𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐔𝐒 | 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐧.【𝗘𝗡𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡】

𝟐𝟔. 𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊.

Mavie Jaeger.

Five years ago, I saw myself as a helpless child and dependent on adults to survive, that is, until the day when the Colossal Titan appeared with the Battleship and took away everything we had and knew: our house, our food, the friends and family... It took five long and hard years to get to where we are today, not even halfway through having overcome all that tragedy and anguish that was left to us.

Sometimes I wonder what brought the titans to the world and if they always existed, I believe that something catastrophic and divine has happened for them to be born and disgraced with humanity since then, however, I don't know what to believe or study, never I found nothing to explain what we were always told to be inexplicable, in this case, the existence of the titans. After all, according to what Protestants preach, these cannibal beings have always existed and one thing makes me doubt this "fact": if they always existed, why did humans only want to build the walls just a century ago? There are so many contradictions that it seems to be a story invented to hide something or someone.

For some reason, I always get chills when I think about these things and I end up going into an anxiety crisis, making me question my own existence and if I have good purposes for the universe to have allowed me to survive all the times I was sure I wouldn't stay. alive, things like that even make me believe in the existence of a divine being who protects me from all the evils in the world, even if my belief in deities is very weak and almost non-existent.

I was always like that, a person of little faith and, as I learned in school, with some agnostic ideals... However, I believe in superstition and other things that are not so influenced by a religion, as in the letters that gypsies usually read. My mother never taught me anything about religions within the walls and the teachers too, I think it's because, at that time, the Protestants still didn't have that much influence over us, this only happened after the appearance of the Colossal and the Armored. Honestly, I don't think they're helpful, I've never seen them doing anything that actually helped us. If the God they talk about so much really exists, why did he allow the titans to attack us? It's this kind of questioning that makes me wary about having beliefs in divine beings.

Last night I gave my body to Reiner, that had been my first time sleeping with a man for sex. I spent my whole life depriving myself of letting my feelings show, but when I met him and realized that what I felt for him went beyond liking him as a friend, I saw that I was so wrong to continue depriving myself and leaving me far from love, who Would you say that a person I've never seen in my life would make me see how silly I was? It's just euphoric to have these feelings for him, I don't know what I would do without Reiner or the friends I made in the cadet battalion, in fact, I don't know what I would do without him, after all, if it wasn't for Reiner I would would have been disapproved long ago.

I feel bad for seeing him say he loves me and never being able to say the same to him, even though our feelings for each other are completely reciprocal... I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't say "I love you", being that it is such a small and simple sentence, however, it is also very strong. I imagine this emotional block comes from the fear I have of losing those I love, whether friends or family. I don't really know when these feelings started to be born in me, I just realized I had them when he offered me help, about three years ago, on that cold night lit by the moon and its usual companions, the stars.

If I had known we were going to bump into each other in the hallway on one of my bad nights sleep, I would have left the dorm more often so I could have found him sooner. You know, I never know how to react when Reiner acts protectively and affectionately towards me, treating me like I'm a precious asset to him, when I'm just a random girl he just happened to meet by chance and that "chance" would be mine. own twin brother, Eren Jaeger.