never went. Although lots of things have been happening all around, I should've remembered. I need to focus on other people now instead of being in my own little bubble all the time. But how am I supposed to even be around them without wanting to share everything?

I told Draco that I wanted to go alone to the library to look for books this time so that I could really comprehend what I'm reading. I'm absolutely not going there to read, but he believed me and let me go alone. Lately he hasn't wanted be to go anywhere alone. It's like he thinks I'm so fragile, vulnerable, and delicate that if someone would find out I'll immediately be killed or something. It's understandable with our situation though.

When I left I felt guilty because I lied. Technically I will stop there later just to grab books, but I'm not staying there to read like he thinks I'm doing. I don't like to keep secrets from him, but I have no choice this time. It's for his own good.

I walked down the corridor and turned in the opposite direction from the library to go to the Room of Requirement. I made sure no one was in sight before I revealed the wall to myself and discreetly snuck into the room.

When I walked in, lots of people immediately walked over to me to say hello including Neville, Luna, and Ginny. "I'm so sorry for not visiting sooner. I've been...busy." And now I was lying to even more people.

"That's alright, we're just glad you came!" Luna said, giving me a heartfelt smile.

And suddenly I felt sick. This baby even knows that lying to my close friends wasn't the right thing to do. I forced the sickness down and carried on with a fake smile that I tried to make real. I told myself everything was fine when I wasn't.

They all invited me to sit down and talk for a bit, so I agreed. It would prevent me from throwing up. I better not throw up.

We sat down on the floor with blankets and pillows in our own corner of the room. Just looking around made me want to cry. The sadness of the students that filled the room was drowning if you didn't have anything to be happy about. And there wasn't much to be happy about.

"Are you alright, Paisley?" Ginny asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine! I'm just really glad to see all of you." I'm not fine.

"So, what have you been up to?" Neville asked.

It took me a second to think up a believable answer. "Oh, you know, the usual. We just go to class and I spend me free time reading mostly." I hugged my knees to my chest. Do you think they can tell? No, I'm only three weeks along. I need to stop worrying.

But what I wanted to say was that I was completely freaking out on the inside and that nothing I try will ever take that away. I'm so scared sometimes that I think I'll never sleep again. I want to tell them everything from Draco to Snape and my pregnancy and all the things in between. I can't, and this is going to suck.