Inside | HENDERY WAYV/NCT

79

Luna climbed up the stairs. But each step got heavier as she moved forward. She finally gave up and broke down on the stairs. Hala's words echoed through her head.

"I know you'd probably think I'm siding with him. But I'm not. I am as equally as frustrated as you. But Luna, he needs everyone right now. Luna nothing is working," Hala dropped the bomb that Luna didn't want to hear.

"I wish we talked about this sooner. I'm sorry Luna."

********************

Luna ignored Yun's screams for her.

"You cunt! Are you deaf?!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her. "Why are you crying?"

"It's none of your business," she pulled her arm off him and shut the door to her room. She could hear Yun cursing her from behind the door but she couldn't care less.

Days passed and Luna had been frequenting Hala's house for a week. Every morning making breakfast and helping with the laundry, sometimes allowing Hala to sleep a little bit more and baby sit the baby.

That day, the house was a mess when she arrived. Probably a rough night. Luna washed the dishes and picked up the abundance of baby clothes in the laundry bin. She then did the laundry quietly.

"You're early today?" Hala yawned as she walked into the laundry area.

"Go to sleep, Hala."
"Daisy won't stop crying the whole night. Lord help me," Hala rested her forehead on Luna's shoulder. Luna chucked and ruffled her hair.

*****************

Lucas finally woke up and made his way to the kitchen. He sat down and pulled Hala's bowl.

"She didn't slept the whole night...." he mumbled.

"Yes, Lucas. I was there too," Hala ruffled Lucas' hair. She smiled as she watched him ate like a little boy.

Luna placed another bowl of rice in front of Hala. "Dig in. Babies are a handful but when they grow up, you'll miss them as babies."

Lucas looked up from his bowl and laughed. "You sound like someone with child, you know?"

"Duh... . She was a mother. It's not even weird," Hala laughed.

"What?"
"What?" She turned to Lucas who was confused.

*******************

Luna looked up to her house. She lived on the fifth floor. Everyday she dreaded climbing up the stairs. The door was never inviting and the inside was filled with pain.

But everyday, she tried so hard to wash the memories away. Just so she could have a family. Just so she could have a roof over her head.

That day, an old wound that never healed properly bled again. "I wanted to die. But I couldn't."

Each step she took felt like a death sentence. For years she tried to forget about it. 8 long years she tried to not remember it. That day, she couldn't anymore. The thought of going back home made her whole body shook with fear and pain.

She was lost in her novel. For the longest, novels were her only escape. She would get lost in the world created by the authors and just lived with it.

"Cunt!!! Someone's looking for you!" Yun banged on the door hard. It was 30 minutes after midnight, who could it be? She opened the door slowly and put on her hoodies.

**********************

Luna stood in front of Kelly, listening attentively to whatever she was saying.

"It's not that I don't want to. But he's going to be so angry, Kelly."
"I'll take responsibility. I'll say I told you everything. Just please, Luna. We're at out ends wit. DJ, Yangyang, even mom couldn't go through him," Kelly was begging at that point. Luna sighed heavily before agreeing to come over.

"Let me go get my stuff," she disappeared inside for a while and came back out with her bag and a pair of decent pants.

The car ride was silent. Too silent.

Yangyang and Xiaojun knocked on the door. "Come on, Hendery. Open up."

Yangyang gave up after almost an hour knocking. He knew Hendery won't open the door. Xiaojun knocked again before he too gave up. Both of them sat on the floor.

"We're not 15 anymore, you know? Come on. Let's talk."
"What's there to talk about? DJ, I'm tired. I know everyone else is tired too."
"I am not tired. Neither is Yangyang. None of us are tired of you."
"Fuck it, DJ. I can smell the stink."

Yangyang punched the door hard. "Stupid righteous man," he spat at the door. Yangyang hated the fact Hendery kept telling people they're tired of him when they're not. Hendery laughed from behind the door.

********************

Luna chuckled as she threw the first aid kit at Xiaojun. "Let me try," she made her way to Hendery's room.

She knocked softly. "Open the door or I'll open it."

"What are you doing here?" Hendery asked from the other side.
"Trying to make things make sense. Open the door, Hendery."

"The keys are with me," she could hear him shaking the keys.
"I can pick locks," she reasoned again but Hendery refused.

A few seconds later, the door opened. Luna stood before him, holding a bobby pin. "Told you I can pick locks."

*********************

It was total silence. Nobody moved nor said anything. They were taken aback at how Hendery reacted. It was their first time seeing him acting that way.

Luna inched forward and softly touched his cheek.
"Hey, I miss you," she said softly. "Don't push me away anymore."

"Why?"
"Why what?" She sat on his bed and pat the empty space beside her.

"Why are you here?"
"The same reason everyone else is."
"Luna, you don't want to do this."
"Do what? Care for you? Loving you?"
"Why would you love me?"

She smiled. "Why would you love me?" She asked him the same question. Hendery fell silent. He didn't know how to answer her.

Luna got up and ran her fingers through his hair. Still dry and damaged. "Hendery, I know it's..."

"No! You don't know!"

"Yeah I don't. I don't know how it feels like to be you. But I know that it hurts to keep playing it safe and fine. It eats you inside out. Hendery, you don't have to lie anymore. I know you're tired. You can be. It's okay. But us, we're not. Don't push us away. Don't push me away," Luna did something she doesn't do much. She hugged him. Luna buried her face in his back, stopping him from walking away.

In that instance, he melted. Hendery broke down.

And I as a person gave up on living the day I touched down here. But you gave me so much reason to live.

Why does fate hate me so much? Why can't I live and love?