547 days

Saturday 7th January 2023

Dear Diary,

Worst nights sleep I've had in ages. I ended up turning my phone off just so I couldn't go on it. I was trying to sleep for ages but every time I couldn't, I'd just go on my phone. But anyways, I think I slept at like 2am, but I kept waking up, really needing to drink some freezing water in the middle of the night like it had to be ice cold. I finally slept properly after morning prayer which is at like 7am.

I've done something to my left hand, I don't know if I slept on it but it's just playing up like it hurts if I put too much pressure on it.

I'm now sat on my bedroom floor tidying my room because Honey is coming over in an hour. I haven't put her gifts in a nice bag or wrote a card. I wasn't going to write her a card I was going to write her a little note. It wasn't going to be a note though as I can write for days but it was going to be a letter or like a fully written A4 page, folded into her gifts. I sometimes wish I received a love letter like appreciation and stuff cos it's nice to be told, I think I'm quite old school when it comes to romance. But I've been told and I know I am, a hopeless romantic.

Next topic I want to talk about before I carry on tidying my room is books. So many new books I want! The next one I want to read is A Little Life, I know it's tearjerking and heartbreaking because I read the TikTok comments but I want one that will destroy me lol, I like sad books too. I haven't finished a thousand splendid suns yet.

I also hope we don't stay at my house in the afternoon for too long as we want to go out shopping and stuff and return stuff. I know we are going to be cooking noodles. I don't know how long she'll stay over. I wouldn't mind if she stayed until night to be honest.

Also, Lorenz didn't say I love you back to me last night. Listen, I know he does love me but why is it so hard to say it back? It breaks me every single time. It's gotten to the point where I actually refrain from saying it because I know I won't hear it back. I just don't understand why he doesn't say it back, I told him a few months ago and he's like I just feel like I don't need to say it for you to know I love you but I just, I don't know. It hurts me. - 11:03am

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All done with tidying, just vacuumed my room and stuff and put my other clean bedding on. Middle Eastern go all out with guests even if it's a friend. My parents made a fruit bowl and some pecan and cinnamon buns on a plate in my room ready for us bless them. Ive done everything I need to but I don't know if I should change out of my loungewear into jeans or just stay in my comfy clothes? If we are going out straight away I'll change into jeans but I don't know. She'll be here soon so I'll get a start on her letter I want to give her. - 12:04pm

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Right. I have a lot to say.
The day was really good. I've been eating loaaaads because I'm not used to being this skinny. Even Honey commented on how skinny I look today and I feel flat and that's my insecurity.
The day was good, we sat down and sorted out the Swarovski charm bracelet she got me and I'm wearing the earrings and necklace she got me that came in the Swarovski advent calendar. She loved her gifts too and we set up her Polaroid camera.
We went out shopping and I got myself some air forces which I really like, and I got cargo trousers that I'm going to return. I returned Lorenz's sons gifts, I also got more adidas socks. I didn't need them to be honest but I got them anyway. There was a good sale in JD for gym clothes and I wanted two leggings but I put them back as I already have a few leggings but the price was good. Today was funny and we joked around with other people, not like jokes but you know like little comments here and there and when we walked out of one shop, it beeped so security came and it was just funny lol, Honey said she likes coming out with me because it's fun lmao. That was nice to hear. I felt like my old self.
We went home and made noodles and made a vlog. We made it her way and she adds milk to her noodles and I grated cheese, it was actually so good and honestly I could have had it spicier but it was really nice bless her.