547 days

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Literally fell asleep in my jeans and this outdoor black hoodie, not one I wore yesterday but it was outdoor clothes. I slept quite well though not gonna lie cos I was so tired.

Tash has invited me to stay at hers during the week. I didn't even ask her she offered bless her I'm just gonna see how the next few days go. If I had my own car it would be fine but I don't. That's another thing I brought up with my dad yesterday, the car and insurance. Think he wasn't telling the truth about him taking me off the insurance.

I'm serious about moving out albeit I can't help but feel guilty. I just don't want rules anymore. I was gonna write about how nice yesterday was and things but I'll do that later. I need to tidy my room, I'm gonna have a chill day today to myself. Uni work and relax. I'm currently watching the good dinosaur on Disney plus. It's for kids but apparently it's sad so I just wanted a sad feel good film.

Last night right before the argument happened my mum made salad for me bless her. When I came home she did say something but it wasn't a full blown argument yet but the fact she made salad showed love like I don't think any other person would have done that and that was in my room overnight so I've ate that but I'm quite hungry I didn't eat much yesterday. But I don't wanna go downstairs, normally I keep snacks in my room but all I have is a kitkat and skittles from like last week.

I bought (well Ayrton bought) the loreal shampoo, wanted to wash my hair with it today cos I loveeee the smell. It's the coco oil.

Never mind just as I was typing this I got another bollockking for absolutely nothing lol. Literally got screamed at.
Can't do it here anymore.
12:41

She just tried to attempt to speak nice to me after all she said. Listen idk if I'll regret this in the future but I really have reached my limit it's never ending. Honestly my mind is tired. She's leaving for work now but my dads home.

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I just finished the film and honestly I cried so much maybe cos I'm on my period but idk. I'm actually not that hungry but I just had a bowl of rice cos I felt a bit light headed. My period is light. I was quite heavy the first and second day and almost leaked through to my scrubs I had to keep going to the toilet to change my pad but it's my third day now and I'm actually quite light so I may be done by the fifth day.

I feel calm now but I still wanna leave.

I wanna talk about yesterday cos I don't wanna ignore the good in life. Yesterday was good and I was happy.

So I went to bubbleology, spent a lot on public transport not gonna lie, I was gonna get bubble tea but I knew we were gonna go for dessert so I didn't wanna fill myself up, I got (using fake name) Bruce (idk it's the first name that popped in my head 💀😂) bubble tea and I was a bit annoyed cos it wasn't the right drink that he wanted🙁

Brought the massage gun with me, in my opinion I think the gun thing works if it's used consistently it's meant to open up nerves and release muscle tension and things but I think it works better on the highest setting, inshAllah his pain goes. I know that type of pain is the worst. I think he has a pinched nerve in his trapezius muscle. Or his rhomboid minor muscle. I could kinda feel the knot in his muscle when I was touching it, it was a small ball. It just needs to be relieved he needs to keep moving it and do shoulder exercises and rotation. If it stays stiff it'll just take longer to heal. He could try a warm compress on it.

I do feel bad when he's in pain, I'm like that with anyone close to me like I wish I could take their pain away, I'm the same with patients I feel like can feel their pain and wanna take it away.

As we were walking back from the car cos I wanted to put this heavy bag in his car, a guy threw up in the middle of the pavement and his son was walking in front of me and i don't think he saw it cos he was walking straight to where the guy vomited and I guess it was maternal instincts idk but I kinda manoeuvred him to walk to my other side away from the guy cos he didn't see it. He's a good kid. He was talking to me about phones in this phone shop we were in, and mentioned how he might get a new phone for his birthday. I'm glad he finds me easy to talk to or maybe he's like that with everyone. I think he's really smart mashAllah.