Apartment | Enhypen 엔하이픈

Chapter 59

I have to rewrite two chapters so... I can't update more today, but I'll update tomorrow or the day after depending on how fast I manage to write.

- moonlight

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Choi Haewon POV

Unable to sleep I found myself waking in the dark night. The city lit up the dark night and made a new word only visible at night. Cars drove past me, minding me no thought. Everyone was busy planning their Christmas dinners, and buying presents for their loved ones.
A thought had been bothering me for some time now. It was the constant thought of something inside me telling me to die, that I would be better off dead. Erased from this world.

When I was younger I was told that my teenage years would be the best years of my life. I was told that by adults who were supposed to be there for me and protect me as I was to grow up. Though the saying might be true for someone, it surely wasn't true for me.
I had been facing my problems alone ever since I was young. I was too embarrassed to ask for help, I felt my problems weren't severe enough to as someone to give up their time and energy to help me. I closed myself off slowly and made myself resist the world around me til the point where I just lived like a hollow box.

It almost felt surreal that I had lived for a bit. To be alive was one thing, surviving, but living was a while another thing as you actually felt alive.
Going into my last year of high school I don't think anything would change from the last years. But two weeks after the semester started something unexpected showed up at my door and opened a whole new world for me.

I will forever be grateful for what they showed me, and the time they gave me. The moments we shared together, and the memories we made. But time is over now, and I have to let go.

I shouldn't hold him back, Heeseung. He grew up with them and share a special bond with them, and I will never be able to give him what they can.

Tears streamed down my cheek as if I hadn't noticed myself walking towards the bridge above the Han River. I walked to the railing and looked down at the water. A thin layer had frozen on top as the water wasn't as harsh as it used to be, meaning that if someone was to jump they would break through the ice and be taken by the steam underneath it and drug away without any way to get back up.
It would probably take the police a while to find the boy, they would have to drag him through the waters after the ice froze.

I stepped away from the railing and gazed down at the words written on a thick metal bar that was a part of the construction.

Have you eaten?

I'm sorry Heeseung for not being able to eat a normal amount of food. For making you worry and to make you spend so much time on me.

Many people used to end their sad life by jumping from their exact bridge. In the end, the government meant that the numbers were getting too high and started a campaign where they would write comforting questions and quote on the railing of the bridges which the higher suicide rates.

Did you sleep well?

I felt like a ghost waking through a crowded room where no one noticed me. It felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one noticed me.